AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

Maybe not a disability, but the periods are a characteristic of being female so the Equality Act definitely is relevant here.

Schools at the moment are under huge pressure about attendance and yes they are putting far too much pressure on children who are actually ill.

ideally school would understand that your daughter is ill but in the current environment I wouldn’t expect it unfortunately.

i have endo and had terrible periods as a teen including vomiting and diarrhoea, my school in the 80s and early 90s totally accepted that on those days I couldn’t be in school.

my dd had similar along with other issues (auto immune disease) and we eventually had to put into place that she carried her own meds because on a few occasions school didn’t give them accurately or at the right time but it took a lot of complaints and hassle.

it’s easy to think the system is there to support you but unfortunately in this case it really isn’t. You will probably have to be a grade A pain in the arse to get any sort of medication for your daughter and as for understanding from the school I wouldn’t expect it.

Not allowed to give kids generic medication any more. It’s rubbish, but there we go.

That's outrageous!

Surely they can make an exception for essential medication?

A doctor has failed to diagnose, but it's the school who have failed in their duty of care??? What is it they've failed to take care of? There's no diagnosis. All the school have done is confiscate medication that the kid shouldn't have had and given her some clean clothes.

I also hate complacency, and rambling guff that just looks to blame someone, anyone, without actually tackling the problem.

Here's what the OP needs to do:

1. write to GP and state that there's a problem and outline the problem
2. say her dd needs diagnosis and treatment because without either of these things both her physical and mental health is being severely impacted and this is having serious consequences for her education as well
3. if this doesn't work, find out what the complaints procedure is at her GP practice
4. follow the complaints procedure
5. in the meantime, update the school and keep communicating with them
6. do not send in contraband pharmaceutical products that put other children at risk, instead perhaps investigate the 8 hour pain relief mentioned earlier

here's what the OP doesn't need to do:

1. randomly complain to the school about stuff that's outside of their control
2. get the local authority (where social services are based) involved to tell them that she hasn't been taking her dd back to the doctor but someone else is neglecting her health and well being
3. start talking about disability discrimination when there's no diagnosis of any disability

God that was me. I got my period early (12?) and it was horrendous for years. Sadly going on the pill was not the done thing in Greece in the 90s - my mum was against it. I went on it when I moved away for Uni, it was an absolute life changer. Still on the pill (albeit a different one) 20 years later.

Tbf, it was that poster that said teachers.

My experience is that the teachers are great on the whole, very understanding and helpful.

Its the pastoral staff/SLT that forget students and parents are people.

Anyway my kids are at college, university and work now and it’s much better.

This is the problem. You have taken the word of one doctor, instead of putting your foot down and advocating for your daughter. A doctor telling you to wait it out, is no good. Her periods have now become a disability - They are debilitating. The same way you are not advocating for her via the school!

You should be on the GP's back, the hospital, the local education authority, Ofsted, your local MP, local women's groups etc...you need to be taring up that school! It's sexual discrimination, disability discrimination, discrimination of a protected characteristic, failure to protect her well-being, and neglect of a vulnerable young lady - It's a failure in duty of care by the school. I would even be going to the local newspaper. Shout from the rooftops so your daughter gets the correct support she needs! I wouldn't send my child into school if they were this badly debilitated. Take her to a different GP as well, or walk her into A&E on her next period and refuse to leave until she's had a full body work-up.

I seriously hate complacency.

OP there’s nothing wrong with taking her back even if the advice has been wait and see. The more they have documented the better. Especially once it hits the 3rd ‘strike’, the GP could do an advice and guidance for specialist help if they aren’t sure what to do. If your DD is suffering then keep taking her back. Then you email the school and give th an update and tell them what she needs. Eg has to have pain relief. If they ignore you I would submit a complaint to them. Keep it factual and see where you get. Your daughter deserves the support and ability to access pain relief at the very least.

To look at it another way, you cannot expect a school to be wiser than the medical profession. Your dd’s doctor effectively told you your dd’s periods were normal for her age, so the school is assuming the same. All that the school being wiser than the doctor will do is harm your dd’s education through frequent absences and delay your return to the doctor.

As for the school needing metal detectors - that says something about a proportion of your child’s school population! Schools are, to a large extent, caught between a rock and a hard place - the DfE effectively forces them to be unsympathetic to insufficiently evidenced absences. If they are more sympathetic to the more eloquent parents and less sympathetic to those with poor communication skills, they are accused of unfair discrimination, so schools end up being fairly unsympathetic and inflexible towards everybody, a problem exacerbated by significant underfunding. Being sympathetic and flexible requires considerably more (non-existent) employees to take the time to assess individual students and their myriad issues. In your dd’s case, frankly, this is a medical professional’s job to do in the first place and it is not really reasonable to expect the school to draw a blind eye to a complete lack of medical evidence for your claim that she can’t come into school on a regular basis.

Without some investigation school will just assume that she’s trying to scrounge a few days off each month. They probably have half of the female student population saying they need to go home for period pains ever day!

How about mirena? Pre childbirth it hurts going in so she’d want sedation but it makes periods so much lighter and sometimes they even stop. Once it’s in yiu can forget about it so much better than the pill.

You sound very supportive. I had the most horrendous periods that started in primary school. I was 40 before I was finally offered a surgical solution to the problems. Some people just don’t get how utterly awful periods can be. I was amazed when eldest dd started her periods and they were nothing like mine. Made me realise even more how terrible mine were. Despite leaking every day I was on and going through two packs of pads in a week my dm never seemed to grasp how much I needed help. Your dd is lucky to have you helping her.
Take her back to gp and perhaps get a letter to show school. They are being ridiculous though. At my school we have pupils who we know need extra toilet breaks etc and a note from a parent has been sufficient.

She needs Mefenamic Acid, it should be taken in the week leading up to her period as well as the first couple of days, it reduces the prostaglandins that the body releases to start your period (cramping), her body is producing far too many.

Mine also has antihistamines for the vomiting, there's a certain one that works best.

Then we've found Buscopan CRAMPS tablets (not to be confused with Buscopan IBS) helpful in reducing the pain, they relax the muscles that cramp, I've managed to get this on prescription too for the active ingredients.

These are teenagers FFS.

I'd sew a wee pouch behind the waistband of her skirt for them and tell her not to tell anyone about it

Let's hope they don't fall out or another kid finds them in the PE changing room, decide to take them for funsies and have an anaphylactic reaction then...because no one would have a clue what was going on or how to treat them, making the likelihood of permanent damage higher. But so long as your kid to flout the rules all good?

Everyone saying about meds as if it’s an easy option. My daughter was put on 2 different contraceptives, the first she caused her extreme panic attacks almost daily and the sesonf caused such bad depression she was suicidal at 16. It’s not something to be taken likely. That would affect her education more than a day of per month

GPS often have dome areas they have done more training or interesting in. I know it isn't always possible to pick who you see, but if a GP at your surgery has more of an interest in women's health, may be worth trying to book with them.
Hopefully you can get some help for your daughter.

On a side note, if she is bleeding heavily she may also be anemic, so may need her iron levels checked.

I can't figure out if you're joking? You must be, surely?

@Meetmeinlove Vitamins D and A might help, there's some anecdotal evidence that they can reduce both heavy bleeding and PMDD. You can have too much of both though so I would try to get both tested before supplementing, just to have a baseline

With regards to the school confiscating meds off her, personally I'd sew a wee pouch behind the waistband of her skirt for them and tell her not to tell anyone about it

Why the fuck is it so hard to get help for this? In this day and age, no kid should have to tolerate this. I live in Aus and struggled with stuff like this since my first period. I made sure to communicate with my daughters that if they wanted help, I would fight for it with them. Luckily have an amazing GP. DD1 was fine, but DD2 very similar to what @Meetmeinlove has described. Throwing up, massive depression, cramps, apple-sized clots, the works. She didn’t get on with the pill because she has migraines with aura, so she was given a Mirena Implant under twilight sedation (she has no memory of it) and once it settled in, it absolutely changed her life. I live in Australia and I know we are more empowered here, but go to DR and demand action.

Just to say a lot has changed recently for treating PMDD. My daughter suspected she had it. Dr referred her to a women’s clinic within the week and she is now on a relatively new version of the mini pill which has really helped. She was previously unable to use hormonal contraception as it made her depression and anxiety much worse and had come off the combined pill year ago due to similar problems with suicidal thoughts. The one they put her on is called Slynd and it’s been a godsend for her.

I'm sorry the school have been sympathetic so far, but you really do need to get GP involvement.

There is a legal framework (Managing Medicines in Schools) that dictates some of what you're referring to eg if your school does ibuprofen at all, only one dose a day can be given and not if the student has already taken it at home that morning. We can also only administer per packet instructions unless we have a GP letter stating that a student needs something out of the ordinary.

It's also absolutely correct that they don't allow students to carry their own medications. You may be able to trust your daughter, but it's well within the realms of possibility that others might swap medications or give things to friends resulting in reactions and even the possibility of overdose.

As a student welfare officer, if you came to me with this issue, I would offer the following:

Flag on system that your daughter is under investigation for these issues
Agreement that she could have a toilet pass for the week of her period each time. If irregular, we'd do her an ongoing one for a fixed period while the issue was investigated and medical evidence provided of her needs in school
You should be able to send in paracetamol and ibuprofen for the medical room to store for your DD's own use and they may want to issue a medical pass, but in our case we would recommend ibuprofen before school, then coming to medical at break/lunch to top up with paracetamol.
We might suggest use of a discreet tens machine or stick on heat patches for pain relief, and would also heat up a microwave wheat pack or fill a hot water bottle if she wanted to bring one in.
We could keep a spare set of clothes if that was something helpful for you to send in and can provide cleaning wipes, San pro and period pants in the event of a leak. We do occasionally send girls home if they're really struggling having had this. We'd usually encourage them to clean up and come back if there's enough of the school day left.

I would expect a GP to provide tranexemic acid (for bleeding) and mefanamic acid (for pain). At this point we would again hold them in medical and issue a pass so she could come out of class and take them as needed although we'd encourage any student to take required medication at times that minimally affect their learning.

I appreciate it's frustrating, but school medical rooms have rules and guidelines to follow. That said they should be having a conversation and at least trying to work with you on this.

"As for the school, raise a complaint and take this further if necessary OP"

This is another reason that teachers maybe. Just maybe, cannot risk using discretion so as to " treat people like human beings".

The slightest mis step or parent disagreeing with what the staff members have done equals complaint.

Another pupil tells their parents the rules have been bent for someone else equals possible complaint.

If there is a complaint the teachers only defence is that they followed policy. Otherwise they could put the roof over their heads and the food on their families table at risk.

If your child needs medicine in school you follow the school's policy - usually you inform the school what medication they need and how often and it is stored somewhere for the child to collect when needed.

If a staff member does a bag search sees medication. Not prescribed woe betide them if they ignore them and a child takes too many gives some to a friend or whatever.

Teachers are not medically trained and neither are first aiders.

The school has attendance policy based on government guidance and targets.

YABU for not going to the doctor again sooner. Try to see a different one. The school is more likely to listen if you have a proper diagnosis.