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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy my daughter's boyfriend a replacement phone?

116 replies

AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:28

Sooo…name change and a few altered details for privacy. If I get found I don’t want people to see all of my other posts.

Simple one though really. My DD’s boyfriend has a really old phone and it just doesn’t work anymore. Constantly needs to be hooked up to a powerbank, and just useless. I suspect that his parents don’t use have the money around to buy a new one, but I do and I don’t mind.

I just wonder if I would be overstepping to get him one. I don’t want to offend his parents, I get on well with them, but I just don’t know how to help out without causing an issue. They’re both 17, no jobs yet as they have a very long commute to college and very little spare time to work until they finish next year and go to uni or start working full time, so can’t buy it themselves. Also no birthday or anniversary so I can’t slide the money to my DD to buy it for him as a present.

AIBU to buy one. Just the lowest functioning iPhone would be an upgrade so wouldn’t be spending megabucks.

OP posts:
Happyhappyzoozoo · 03/07/2026 16:17

AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:58

I wish I did. I’m even considering upgrading DD’s so that she can give him hers. That would be a quick win wouldn’t it

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That’s a good way to go about I think

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 16:17

youalright · 03/07/2026 16:10

Have you or your daughter not got an old phone you can give to him or are either of your contacts ending so you have

Unfortunately not. I buy them up front and have my plan as a sim only contract.

I could upgrade my DD but that would cost me a significant amount of money more than buying the lowest model available for her boyfriend. So that’s why I was thinking this way

OP posts:
TY78910 · 03/07/2026 16:15

I’d upgrade my own and then ‘hand-me-down’ the one I had. Then it doesn’t feel like it’s charity, just a ‘oh by the way I was gonna shove this in the drawer’

BillieWiper · 03/07/2026 16:15

But when they spilt up it will be all 'and you bought that twat a new phone mum! We need to get the money back! He used it to chat to other women..'

I don't think it's wise to buy a teen boy a new phone just because your daughter is sleeping with them.

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 16:13

Lomonald · 03/07/2026 16:08

Why don't you ask him about the phone, Instead of assuming things?

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Because you don’t switch to a different type of phone as a teenager. You have apps and games that transfer across, you get used to the tech. There is huge brand loyalty with phone types.

I would never move off iPhone, my husband would never move off android. It’s just the way it works. upgrading to the next model is what happens with phones, this would be no different.

OP posts:
youalright · 03/07/2026 16:10

Have you or your daughter not got an old phone you can give to him or are either of your contacts ending so you have

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 03/07/2026 16:08

Lovely idea

Lomonald · 03/07/2026 16:08

AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 16:03

They’ve been together/dating/best friends in some capacity since before they were teenagers, at this point he is part of the family.

I mean I write this as we are all on holiday together so we are pretty close.

He has an iPhone already, so it would make sense to just upgrade it to the cheapest one on the market. It would be an upgrade of about 3 models I think

Edited
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Why don't you ask him about the phone, Instead of assuming things?

CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/07/2026 16:07

I think it's very nice of you and as you have already considered: Upgrade DDs phone and give him her older one.

Lomonald · 03/07/2026 16:06

TeenToTwenties · 03/07/2026 15:34

Get a second hand one from CEX?
More easy to pass off as one you no longer need?

Do this, is his old phone an iPhone doesn't he have a contract that can be upgraded ? Seems a bit extravagant to throw around new phones just because,

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 16:06

Imanautumn · 03/07/2026 16:00

How about you upgrade your daughters phone and she gives him her old phone

Same brain.

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 03/07/2026 16:04

I would buy a reconditioned phone, fifty pounds tops and offer it to him. Although what he didn't want it. I think anymore than that is over generous and potentially awkward, an iPhone is too much.

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 16:03

Isanyonereallyanonymous · 03/07/2026 15:34

Does it have to even be an iPhone? I have an entry level Motorola android. It cost £80/90. It's a gift I'd feel comfortable accepting from someone else, an iPhone at a couple of hundred pounds wouldn't be.
Yes my phone is basic but it functions and does what a phone needs to do nowadays.
As to whether it's an appropriate gift, might depend on how long they've been dating. Less than 6 months and you barely know him I'd say it's overstepping. If they're relatively established (for that age) I would offer but not just buy and give.

They’ve been together/dating/best friends in some capacity since before they were teenagers, at this point he is part of the family.

I mean I write this as we are all on holiday together so we are pretty close.

He has an iPhone already, so it would make sense to just upgrade it to the cheapest one on the market. It would be an upgrade of about 3 models I think

OP posts:
rose88xx · 03/07/2026 16:02

I honestly think it’s more weird to do it in a sneaky way, pretending it’s an old one etc. I would offer it in the context of safety, if he and your DD are out together and get separated or whatever she needs to be able to contact him. But yes, I would check with the parents first.

Glitchymn1 · 03/07/2026 16:02

buymeflowers · 03/07/2026 15:41

Just say it’s an unwanted upgrade

^ This - lovely thing to do OP.

didgeridid · 03/07/2026 16:01

Upgrade one of your phones and offer him the older one.

Imanautumn · 03/07/2026 16:00

AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:58

I wish I did. I’m even considering upgrading DD’s so that she can give him hers. That would be a quick win wouldn’t it

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lol I literally just wrote that before seeing your comment!

Imanautumn · 03/07/2026 16:00

How about you upgrade your daughters phone and she gives him her old phone

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:58

YouPromisedToStopPosting · 03/07/2026 15:33

No, it’s far too expensive a gift.

However if you have an old phone in a drawer that you don’t use any longer that would be fine to offer.

I wish I did. I’m even considering upgrading DD’s so that she can give him hers. That would be a quick win wouldn’t it

OP posts:
Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:56

watchingthishtread · 03/07/2026 15:53

Is it that you particularly want to give him a gift or simply that you'd like to see him with a better phone? If it's the latter could you buy a decent quality second hand phone and tell him that one of your family members got an upgrade and would he like their old phone?

A new iphone for no occasion ott.

Yeah it’s the fact that his is broken, so it’s more inconvenient and if they’re out somewhere and hers is dead or no signal his isn’t a reliable second option.

I should say that he is like family with us already as we have known him for about 6/7 years, so it’s not as though he is a random in our lives. I think that’s mostly why I’m wanting to help.

I was thinking of saying it was an insurance refurb/replacement for a broken phone or getting my daughter to say she bought it

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 03/07/2026 15:56

Does he want a new phone?

Sparrowsandbudgies · 03/07/2026 15:54

Just say you’ve had an upgrade and it’s an old one he can have.

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:54

anotherdaytosmile · 03/07/2026 15:31

I’d do it as long as my DD had no issues with it AND you understand that a gift can’t be reclaimed so if the split up two days later, nothing you can do

Yeah I would never expect it back. It would be fully a gift. And in an ideal world nobody would know it was from me

OP posts:
watchingthishtread · 03/07/2026 15:53

Is it that you particularly want to give him a gift or simply that you'd like to see him with a better phone? If it's the latter could you buy a decent quality second hand phone and tell him that one of your family members got an upgrade and would he like their old phone?

A new iphone for no occasion ott.

Original poster
AboutAPhone · 03/07/2026 15:53

rubyslippers · 03/07/2026 15:30

Yes you would be over stepping but I can see why you’d like to do this but he may feel beholden to you if you buy it and also that he’s owes you / your daughter in some way
it could make the relationship difficult

an iPhone is still a lot of money

I would ask my daughter to say it was from her, or to take it out of the box and just say it was a refurbished insurance claim one or something I think. Then his parents wouldn’t know it was me

OP posts:
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