AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

My niece has endometriosis i can't even begin to explain to you how angry this paragraph made me.
The school have said that they don’t view periods as a reason for a day off. I have tried to explain that DDs are severe but they said to me ‘periods can be treated with an ibuprofen’.

Attendance is a target set by the government not schools. Your issue appears to be with the DfE, not the member of school staff you're abusively referring to. Why wouldn't the parent who 'knows and loves the child' seek any sort of medical advice to help them?

Op take your daughter back to the gp, get a second opinion if needs be. Get her the medication she desperately needs

They need to know what medication the children are taking in case of adverse reactions. Hence the care plans.

We have so many parents sending parents in with medications. As soon as it contains an 'active medicinal ingredient', it has to be recorded and a parent has to give signed consent.

Even though I've never had a child come in with medicine their parent hasn't provided/been aware of, we can't LEGALLY allow them to take it unless a parent has notified the school.

That's not the school being awkward. It's the law.

9

You clearly have an axe to grind about schools due to your son, not all schools are like this. Stop labelling them all the same

Well, one person knows and loves the child and is with the child and can physically see them and the other is it at the end of the phone talking shite more interested in their attendance records than the kid

schools should be finding ways to ensure that those who cannot always attend school do not suffer educationally

This is beyond our remit. It's the job of local authorities to ensure that those who cannot attend school do not suffer educationally.

There are plenty of resources available to the local authority, including buying in virtual lessons with virtual tutors. Teachers are simply not required to teach children that aren't in the classroom - unless we're facing something like a lockdown situation.

Then the child goes to school this is not the schools fault

Don’t be ridiculous. The OP’s DD is suffering. She needs medical intervention. The OCP will be one of the first suggestions and will likely be very effective. My DD saw a gynaecologist who is willing to fit a Mirena for her under general anaesthetic. We saw her when DD was about 13yo. Slinda is working well and DD is okay with taking a tablet each day so she’ll stick with that for now. I’m about to get my third Mirena fitted by a GP. Love it. No periods.

The official line from doctors is that early periods can be very difficult but then in some teens they do settle.

i don’t know how true this is.

but in this day and age some girls are getting periods at age 8 or 9. So by 14 they could be 5 years into it, and if what the doctors are saying is true you’d hope it would have settled.

how long has your dd been having periods?

(and that’s leaving aside the years of pain, anemia, diarrhoea and vomiting. My periods were genuinely horrendous and I remember being up all night once age 12 vomiting all night due to period and it’s so much to deal with at that age especially if the doctors are saying just live with it)

The whole point of medication is to fix things that are wrong, it treats conditions.

We're far too reluctant to treat kids with things like anti depressants and its to their detriment.

Get her to hide them in her bra if she has too. She shouldn’t suffer. I mean this is a huge failing on the schools behalf, the should know better but sadly schools seem to only care about their statistics now rather then the welfare of their children (I would keep her off when she needs to be off).

also I would absolutely get her checked, privately if you can. It’s worth its weight in gold. Have they explored the possibility of endometriosis? My medical knowledge doesn’t really go into this area but I hope you get answers for her!

Is the parent phoning giving the advice they've received from 111 or the doctors surgery? Or is the parent giving their opinion and the school is giving their opinion?

School has changed a lot since the 80s and the legal frameworks governing schools have also changed a lot (source - I'm the same age as you and a teacher now).

She needs a care plan in school.

But you need to take her to the Dr.

There will be someone in school responsible for medical care of pupils.

The school need to feel confident in what they are doing and the medical care they support. The legalities around this means that there is not much room for what feels like it should be 'common sense'. The school has a duty of care not only to her medical needs but to ensure she receives her right to an education so they can't just let her go home when she has a period and you need to be pushing for appropriate medical care for her.

Bottom line is, you can't not take her to the GP and then complain that the school are failing in their duty of care to her.

The GP is responsible for assessing and providing that medical care, the school is responsible for providing this alongside their priorities of safeguaridng and ensuring her right to an education is met. You, as her parent, are responsible for initiating this and co-ordinatong the two

That means going to the GP and speaking with the school, ensuring they understand what they need to do through a care plan and then everyone knows what they are doing.

I had uncontrollable periods from age 12 with constant flooding and heavy clotting. I was put on the pill and stayed on it for 20 years. It regulates my cycle and brought everything under control. I think it’s important to explore all of the medical options with your doctor. Your daughter shouldn’t have to suffer like this. This is a medical issue and not a school issue.

That's not what she is saying.
But I agree with op. I don't think we should be rushing to fill out children with medication till they rattle.

Tell school they must make reasonable adjustments for health care needs. This is not optional. Suggest they offer virtual lessons during the worst days.

The school will need to have evidence of those healthcare needs. Unless a parent is medically trained, they can't possibly say what those needs are or what adjustments should be made. All a parent can do without any medical evidence at all is express their opinion. A school is able to decide whether or not they should take that opinion (something without evidence) into account.

In terms of virtual lessons, are you suggesting that in a 5 period day, once each of those teachers receives a notification the pupil won't be in, that they should replan the lesson for the absent student, support with slides, get the technology set up, and not teach the rest of the class adequately so that they can service the virtual lesson? When are they going to do this? During registration? As we're teaching lesson 1? Clearly, this isn't viable. If there's a need for virtual learning, this need should be assessed by the local authority and then the resources should be provided. Once again, the local authority will only assess with medical evidence.

In that kind of situation I have made it clear to my teens that they would simply need to defy the teacher. The teacher isn't their captor. They can't physically block them.

I know the teacher was absolutely in the wrong but we do also need to teach our children that sometimes it's ok to standup to authority when it is being exercised unacceptably.

She wants them to accommodate it, which is not unreasonable
And as I made the point earlier even when they do have prescribed pain relief, the schools are arseholes about it
This is not a unique scenario being encountered by one person

I disagree. The solution isn't to make the child suffer, it's to all start campaigning for the education system to adapt and recognise that some children really cannot always attend school. Whether it is periods or chronic health conditions, really the Public Sector Equality Duty means that DfE and schools should be finding ways to ensure that those who cannot always attend school do not suffer educationally

This could be recording lessons, or allow children to attend online in pre agreed circumstances.

People who insist girls can just power through have clearly never experienced truly unbearable periods. Mine used to leave me bloated that I couldn't cope with anything tight fitting round my waist. And gave me awful diarrhoea. I had a friend whose periods made her vomit.

Girls shouldn't be being asked to tolerate immense discomfort so as not to miss out on their education. The education system should be asked to adapt for all those who for whatever reason physically cannot always be in school

So you want the school to fix it all?

Go back to the GP (and again and again if needed). You will need to advocate properly for your daughter. Don’t get too hung up on the diagnosis because it may need a gynaecologist, but get proper pain relief sorted pronto.

To me this sounds like endometriosis…..

ETA and the school are being truly shit too. You will need to get really serious here too. I would be furious with their attitude.

And yet schools considered themselves to be medical experts when it comes to bring them in to see how they get on when parents are phoning up to say that the children will not be attending in the morning.

Can’t have it both ways

I had horrendous and very close together (sometimes 10 days a part) periods when I was 14. I went on the pill when I was possibly 15 and it helped so much.

I don’t agree with lots of pp about her not missing school when she is on her period as some girls/women do suffer really badly. I do believe you should be pushing the dr more and think the school would have to accept a diagnosis

Teacher here. Our hands are really tied unless we have information from a medical professional. We can't make a diagnosis ourselves. In terms of pain relief, this does really need to be administered by an adult, mostly because doses need to be logged.

The gap here appears to be the medical care (not the education) your daughter is receiving. As someone who had terrible PMS (out the other side of menopause now) and whose daughter has PMDD, you need to advocate for your daughter and not expect the school to pick up the pieces.