Assaulted by doubles partner - would you take further?

I'm really surprised at the poll results on this so far. I'm a bloke and I'd be really fucking annoyed if a random smacked my arse, I can only imagine how much worse it'd be for a woman.

At the very least I'd be reporting it to the club, and I'd be seriously thinking about the police as well.

And I wonder how those men feel. May be they don’t like it either. What a twunt.

Hysteria is a word often used to minimise the reaction of women to what men do to them. You are a misogynist and touching women in this way is the thin end of the wedge. Report the fucker to the police and to the club. I hope you are ok, OP.

I Want to start by saying how you feel is totally valid, and you did the right thing speaking out at the time but i would try to weigh it up. This man has a history of being very OTT on the court and has never to your knowledge made any sexual comments or unwanted touches towards anyone you know of. Personally i would make the club aware, and ask to no longer be put in pairs with him in the future, this safe guards yourself and puts it on record. If you hear of any other Sexual assault happening, i would then report it to police.

Have you seen him do this to male players? If so, I would speak to someone at the club and ask them to not do anything for now, just make them aware it happened and then if it happens again or to another woman then they know it’s not just a one off accidental moment as he claims.

If he doesn’t do this to male players I’d be more concerned that he’s just tried his luck and when you pulled him up on it has made an excuse and then I would make an official complaint.

Please be assured Katie that the poll result is only slightly in the direction of YABU. The question was whether or not you would be unreasonable to take it further. I think most of us agree that your being upset is not unreasonable.

I totally agree with this - there are some way OTT responses on this thread. Do people seriously think this is something for the police to get involved in? As in, the police who don't have the capacity to investigate much more serious offences than a slap on the bum properly? Those police?

I think what OP has already done in making it clear that she was not okay with his behaviour is the right thing. If he's said sorry, he's never done it to her before, she's not aware of him doing it to other women, and he's always been fine to be around otherwise, I can't see any benefit to taking it any further. Don't partner up with him again if you feel uncomfortable - he will know why you don't want to be his partner and if he's an otherwise okay bloke he'll be much more mindful of how he behaves in the future.

How would getting kicked out of a tennis club ruin his life 😂😂😂

Padel?

bad behaviour v common.

report to the club. Do not accept this.

Tbh I probably would.

I think women can feel under pressure regarding how we 'ought' to deal with men's assaults - as if there is a morally correct way to respond. Instead, perhaps think about the outcomes you want & the consequences you'd prefer to avoid and plan the best way of achieving these.

For me, if he seemed generally decent, I might ask to have a word and explain why his behaviour was so out of order and how bum slapping is experienced by women who are all at some level continually aware of and guarding against the potential of men to assault them. I'd put up with the discomfort of the conversation if I thought the outcome could be a realization of what he'd done and a change in his behaviour. I wouldn't do this if I thought he wouldn't listen or I'd get emotional. I'd be less inclined to put up with the discomfort around reporting him if I wasn't sure how officials would respond & how effective the outcome would be. I'd do it if I was confident in the process and the people.

Basically, I'd think through likely scenarios and try to guess what will make you feel better not worse, rather than doing what anyone else thinks you ought to.

I would make a note of it, and keep an ear cocked for other misdemeanors by this chap.
It could have been meant totally innocently.
Don't ruin this chaps life for one mistake, unless you know it's not a one-off.

I feel women have to be careful, but back in the 70's this was the 'norm'
NOT saying it should have been or should be now but we need to man up so we get taken seriously when it's needed.

Wow. Would you write this if OP was your daughter or wife?

Thought not

Tap on the bum is so inapproprate.
Bum is sexual
Other body isnt is it!

When you see him, tell him he needs to watch his step, and if he doesn’t, he’s going to land himself in a heap of trouble acting like that.

The twat shouldn’t need telling in this day and age.

I’m sorry you were assaulted by this man OP. Don’t let posters minimize it. Absolutely report formally the club. Insist he is banned. I hope you’re ok. We believe you.

which century are you in? Personally I'd have told him to keep his hands off loudly and been done with it but I know plenty of people would be more uncomfortable and as you are one of then I'd report him to the club and I would not play with him again.

You told him not to do it again. He apologised. That's enough. Tell the club if you want but There's no need to involve the police over something like this Why ruin a man's life over something so small.

It's possible he did forget himself in the heat of the moment as we all do sometimes.

Sorry your upset though!

I would report it officially to the club.

Christ in heaven this thread is depressing reading.
How the hell do we as a society hold men accountable for their actions when so many women on this thread would just shrug off this man’s completely unacceptable behaviour?

Having an unofficial word with the club is not down playing the incident.
The club should take her approach to them seriously. If they don't then of course OP should go down the route of making the complaint official.

You have every right to be upset, he shouldn’t have touched you. I don’t get how saying he’s an equal opportunities sex pest makes it any better.

It’s also not the same as football teams. Those men know each other inside out, spend huge amounts of time together and hopefully know each other’s boundaries. That’s completely different to someone you occasionally see to play sports together.

He clearly can’t read the room if he’s blindly smacking arses so there may well be men he’s also made uncomfortable.

I would leave it. You told him you didn't like it and he apologised. He doesn't have form for this kind of behaviour.

It is quite recognised that other men in sport do this to each other and I think it is fair enough that he may well have forgotten that it was inappropriate to do this to you.

It would be complete overkill to report this to the police.

Is this actually a serious question? The bum is an intimate area, the one we tell children that nobody else must touch, the head isn't. Are you just trolling?

You told him not to do it again, he said sorry. Report to club if you think he done it because you're a woman.
Leave police to get on with the real crimes against women.
Sorry you are so upset about this x