Assaulted by doubles partner - would you take further?

you don't actually know though.
It could be a complete one off and him just not thinking.
It could be the tip of an iceberg of dodgy behaviour.

Look at Gisele Pelicot - her husband was only found out because he was caught taking up-skirt photos. Lots of people would say that's not something to bother going to the police about - it could be argued that someone taking a blurry, unidentifiable picture that might get a half view of your pants if they're lucky is less serious/humilating than someone smacking your bum in front of others.

Also worth noting that in Scotland and Wales smacking a child on the bum is illegal, so not sure why it should be accepted for a man to do to a woman. Even if he does do it to men as well, perhaps they don't like it either!

Personally I would definitely report it to the club. At least then there will be a record even if you don't take it further immediately, Police would depend on exactly how he reacted - if he was mortified and apologetic then it might lend credence to his 'he does it to mates and just forgot' excuse, even if it doesn't excuse it. If he just shrugged it off and gave a token apology to shut you up I'd be tempted to take it further.

Are you close with any of the other people who were playing to chat to them about it? They might be able to confirm if he does/n't slap men usually.

We've heard from lots of people that this slapping on the bottom behaviour is currently popular in various sports. The best way to stop the behaviour not only of this man but potentially of other men (and conceivably even women) at the club is to go via the club and to get them to send an email round or to amend the club rules or whatever.

Men who physically assault women are cowards and often back down when a man tells them to. Doesn't really matter what century it is.

It makes total sense to stop such disgraceful behaviour! In what circumstances is it ok for anyone to slap someone on the arse because ‘they always do it’ ! Even cat-calling and wolf whistling after someone is no longer tolerated!

Actually I would be upset if one of my adult ds was doing that.

Not touching someone wo their consent, let alone on their bottom (or beasts etc…) is somethimg I’d hope they know and would never do.

Isn't there a parallel here with the case in which the Spanish football federation president kissed a female football player after her team won.

Just like the OP's doubles partner, he also claimed that he did it in a spirit of over enthusiasm at the win, and yet a Spanish court convicted him of sexual assault, find him the equivalent of £8,942 and he was suspended from his job.

He eventually resigned, which he was pretty much forced to do, by the outcry his behaviour caused.

I wonder how many posters on here saying that the OP should just let it go thought the same about the football player.

Can't see a lot of difference really.

Let it go, unless it happens again.

It's about the impact on the victim not the intent of the perpetrator.

Though, honestly, I would bet money that smacking a woman's bum is sexually motivated. He just thought he could get away with it.

Conversely, would you feel so cross if it were your son had been the complete idiot in this scenario?
Thought not

I don't see any point in going to the police unless the OP suspects that the man was trying to hurt her or to get a sexual thrill. If she believes his story, then it makes much more sense to deal with the issue either direct with him (as she has done) or with the club. And I think it's very unlikely that the police would prosecute.

So out of curiosity, what makes you believe it was sexually motivated?

There’s a lot of abusive men on Mumsnet and women who think it’s ok for women to be abused by men so don’t take the poll for gospel!

report this arsehole to the club and the police as he assaulted you!!

So have I, and so have many other women on this thread, even the OP might have had much worse happen. It still doesn't mean that this particular incident wasn't sexual assault, which it is and OP is entitled to feel upset about. Sexual assault is a broad spectrum legally.

That doesn't mean that every time he has done it to someone else that it has been sexual assault.

The police would laugh behind your back at reporting this

The police won’t do anything about this
Of course not, they have much important business to get on with!

The police won’t do anything about this

I mean, non-consentually touching a man's bum is also sexual assault. It's really not ok to be touching anyone's bum without a clear invitation!
Which is where the world has gone plain stupid! The guy does it to his male partners. Is that likely sexual too? Not all touch is sexual in nature!

What next? Touching one shoulder? Could be a sexual rub! We are already evolving in a society where people limit communication for the fear of offending, next nobody will come close to 5 metres of eachother in case it's interpreted as a sexual pass!

I mean, non-consentually touching a man's bum is also sexual assault. It's really not ok to be touching anyone's bum without a clear invitation!

What an over dramatic response! He did something that he normally does to men, so it wasn't a sexual gesture. He got caught in the heat of the moment and made the same gesture without realising you would take it differently.

He realised it was wrong, apologised right away and you chose to continue playing. If such forgetfulness is going to have such an impact on you, you probably should stick to playing with women only.

What result do you want?

The end result if the police/CPS took it to court for sexual assault is that he would be will be placed on the Sex Offenders register for a fixed period (typically 5 years). This requires them to register their home address, travel plans, and any changes in circumstances with the police.

Any DBS Check would pick that up and it would bar them from many professions, volunteering roles, or positions of trust for the rest of their life.

A Permanent Criminal Record would be likely to restrict international travel (such as getting a visa for the US or Australia).

Then some mens groups would publicise this as "man loses whole life over brief pat on bum", and many in the club would likely cease to be your friends.

I get you can argue that this is entirely his own fault. But the range of answers here suggests that many (most) would see such an outcome as disproportionate.

OP, you are not being unreasonable if you feel that you should report it. I’m in my 60s and when younger, women put up with the sexual ‘banter’, the staring at our breasts, rubbing against us etc. We never called these obnoxious men out. Women have come a long way since then and stand up for themselves more, and men should now know what the boundaries are.

Having said all that, and maybe it’s me reverting and being a wimp, I would contact the man and tell him that what he did was sexual assault and that you are going to report it unless he stops, even with men. It’s possible that he did forget himself but if he’s genuine in his apology then he will understand. If he argues then report straight away, no buts (excuse the unintended pun)

Although I do not believe for a minute that he ‘forgot himself’.

Nobody just forgets the difference between a male bum and a female bum, nor social norms

He was pushing boundaries. I suspect he knows that and had his excuse worked out in advance

I think it is really good that you told him in no uncertain terms immediately. It it is easy to freeze in those situations.

Whether you take it further is up to you but I think you have done brilliantly so far

I'd leave it, personally. It was a one-off, you called it out, he apologised and gave what sounds like a plausible explanation. If it happened again, then absolutely do something about it.

That's just me though. I also don't think I'd still be feeling raw the next day over what, to me, was a fairly minor incident I'd dealt with and he'd apologised. And before anyone jumps on me, I've been the victim of sexual assault and more, so I do understand how violating unwanted touching can be.

That said, I personally wouldn't put a celebratory slap on the bum in a public, non-threatening sporting environment, followed by an apology, in the same category as sexual assault. If he'd actually groped your bum or your breast, that would be a completely different conversation.

But I'm not you, and everyone reacts differently. Only you know why this has stayed with you, whereas I'd probably have put it behind me straight after the event. I think going to the police would be OTT.

As someone else asked, if you report it to the club, what are you hoping will happen? You've already had an apology, so what outcome are you looking for?