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AIBU?

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Original poster

Colleague wants her job back

115 replies

PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/07/2026 07:27

I started with a new employer two years ago and got promoted to my dream position a year ago.
I get on brilliantly with my team and im loving it.
The only fly in the ointment is that the person who used to do my job is on the team in a role with more responsibility and she hates it,finds it hard and stressful and wishes she'd never applied.
She actually told me yesterday that she wants her old job back and could we swap if allowed?
This is putting me in an awkward position as im sympathetic towards the fact that shes regretting her decision but at the same time this is MY job we're talking about.
AIBU to think for the love of God tell other people this if you need to vent not me.

OP posts:
OvertiredandConfused · 03/07/2026 11:20

This is a perfect occasion for "that doesn't work for me" said with a smile

LlynTegid · 03/07/2026 11:14

People can have regrets, perfectly normal.

Just respond by saying how you love your job.

TheignT · 03/07/2026 11:14

Sickoftheworldcup · 03/07/2026 11:07

Not your problem. Just say you don’t have the skills to do her job . Have a word with your line manager too and nip this in the bud .

Why should OP put herself down? If she's doing great in her current role why can't she just say she's happy where she is?

TheignT · 03/07/2026 11:11

PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/07/2026 10:30

There is no drama whatsoever.i just wanted other peoples opinions.

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Not from you but some the replies/advice on here is definitely making it a drama. Replies that are more than you are happy where you are, writing to management are all making a drama.

Sickoftheworldcup · 03/07/2026 11:07

Not your problem. Just say you don’t have the skills to do her job . Have a word with your line manager too and nip this in the bud .

FizzyPopLove · 03/07/2026 11:05

ClayPotaLot · 03/07/2026 07:53

Unless this is something you'd actually like, you just need to side eye her, laugh and say something like "Yeah, right!" then loudly tell a colleague
"You'll never guess what X suggested!"

Yeah because this would work wonders for good relations among colleagues. 🙄

Keep it professional, op. Say no and keep polite and firm.

Don’t gossip about it.

KateSixer · 03/07/2026 11:02

SwatTheTwit · 03/07/2026 10:38

Sucks to be her, I guess. It’s not your problem.

Sorry this is a reply to @igelkott2026

I'll be brief because this is a thread drift.

You are actually making the same point as me!

Since 2008 the NMW has gone up by about 38pc in real (after taking into account inflation) terms. So big increase.

But overall average incomes have stagnated in real terms and (again after inflation) show only a tiny increase compared to the 2008 level.

The conclusion from this is that the NMW is much higher now but the gap between the NMW and amounts paid to people on wages above the NMW has reduced.

Do one way or another people on wages higher than the NMW have indirectly borne much of the cost of the higher NMW.

Every action has a consequence!

mondaytosunday · 03/07/2026 11:00

Why are you even giving this any thought? Don’t feel guilty or whatever. You love your job. Unless you have ambitions to be the head of school (knowing nothing about progression in schools, but going from head of year to head of school seems a more natural progression than head of pastoral care to head), then you’ve presumably said to her that you aren’t interested. Carry on! And I’m really happy to hear you love your job as so many in education seem to hate theirs)!

BMW58 · 03/07/2026 10:48

I think it's quite ridiculous that you feel the need to ask opinions on this here instead of just telling her to get lost!!

Barking

Rubyslipperswitch · 03/07/2026 10:45

She is incredibly cheeky to try to put you in this position.

She made her choice and if she is not happy she needs to find herself a new job somewhere else.

Tell her no and get on with your job.

TheAmberKoala · 03/07/2026 10:42

haha its never worked like that anywhere Ive ever worked that people can just 'swap' jobs. management have the say who is in which role.

SwatTheTwit · 03/07/2026 10:38

Sucks to be her, I guess. It’s not your problem.

igelkott2026 · 03/07/2026 10:36

KateSixer · 03/07/2026 08:43

Not sure if this is the case here, but this can be one of the unforeseen consequences of increasing the national minimum wage.

As the NMW increases then the differential between those on the NWM and those in more senior or responsible roles often shrinks.

This leads to people being reluctant to take in more responsibility. While the obvious answer is to increase wages proportionally for everyone many businesses can't do this.

And even when they can this feeds through into higher prices for consumers.

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This is a debate for a different thread really but salaries are a low lower in real terms than they were in 2008. So employers can afford it, they just choose not to.

Original poster
PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/07/2026 10:32

LancashireButterPie · 03/07/2026 09:12

Be very careful OP.

Let management know that she wants your job because her next move could be one of manipulation to try to get you out of it.

"I see Princess Honeysuckle is not coping as pastoral manager is she? She's wrecking everything I did in that role, I might have to return to that dept to sort it out".

Im coping great and my manager has said ive had an amazing first year but I might mention it to HR anyway just in case.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/07/2026 10:30

TheignT · 03/07/2026 10:08

This. I don't get all the drama. She asked a question, OP had the opportunity to reply (probably said no) end of. If anything else develops then it can be dealt with but for now surely its done.

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There is no drama whatsoever.i just wanted other peoples opinions.

OP posts:
TheignT · 03/07/2026 10:08

ViaRia01 · 03/07/2026 09:20

I don’t think you need to worry or feel awkward. I understand why she asked - you may very well be looking for a next step with more responsibility (not much extra pay but maybe a stepping stone to progress your career elsewhere). What doesn’t suit her may have been ideal for you. So she asked your thoughts about jointly approaching management to discuss a job swap. It doesn’t suit you so you can just say no, guilt free, and not worry about it. Her job satisfaction is not your responsibility but unless there is more to it - like she is pressuring you or guilt tripping you - just leave it be.

This. I don't get all the drama. She asked a question, OP had the opportunity to reply (probably said no) end of. If anything else develops then it can be dealt with but for now surely its done.

Wishimaywishimight · 03/07/2026 10:00

I would just treat this as a joke/light-hearted conversation; "Hell no, I'm loving my job, no plans to move at all". I wouldn't be going to HR unless she kept badgering you. If she's just sounding you out then the above shows where you stand without creating unnecessary drama.

luckylavender · 03/07/2026 09:57

DozyCrow · 03/07/2026 07:33

If you're not interested in her job then say no. If she mentions it again then offer your sympathies that her new role isn't working out (if you feel generous) but be firm that switching is not an option.

And also not up to you

KarmenPQZ · 03/07/2026 09:55

does She have the remit to coordinate a swap I doubt it. Just laugh in her face and say ‘ohhhhh you’ve done such a good job selling it’

Paramaribo2025 · 03/07/2026 09:54

What?????
That's crazy.
No way.

Ibrox · 03/07/2026 09:52

PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/07/2026 07:33

Similar money with a fuck ton more responsibility

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So there's absolutely no incentive for you to change. She made the error of judgement, so it's her problem to deal with. Besides, she can't just go swapping roles around to suit herself.

Happyjoe · 03/07/2026 09:50

Of course not. You may feel sympathy but her mistake shouldn't come at a cost to you.

Silverbirchleaf · 03/07/2026 09:22

CCLCECSC · 03/07/2026 07:49

If she's unhappy in her role, then she needs to raise with management

That’s a good approach to take. If she mentions again, say you’re happy with your to role and say that if she has concerns, she should speak to her manager.

ViaRia01 · 03/07/2026 09:20

I don’t think you need to worry or feel awkward. I understand why she asked - you may very well be looking for a next step with more responsibility (not much extra pay but maybe a stepping stone to progress your career elsewhere). What doesn’t suit her may have been ideal for you. So she asked your thoughts about jointly approaching management to discuss a job swap. It doesn’t suit you so you can just say no, guilt free, and not worry about it. Her job satisfaction is not your responsibility but unless there is more to it - like she is pressuring you or guilt tripping you - just leave it be.

PatriciaRocks · 03/07/2026 09:20

LancashireButterPie · 03/07/2026 09:18

Ok Patricia dear, I'll consider myself told.

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That's good, dear 😁

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