Step mums comment regarding tanning beds has upset me

I have family members who use sunbeds regularly
When they tell me about it I just nod and throw in a few filler words
They are never going to see them as a bad thing the way I do, they dont believe in the factor 50 I slap on either
Its not worth the tension at family events so ive just let it go and hope for the best for their sakes

Same with relatives who refuses to quit or limit their smoking.
As grown adults theyve accepted the risk and nothing I say will change their minds and it only upsets me so I just dont get involved

I agree with you about tanning beds, I think they are dangerous, but I think its a bit extreme by bringing upset by your stepmother's comment.

It not the same at all! Smoking is highly addictive and most smokers want to give it up but find it very difficult to stop.

Obviously using a tanning bed is extremely stupid given all the evidence they cause skin cancer and death. However you can’t control the poor choices of other people. Thank god they are illegal here in Australia.

My dad regularly says he would rather die than cut down drinking or stop smoking. He knows the risks, I've given up being upset about it now. You can only control your own choices, you can't force someone to be responsible by loving them enough.

My husband uses them once a week and I hate it. It worries the life out of me, particularly because his mum had malignant melanoma and she now has two huge, deep scars - one where they removed the cancer and one where they grafted the skin to use for the cancer site, as a constant reminder.

He won’t listen though. So YANBU but sadly, you just have to let them get on with it.

DD34 often uses a sun bed before going away on holiday. She knows I don't approve, but she is an adult and can make her own choices. Not much I can do about it anyway.

Just let her get on with it, she will hate the interference as she will see it. We all know sun beds are dangerous but I guess we all take risks

I wouldn’t be upset - I’d be angry at their ignorance.

Its just a conversation. What are you getting upset about.

I share your opinion about sun beds. However I think you are being oversensitive here. They didn't criticize you. Your comments could have been perceived as criticizing their behaviour. It came from a place of concern, but like you say, people can hardly say they weren't aware of the risks and they've still chosen to use them. Which is their choice. We all do things that we know aren't great for us to a greater or lesser extent - smoking, drinking, eating processed food, sitting on our arses too much...
You may be able to find a way to have a private conversation with your dad about why it worries you and link it to the grandma and COPD but people often don't handle receiving implicit criticism of their choices that well.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable here as surely most people do at least one thing that has been proven to be bad for you - smoking, drinking alcohol, eating bacon and sausages, not bothering to get enough exercise etc

I think it was probably a slightly defensive knee-jerk comment from your step mum. No-one likes their lifestyle choices criticised, even if you have their interests at heart! That’s not to say that your comment hasn’t hit home. Maybe it will make them think twice about their amount of sunbed use. You’ve kind of done all you can by mentioning the risk.

....it's funny. It's because I'm vain and don't want wrinkles (as well as skin cancer) that I stay away from sunbeds. It's fake tan all the way for me :).....and my skin is thanking me for it now I'm in my 50s but don't look it

Yep. People get very defensive about this stuff. I couldn't give a toss what anyone else chooses to do with their own body - smoke if you want, drink like a fish, bake yourself silly under a tanning bed etc Its not affecting me in any way.

But at least make informed choices and be aware of the medical risks because some people here are claiming things that simply arent medically sound and are no more than old wives tales.

I don't blame you at all for being upset. You were just trying to give your DP some good (great), even lifesaving advice! Step mum is just being overly defensive

Where's the judgement? I am stating medical facts. I don't personally care what anyone does.

She is perfectly entitled to hold and express her (wrong) opinion.

My mum abused sunbeds for years and got skin cancer about a decade ago. It wasn’t really a big deal, the mole was removed and she was fine so she now still sunbathes for hours.

Malignant melanoma can kill you if it spreads just like any other primary cancer. Good that they caught your mums on time but to say "it's not a big deal" is extraordinarily ignorant.

Some people who are already naturally more tanned (like me) tan ridiculously easy despite factor 50. My face, arms and chest area which have been more exposed recently than the rest of me are really brown right now because it’s been so hot here, I always wear sun cream.

This aside, I don’t know why you’re “upset” OP. It’s their skin and their choice to damage it. My mum abused sunbeds for years and got skin cancer about a decade ago. It wasn’t really a big deal, the mole was removed and she was fine so she now still sunbathes for hours.

You're not wrong, but I voted that you are being unreasonable, because you won't make other adults like that change their minds.

I'm in Australia, tanning beds are banned here. do some people find ways to still use them? Yes, Do I think they're morons? Also yes.

Sometimes you just can't save people from themselves, but at the same time, we probably all have some area where we could do better. Too much red meat, too much to drink, not enough exercise, not the right exercise. I try my best with most things, but I'm not perfect. You've stated how you feel, you may have also upset them, move on and don't mention it again.

I am surprised how dictortorial MN can be sometimes. It isn't up to you to instruct them how to live their lives. Constantly the people with very high BMIs on here are told they are being discriminated against and should embrace their bodies as they are which is just as life shortening. Wine o'clock is seen as a fun and edgy thing often. You can't control people's choices. In the scheme of things, a few sessions a year is not likely to kill anyone and if it does, then its very bad luck but they made their choice. To be upset and affected by it is narcissistic and I think you just didn't like being challenged when you said you didn't want your OH to do something. He is also a free human. Or at least, the poor bugger should be.

I just wanted to add to this that the UV ‘beds’ and ‘cabinets’ for medical purposes, usually very severe psoriasis and other skin conditions, are extremely specialised and medically supervised.

Even when I have spent time at the Dead Sea spa centre, there was clinic supervision and support.

Once you reach your maximum lifetime hours of UVB/UVA, that’s it. You are moved onto a new treatment.

I’m now on biologic injections.

And my skin? Perhaps it’s down to the medical supervision, the drive to moisturise with emollient x3 daily, and luck, but it’s very smooth and soft for my age. I do have BCCs though, and they are removed periodically at an NHS dermatology clinic. I always kept my face covered during treatments and interestingly have had no BCCs there.

I don't understand why anyone would use one, but it's silly for you to be "upset" by her comment. You can't police what others do, just keep out of it.

People are vain and idiots. Also: tell your partner sunbeds don't protect you from cancer... Only sun screen and staying out of the sun does that.