AIBU to wish my toddler wasn’t so independent

One thing I will say is not to make too many assumptions yet. Personalities aren’t fixed at this age and a clingy toddler can turn into a very loving child.

I do know what you mean as my ds crawled off without a backward glance when I went back to work after maternity leave. He’s always been a bit nonplussed by ‘big events’ like starting nursery / school (on the surface anyway) and is very confident at navigating situations and places (too confident in all honesty.)

He has for the most part grown into a loving little boy. He may not have cried when I dropped him off at school for the first time but his expression of delight when he sees me at pick up tells me everything I need to know

My son was like this - was independent straight from birth basically. Didn’t need help with getting to sleep, didn’t like cuddles even if he fell and got hurt. He was always on the move and I think cuddles felt restrictive to him. He would go to the park or playgroup and just walk in and not look back at me. At the time it felt like he had no bond to me.
He started nursery when he was nearly 2.5 and even on his taster session he just walked in and started playing. Never had any issues dropping him off at nursery or with grandparents to be looked after (which is actually a relief). Some parents have a hard time dropping off a crying toddler, so I’m glad to not have experienced that yet. When he would be with family whilst I worked a few hours a week, he wouldn’t be bothered when I left, then when I’d come home he’d just look up at me and then continue playing. But now when I collect him from nursery he gives me a cuddle, says it’s nice to see me etc.
As he’s got older (he’s nearly 3.5 now), he has become more cuddly. He loves to snuggle up on the sofa, randomly cuddles me, tells me he loves me, gives kisses etc. I honestly never thought he’d be like that.
I think if you keep offering cuddles and affection then eventually he’ll come to appreciate it a bit more hopefully!
My second baby is much more affectionate and clingy to me and it has made me realise how much easier it was to get things done with an independent baby! I think my second will be harder to drop off at nursery 🫠

My son was always like this, even as a tiny baby he didn’t like snuggles. I’d say it changed when he was around 3 and he could understand the idea of love, making people feel loved etc. Now he’s still super independent and I don’t see him for dust at any social activity or soft play, but I get constant “I love you, Mummy” and lots of hugs and kisses both when I ask for them and of his own accord.

Looking at friends who had children who were wanted to be close to them often, I do think him being independent made my life easier. I’ve never had to worry about his confidence, his ability to make friends and socialise. He settled very easily into nursery, and was never phased by going to new classes or groups. When gymnastics or swimming classes moved to “no adults”, he didn’t blink whereas other kids really struggled. And I’ve definitely had a lot more time to chill while he gets on with independent play.

I came to say the same as lengokengo. My toddler like this has turned into an independent and forthright person but also thoughtful and caring. They still hate hugs. I think it is sensory. I work with children and I often think children like this are just busy. There's a lot to do and think about when you're a toddler. I also think he likely has a secure attachment to you as he takes you for granted. This is good.

I'm so sorry it's obviously really upsetting for you. All we want is a bond with our child.
I think I would speak to my health visitor or go along to my local children's centre sfor a chat. At the children's centre they will have play groups and be able to observe what's happening.
Does he display any of the following: limited use of words, poor eye contact, lack of response to their name, and a lack of pointing? These are all signs of autism in that age group. As is the lack of hugging due to sensory overload.
You'll have your 2 year check with the health visitor coming up to review their development but if you're worried ask via your GP for contact details if you've not got them. They will have a drop in clinic somewhere or organise a visit.
Get some support, a problem shared is a problem halved.

My DD had always been like this. Utterly frustrating at times when she was little as she paid no heed to me EVER and was completely unbiddable. A woman in a playground once said to me ‘you will be glad of this independence later when she knows what she thinks and says no to people on her own terms.’ Blew my mind and was completely correct!

it was extremely challenging at the time, but she is now a teenager and is thoughtful, very intelligent and still very independent: she is a delight as a , so much better than as a toddler!

I get it OP - sometimes we just want to sit and cuddle our babies. The reason he's so happy going off is because he loves you so much and got such a secure attachment he KNOWS you'll be there to go back to.