Assaulted by doubles partner - would you take further?

Honestly, he did it, you didn't like it, he apologised.

If he doesn't show any more inappropriate behaviour, I'd leave it.

You watch other sports & it happens all the time. He may have genuinely forgotten himself and been on auto pilot.

Unless there's a big back story about his behaviour, I'd leave it.

I agree. You could refuse to partner him in future too and tell him and the others exactly why.
That’s what I would do, I think.

Could you not have grasped his testicles and sharply twisted them?
Or maybe thrust your tennis racket handle hard up in his crotch?

I would do neither. You told him not to do it again, he didn’t and his explanation seemed reasonable to me - over familiar and overly jubilant.

I wouldn’t like it , but if his behaviour was otherwise fine, I wouldn’t destroy his life over it

Yeah, apart from being a sexual offence, it is very belittling and condescending condescending. How dare he imagine he has the right to touch your arse! 😡

I would certainly report it to the club

Only you really know the context and how it felt at the time.

If you genuinely believed him when he apolgised/explained I wouldn’t take it any further.

If you felt it was sexual then report it.

It is common in men’s sports teams to pat each other on the bum.

My lacrosse team also does, it’s just what we do, I’ve never really thought about it or felt it was inappropriate.

I agree totally with DizzyDrizzy.
MN does seem to get a bit hysterical over things that could be sorted with a forceful reprimand. You have already put him in his place and just follow it up, next time you see him, with that if he so much as touches you in future you will take it further and be done with it.

And there it is in your last paragraph: don't be that woman who 'causes issues'. Smile nicely and accept whatever men dish out to you.

That is why men like this think they should be at liberty to assault women by slapping them in this way and 9 times out of 10 the woman won't want to 'cause issues' or make a fuss.

Bloody hell. I thought we'd moved on from that sort of thinking.

I know this isn't the acceptable thing to say on MN, but I think this is pretty personal in terms of how much it upsets a person. It wouldn't bother me at all, but I know that some people (men and women) would utterly hate it. Hopefully this man realises that now and has learnt a lesson. I wouldn't take it further but frankly if my husband was angry then I'd let him have a stern word with him. I appreciate this sounds very retro, but giving my honest opinion.

@Katiew29 I voted YANBU. I wouldn't go as far as police at this stage. Like others have said, I would have a word with the club and do not partner him again. Make it clear it's because of the slap though - don't make excuses. Think the whole slapping women or men on the bum (carried away or not) is really weird. Way back in the 1990s there was a mad episode of Friends when Chandler's boss kept whacking Chandler and other male employees on the arse and bursting out laughing. To watch it now, it just looks rank and shows how far we've come regarding power play and what's acceptable. I hope you get a better doubles partner OP.

I think it’s a little excessive to go to the police , but certainly mention it to the club. Maybe they can send out a memo about how banter-type behaviour is not tolerated.

Well done on calling him out at the time.

Your poll is about whether you should report it to the Police.
And I can see why many people would think it’s not worth it - in part because what do you think will happen if you do?

But I woudnt take that as a sign you’re over reacted and his behaviour is normal etc…. Because it’s not.
And yes even ‘they all do it at football’.
If other men are happy to be touched by a man on a foot ball pitch says nothing about whether it’s ok for men to touch women bottom on the pitch or outside the pitch or during some competition (fir whatever sport).

I would report it to the club @Katiew29.
It migut only fine out as an email or letter to all members telling them to remember their manners, including not touching people’s bottom.
Some men might be thankful for that too

You report him to the police, and to the club. Put your report in writing to the club committee and make sure they know you’re contacting the police. His behaviour is not acceptable under any circumstances! No one has any rights whatsoever to slap, touch, feel, grope, makes any kind of physical contact with another person!

I am very pro calling men out on their behaviour. But I do think contacting the police about this is OTT. I honestly don’t think the police would do anything about this.

I think the best thing would be to have an informal word with somebody at the club about it - maybe a memo could be sent out to all members reminding them about their conduct.

I absolutely hate the fact that this is even a thing… but I would also be careful about being thought of as somebody who ‘causes issues’ as I think the majority of people would think anything further than an informal word would be OTT. You might struggle getting a partner etc. going forward.

Oh and meant to say, please don't ask your husband to speak to him.

You dealt with it absolutely perfectly. You don't need a man to speak for you.

This woman is not owned by her husband. Why can’t he not sexually assault women (and men). His defence was I do it to others.. therefore the club needs to be made aware and step in. Let’s also not forget the violence part. Touching a bum is sexual assault but hurting someone with a slap and the humiliation too makes it far worse. Women were subjected to this in the office in the 70s and we’ve move on but some still seem to think it’s only a bit fun. It’s not - she was assaulted and humiliated. It’s only by consequences that this man and others will learn

Short answer OP. He was inappropriate. You responded in an appropriate manner.

No I wouldn't take it further to answer your question assuming it does not recur.

^ This.
I would hold off reporting to the police at this stage if I were you but it definitely needs reporting to the club and, if nothing is done by the club, then, in your shoes, I might take it further and report it to the police, if only to make someone take notice.

I was also coming on to say that, I'm pretty bloody certain, he doesn't go around slapping other men on the arse.

I certainly wouldn’t get my husband to say anything FGS - how infantalising is that. I’m perfectly capable of putting a dickhead in his place without running to my husband to protect his piece of property.

I think your actions at the time were totally correct, and you made it clear to him not to do it again. And I wouldn't partner him again.

That would be my view & approach. But then, I wouldn’t be especially upset by it, just pissed off. If you’ve told him not to do it again then I’m not sure what else you think should happen.

I think you need to look at the meaning of it… obviously consent is a factor and this woman did not consent

No - I think a word from your husband would be quite sufficient. I know you were affronted by his actions, but it does seem that is his character and he acts the same with men and women. What would be the point of reporting the man - maybe getting him a criminal record in so doing? Please don't.

I think there is far too much 'report him, 'report them' suggestions on here. People should just deal with most things themselves and they will mostly work out.

We all have different experiences, it’s not a competition. I have been raped and I am still fuming for OP. I think the club and/or police would have a word with him, even if he is not going to be sent to jail for it. The point is your “advice” was not correct.

Often these people start with a slap on the bum that nobody questions, they get bold and move on to worse things.