AIBU to refuse GTA for my 14-year-old despite peer pressure?

I let my son have it when he was 12 for similar reasons. It has very sexual and violent content though. My son is now waiting for GTA6 which he can only play at friends as our PS isn't advanced enough for the graphics. He never plays the old version or other 18+ games anymore but there was definitely an addictive period. I only truely object to horror games. Not saying I'm the best example but this has been my experience. My younger son is 12 and does not want to play it. He says he'll wait at least till he's 16.

GTA is a game for adults, hence the big yellow 18 sticker on the front.

That sticker has been put there due to careful assessments by qualified psychologists.

You can choose that as a basis for deciding which age groups the game is appropriate for.

Or you can choose internet experts who apparently think it is OK because, in their words, "it never did them or their kids any harm".

Honestly, I have 5 boys and they played GTA at that age. They were all lovely teenagers and it didn't turn them into juvenile delinquents! They're all grown men now and normal law abiding citizens. I do think the hysteria about computer games is over the top - when I was a teen, it was gory horror films and heavy rock music being warned about and it didn't turn us into monsters either! Let him have the game and play it with his friends - it really won't do him any harm.

My husband loves GTA and has all of them. The kids would often be in the room when he was playing so were exposed to it. It didn't do them any harm. My DD used to like to play - she just drove around getting haircuts and buying new clothes! It doesn't have to be massively violent, and it is just a game. How is he affected by other games? Is it just the rating, or the idea of playing the game and the effect it has on him that you are worried about? If it is just the rating, buy it for someone else in the family and say he can play on it when supervised.

YANBU.

Sorry about your older son. But if it hadn't been the choice of games console, it would have been something else. It's not your fault.

Exactly. A normal 14 Yr old in leafy Berkshire still has access to everything a 14 Yr old in Brixton has.

with the tv shows on tv these days gta is quite tame, for me i was into metal gear solid series at 14ish then the original top down gta on pc at 15/16 and similar with command and conquer, theme hospital, theme park, roller coaster tycoon etc so they balanced the effects out from each of them

Have a chat with him
be honest about your concerns - about the game and socially for him
See what he says take it from there

My parents thought it wasn’t every school or social group or region in the country and I still got pregnant at 15 and my brother was smoking weed younger than that.

I remember in primary school the boys in my class talking about gta, I wouldn’t let mine play it that young either but by 14 he probably already knows about the bad things in the game. And in two years he can join the military.

Your 14yo is likely already being/been exposed to everything GTA has in its offering unfortunately. In my experience, it’s the fact that it’s been withheld that causes the apparent ‘need’ or want of it…it’s become forbidden fruit. I had similar with Roblox years ago…finally relented and DS played with it for all of 4 hours then deleted it.

I totally agree you can't wrap kids in cotton wool. Normalising illegal drug use and underage sex, however, is nuts. That isn't every school or social group in every region of the country. I'd be deeply worried if my kids were spending time with people doing things like that at 14. I appreciate not everyone has a choice of where they live and who their kids grow up with, but it isn't and shouldn't be normal everywhere.

As for GTA, my worry is that modern games are FAR more immersive than movies. And I would absolutely not be letting my kids play games with the level of violence against women, normalising profiting from the the sex and drug trade and general levels of sexualisation of women that modern GTA games have. If you aren't aware of how realistic games are now, I would strongly, strongly advise against letting your children play a game you haven't played first. I can almost guarantee that you'll think twice about it.

In a post Adolescence world, surely people can't really think that letting a 14 year old child role play in a hyper-realistic gangster ridden world is harmless. I wouldn't let my 14 year old in a strip club in real life so I wouldn't let them into a virtual one in GTA, either.

(I'm a gamer and not anti-gaming. The age ratings are there for a reason)

Get it and encourage your DH (or you) to play it too. Talk about what's good about it and what's dodgy about it.
It's a great game according to my DS who is nearly 40 now and a very gentle nerd.

I have a rule where my kids can play the next age level up, so my 13 year old can play things rated 15 but not 18. So he can stretch a bit but there’s still some measure. We also talk about the premise of different games, he plays in a public room so I can keep an eye out. There are games he plays that I’m not keen on, but I’m not the one playing it. GTA is out because it’s an 18, I’ll revisit it when he’s a bit older.

It’s hard because some of his friends do play, but DS understands why the rules are there and we find other ways to connect. I also know he’ll play when he’s at his friends house and I don’t get bent out of shape over that.

I remember being 10 and the boys in my class talking about GTA. Not something I’d allow as the mother of a 9 year old boy now. Not sure what some parents were thinking buying a game that says 18 on it for 10 year olds.

Saying that there’s a big difference between 10 and 14. When I think about the things I did at 14 playing a game with a few boobs and guns is probably not a big deal.

It’s really not that big a deal. What do you think is going to happen if you let him play it?

I played it on the PC from a much younger age then him and I turned out absolutely fine. It’s horrible being the only one singled out especially over something minor. He’s probably playing it at his friends houses anyway.

Be careful banning things, it can make them more attractive and encourage dishonesty. My parents were very religious and banned nearly everything, even the ghostbusters cartoons! This made me secretive and unable to talk to them about things

Lighten up and buy him the game. He’s 14 not 4. I played GTA when I was in primary school. Don’t go around car jacking and running people over it that helps.

I feel like the parents that outright ban GTA have never actually played the game.

Right from the early days of having a console I have said no to GTA. Even DH! Weirdly I’ve never had an issue with the other violent/first person shooter games but GTA feels different. I remember my brother having it when we still lived at home and thinking it was awful then.

YANBU

I'm not really of the thought process that a game like that would lead someone to commit violence in real life. Unless there's already something pretty wrong.

He must play other games where you have to shoot/kill the enemy/your opponents?
If he already games and you're fine with that I'd probably allow it.

At 14 I wasn't into games but I certainly watched plenty of 18 rated films. It was clear in my mind it's fictitious and for entertainment purposes. Not an instructional video on how to behave in real life.

Parents need to realise you cant wrap your ds in cotton wool. They'll see and hear things from their pals, and enemies, at school and outside school that would horrifying you. At 14 a lot of his pals will be drinking, smoking weed or worse and having sex regularly. And a lot will have total access to every bloody thing online. Or big brothers who like winding up their young brothers and give them access.

That's the world your kids are growing up in. Far better to let them make their own choices and teach them personal responsibility at 14 rather than ban everything you are scared of.