Assaulted by doubles partner - would you take further?

But he justified by saying I do it to others… I’m sure many men wouldn’t want it either!

@Katiew29 I think you should report it to the club. They should ask you what you would like to happen (not make promises that they will do it, but they should ask you).
You can say that you would like them to speak to him to remind him that all touching must be with consent; that bum-slapping and hugging may be unwanted and unwelcome, by people of either sex; and bum-slapping in particular may cause some people distress; that just because people have not complained/objected does not mean they are not uncomfortable- sexual assault is under-reported and people engaging in social activities when such things occur are conditioned by society to “not make a fuss”.

You can of course say you would like any other resolution - I am just trying to demonstrate that it is not all-or-nothing report to the police or say nothing.

The world of professional, single sex sport is rather different - footballers also run around with their shirts over their heads, hugging and kissing each other. It isn't creepy, it's an all-men strong community.

The bum is an intimate area .. but maybe not in a team sport competition in which the culture (which is not for me BTW) is patting head, hands, backs, bums and legs.

OP I would report this man to the club at the very least.
This thread is encouraging in that most posters agree that something should be done about a creep who can't keep his hands to himself. I'm 64 but when I was young, it was considered just one of those things if a man was "handsy". In my first job after university there was a researcher (I worked in a univ lab) who would come into my workplace on the pretence of making an enquiry and put his arm round me, "accidentally" touching my bust. He did it to other women too and we laughed it off, calling him an old pervert and an octopus. We wouldn't have complained about him because we knew we wouldn't be taken seriously. These days I wouldn't hesitate to get him into serious trouble.

It’s fairly split in terms of going to the police but a lot of us support you. At the very least report to the club and refuse to play with him again. Don't stop going, just sit out if he is on the court and tell people why (he assaulted you)

He was wrong but you dealt with it at the time. I can't see what outcome you could hope for by taking it further.

I've actually been sexually assaulted and a slap on the arse is nowhere near as traumatic

It's only sexual assault if the potential victim feels it is.

Just bull advice 🤣

its 2026. If he sexually assaults someone (and this is sexual assault) then he faces the consequences. He’s defending himself saying he’s repeatedly sexually assaulting people at the club so at the very least the club should deal with it formally. If the OP wants to go to the police that is her choice. He committed a crime.

Its not Ok for him to be doing this to male partners anymore than female partners.

I once served drinks for an event in a family member's bar on hallowe'en, dressed as a zombie in a hospital gown. While I was walking around the bar, a man put his hand inside my gown and squeezed my bum.

I froze and remember feeling that horrible, hot, sticky panic bubble in my chest, I was incredulous, embarrassed, and also immediately, simultaneously making excuses for the man. He must be drunk, my gown was sort of open at the back, I've worked in bars before and this is just par for the course... despite knowing inside myself that there is no excuse and that I was really upset.

I told my mum immediately and she said "sometimes darling, women are just as bad as men", whatever the fuck that means in this context??? I remember how I felt, and the thought of some unknown random man feeling so entitled to my body plus my mum's completely baffling response, still upset me now.

Long story short, it is not ok to touch anyone who has not actively invited you to do so. You are entitled to feel upset, and no mountain/molehill BS supersedes your own experience of unwanted touching. You should deal with it in whichever way makes you feel reassured.

@Katiew29 I voted YABU because I think it's excessive to go to the Police. But I certainly don't think you are unreasonable to feel outraged about it, and I do think you should complain to the club, so that he gets the message loud and clear that he needs NOT to do it again (it isn't alright to do it and apologise).

As someone who has been involved in competitive team sports their whole life (rugby, hockey, rowing) I would say slapping on the arse is pretty uncommon. Slaps on the back, congratulatory hugs, high fives, ruffling of the hair after a score or final whistle were the norm.

You addressed it with him at the time, he explained his actions and apologised. Does it really need to go any further than that?

Yeah men do this in sport. I wouldn't escalate it, personally. Sport is one of the few times men feel ok showing any sort of affection to each other and he just saw you as a sporting companion in that moment. Up to you, though.

How do you feel about being around him/ playing with him in future? Could you subtly find out if he does indeed do this to male players? Do you think it was a genuine mistake?

To report it is to make a judgement about why you think he did it . Do you think he did it for sexual gratification? Or did he misjudge a gesture of camaraderie wrongly in the heat of the moment and wishes he could chop his hand off now . From what you've said he's rather tactile and likes to celebrate loundly anyway with hugs and high fives etc . I honestly couldn't put anyone or their family through a police visit for whats probably the one of the worst things you can be accused of if I wasn't fairly sure their was genuine sexual intent , especially when I've dealt with it immediately and made it clear despite his intent it was inappropriate and very unappreciated . That's not to say your not entitled to feel violated or uncomfortable,but it s not a criminal matter more of a misunderstanding of personal boundaries .

If it is a proper club, with policies and procedures, they will not be able to do anything unless there is an official complaint. There is no such thing as an “unofficial complaint” - if someone “just wants to let you know but doesn’t want to make a complaint” then no action can be taken as there is no basis for doing so. Without an official complaint it would look like the club is taking action on a whim.

it is so frustrating when someone makes an “unofficial complaint” as absolutely nothing can be done.

You are not being unreasonable. People have been conditioned into thinking this is normal - it’s not. If a random stranger did it in the street nobody would say that was ok would they? At the very least, report him to the club formally and make them tell him it is sexual assault. Also if you’re comfortable you could tell him what he did is sexual assault and that you will not be playing with him again. You do not have to make yourself uncomfortable to protect a man’s feelings. His sexual contact wasn’t welcome and he needs to be officially told that by the club.

I would definitely advise making a formal complaint to the club. In writing. And make it clear that you view it as assault, and if it happens again to you, or you observe him doing it to another woman, then you WILL make a complaint of assault to the Police.

It will be recorded in the stats. So if the OP decides to report it there is something to be gained. If the police talk to him then he will definitely be more aware of his actions in future.

Nope. Slapping someone’s bum without their permission is not acceptable. It never has been. It was just accepted at times but shouldn’t have been. It’s not the OPs job to watch to see if this man messes up again. It’s this man’s job to regulate his own emotions and behaviours. The OPs only job is to decide what she wants to do about something that was a violation of her body autonomy.

The police is definitely overkill and would be a waste of their time. I think you could put in writing to the club that you think members should be made aware of the fact that it is not appropriate to do this to women (on the basis that apparently it's common to do this in sport). I wonder whether all men like it being done to them - I doubt it.