AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

So, to summarise, parent should be advocating for her daughter and getting medical treatment but isn't doing that. Was fobbed off by the doctor but there's no complaint there. A suitable painkiller is available but she's not giving her that either - we know it's suitable because there's annoyance that a less suitable painkiller is being confiscated. Parent should complain to the school because they offered a change of clothes.

And school staff are now medical professionals?!?! Absolutely abhorrent way to treat a young female in pain and massively embarrassed……..where’s the dignity and compassion?
Has your DD been examined by her GP? And I would be seriously considering a referral to a gynaecologist.
As for the school, raise a complaint and take this further if necessary OP

I like this response. So daughter could take a medication in the morning before school and this would resolve the pain issue. Treatment needs to be sorted with a doctor.

I suffered like this and eventually at age 28 was prescribed Mefanaemic Acid which changed my life.

I would push and push the doctor to prescribe something. You can get Naproxen from the pharmacist which lasts 12 hours.

Teachers teach. First Aiders, who are not always teachers, deal with medical problems in school.

Yes, this is exactly the message successive governments have wanted you to receive. Nothing to do with policy and funding, it's just those nasty teachers and the schools that are run like prisons.

Did you see OP's post where she said the school does bag searches and removes it from her ...

Well clearly they do, because some schools aren’t acting like it!

Treat the kids like human beings. Do better.

We all know teachers like you describe, they damage kids.

Actually, no, we don't have those choices available to us. As teachers we're not able to 'decide for ourselves based on our own opinions of something in the absence of any evidence.' In the same way that the police aren't able to informally decide what is and isn't a crime. This isn't how it works. We're not parents, we're teachers. We should always try and remain objective, and that means we can only go on the evidence we have, not what someone else might believe about a situation.

Similarly, there is no mechanism by which individual teachers or schools can 'push back against unattainable targets'. They're set by the government. It's not a negotiation. Head teachers have been arguing with the government for years about this. Teachers unions have been arguing with the government for years about the 'problems with other services'. We can't fix this. And the more people blame us for things entirely outside of our control, the easier it is for the people who do have actual control to shrug their shoulders and pretend none of it is their fault, and so the problems just keep getting bigger and bigger.

So much easier to slash services if you can convince the majority that the reason their needs aren't being met is because 'schools don't care'.

My DD had very painful periods and has since been diagnosed with PMDD. A GP prescribed her the pill at 15 and another GP (wisely in my opinion) refused to prescribe it less than a year later because of breast cancer history in her immediate family. She has never taken any hormonal contraception since. School will accept a CAMHS letter so that is the correct route to ask to be referred to, as PMDD is a mental illness that can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional. The pill can exacerbate PMDD symptoms.

I would explain to school it isnt the period shes off for its the fact she is being investigated for PMDD and/or a blood disorder and/or a gynaecological issue.

I hope your daughter gets some help

Nobody is saying the school should fix it they're saying a little bit of understanding would go a long way

You need to really advocate for her. Medical misogyny has exacerbated so many problems for us grown women, we need to make sure medical professionals do better for our daughters.

Then you can take on the school, they sound awful though x

Put it in blazer pocket then or ask gp for something like naproxen which is taken every 12 hours, before and after school

What’s the worst school will do? Send her home? She’s already at home missing out on school anyway

I was like you DD. I started them at 11 and they were horrendous from day one. Flooding, leaking, horrendous pain in my stomach, hips, thighs & back. I would not be able to attend school for a full week every month due to how horrid they were. I was up every hour in the night too changing pads bc they were just so heavy. By the end of it I was exhausted and used to have to sleep for a full day uninterrupted. School were never sympathetic. In one lesson i'd need to go to the toilet twice which sometimes they'd say no and i'd just walk out anyway. I leaked all over during science one I remember it vividly. Luckily my science teacher was a lovely, understand lady and she got the office to call my mum to come and collect me. Oh it was horrid.
I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 24. I fully fully sympathise with her. It was horrid. I was on iron from being 13 as they caused anemia.

@Meetmeinlove I work advising schools. (name changed here).

Your daughter has a medical condition which is impacting her education. She is entitled to her education.
The governing board/trustees are responsible for ensuring that the school meets the medical needs of all pupils so that every pupil gets the education to which they are entitled.

This is the Department for Education guidance that sets this out.
The school should have a medical policy. Do they? Are they following this?
Use the guidance to support your conversation with the school and expectations of them.

Your LA may have a medical/education officer who will support the school to put in place the medical health care plan. This is to help you all work through the medical needs so that your daughter’s education is not impacted (minimised as much as possible).

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

DD was similar through her secondary school years: cramps, nausea, vomiting, headaches, mental health impact. She missed a huge amount of time at school due to horrendous periods, even with mefenamic acid.

She eventually worked out that avoiding sugar and caffeine in the run-up to and during her period helped a bit too, but the only thing that finally sorted it was being fitted with an IUD (like the Mirena coil) when she was in her late teens. She still gets periods, but they are much lighter, and with none of the really bad symptoms she had when she was younger.

School staff are people living in the real world. They know that girls can have conditions that won’t be diagnosed yet, so they could maybe, just maybe, choose to treat those girls and parents like human beings and push back against unattainable targets for some humans when a they are aware of problems with other services.

Schools don’t care whether they have only the child’s word for it, their parents, a GP or hospital consultant’s letter in my experience for many health issues. I
See my previous posts about a girl with period issues and my son with other heath issues, both had medical evidence.

In my son’s case, we had numerous meetings with the school, my son’s consultant ended up speaking to the pastoral leader over the phone! We were still harassed about attendance. Schools are failing kids.

Again, this is an issue of healthcare, not education.

The problem is that schools can't be expected to solve every problem in society and if they don't then they're bad:

Long wait for CAMHS - schools should pick up the pieces
Employers not providing reasonable adjustments for parents / carers - schools should offer more 'childcare'
Issues on SM or in the community - schools should police children informally
Unmet health needs - schools should adapt

Basically, just because someone's a child doesn't mean that everything associated with their childhood becomes something that schools are responsible for.

You need to see your gp, it sounds like it could be endometriosis. It is ridiculous that the school in this day and age doesn’t understand. Perhaps the gp could provide a letter explaining her symptoms and the fact that her periods are not ‘normal’. They also might prescribe better medication for treating her symptoms. As someone who has suffered for years, i empathise.

Oh OP I am so sorry for your DD and the shitty school! My DD17 has awful periods too so just wanted to say the period pants actually stop her leaking through, she uses the Modibodi heavy flow 24 hour ones. They definitely don’t last 24 hours but they do get her through a day.

It's extremely uncommon, all medical reports result in an updated learning plan. Just because a learning plan doesn't reflect the parents / carers wishes doesn't mean the medical report has been ignored.

Once again, attendance is nothing to do with school. Not being able to access school due to a medical condition becomes an issue for the local authority to resolve.

Because on average it takes 9 years to diagnose endometriosis in the uk so until that point women and girls have to listen to multiple people saying its just a period we all have them just take an ibuprofen and get on with it

You are very accepting of the GP wanting her to wait and see but not accepting the schools view to to attend.

You need to ask for a gynae referral and help your DD. We all know GP"s don't tend to take women's health serious but you need to advocate for her.

She's only 14 now but coming into her GCSE years. She can't afford to miss a couple of days school every month as she'll fall behind.

My DD had ovarian cysts and suspected endometriosis at 14, started on the Pill which massively helped. After her GCSE has summer she had surgery - no endo thankfully and the Pill stopped the cysts. We're still trying to find out the cause of her pain but at least she managed to attend school, GCSE and prom.

Please don't let the GP fob you off. How do you expect the school to take this seriously if the GP isn't.

Once again, attendance is an issue for the Department of Education, it's their targets you seem to have a problem with. Schools don't set these targets. Schools are required to meet these targets. You appear to be annoyed at the DfE and blaming schools.

Similarly, if there is a lack of diagnosis, this is an issue with access to medical treatment. Schools don't provide medical treatment, doctors and hospitals are responsible for this. Why are you angry at schools for something that seems to be a problem within the NHS?

Unfortunately, teachers (who aren't medically trained, oddly enough we're trained to teach) can't 'realise' or make judgements about things that we're entirely ignorant of. The only way this would work is if we automatically believed the truth of everything a child said to us. Can you see how problematic this would turn out to be?