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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have told my sister she was unprofessional and inappropriate? * [Content warning: concerns baby loss]

258 replies

Girlsonahill · 02/07/2026 23:36

Without being completely outing, part of my sister's job involves going into lots of people's homes. We have a group whatsapp chat with our mum and although not the closest of sisters, generally talk most days get along fine. Today she posted a short video she filmed of a picture someone had up on their wall of their deceased baby and simply captioned "it's dead". This person was unaware she did this. I was horrified. gently told her I thought it was inappropriate and really unprofessional and I got a barrage of abuse back saying I was being judgemental and did I think I was the moral police. My mum said nothing presumably to keep the peace. She has form for being unable to accept any type of criticism but now I'm left feeling like I'm in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything. AIBU?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 03/07/2026 12:48

That's completely appalling of her. How utterly callous. Is there an Ombudsman you can report her to because I most certainly would.

BetweenTheThoughts · 03/07/2026 12:48

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
To be honest, I'd have found that really upsetting. Whatever the circumstances, filming something deeply personal in someone else's home without their knowledge and then sharing it in a family WhatsApp with the caption "it's dead" feels disrespectful.
I don't think you were acting as the moral police, I think you reacted to something that most people would find quite shocking.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 03/07/2026 12:47

Girlsonahill · 03/07/2026 11:17

For clarification I did actually challenge her response and let her know I was utterly disgusted. She told me its the most judgmental thing she's ever been sent and sent me a laughing face. She absolutely refuses to accept any accountability and she's always been this way. She is fiercely competitive, hates being wrong and unfortunately I hate to say it about my own sister, thinks everyone around her is beneath her

With that reaction I would say I wonder if your clients would agree? Or her employer! Honestly she’s unhinged. I’d leave the WhatsApp chat for sure

Moonpye · 03/07/2026 12:46

I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who did this, whoever they were

YourLoudEagle · 03/07/2026 12:41

Very unprofessional and potentially a professional misconduct/disciplinary issue. No permission or consent from the patient/client. At best its sharing data without consent (photos are data) at worst... well, its horrible isn't it! That is someone's child. Does she regularly film or photo client/patient houses???

Isitevensummer · 03/07/2026 12:40

Nearly50omg · 03/07/2026 12:37

I would report her to her employers personally! Sister or not!

She's self employed! But its disgusting behaviour, even before the truly horrifying post about the baby. I would just disengage from the chat.

Nearly50omg · 03/07/2026 12:37

I would report her to her employers personally! Sister or not!

SummerCycling · 03/07/2026 12:34

She needs to be prevented from visiting other people's homes immediately and permanently.

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 03/07/2026 12:34

She sounds like an arsehole and she is not going to change. I would mute the chat and message your mum and other siblings (?) directly to contact them. Or if you need to be in the group one just ignore every single message she sends from inside people's houses

GregoryFluff · 03/07/2026 12:27

Jesus Christ
Look, I've worked children's hospice. Some photography companies can do amazing shots of babies born sleeping. They are likely the only photos she can display in her house of her child. And a supposed professional has come in and filmed them to take the piss out of her stillborn child?
I do not say this lightly, your sister is a callous cunt
That would fundamentally change my opinion on somebody (and u say that as a laid back lass with plenty of experience of dark nurse humour)
There's a line, your sister obliterated it

NotThisShitAgain121 · 03/07/2026 12:27

Block her fucking nut job and go low or no contact.

godmum56 · 03/07/2026 12:24

Girlsonahill · 03/07/2026 11:55

Yes this. I think it's a combination of genuinely not being able to sympathise with people who've lost a baby and lack of awareness of why someone would want their picture on their wall. Also I believe she does it for attention. Most of the things she messages us are somewhat outrageous/ out the norm/ belittling of other people in order to garner attention. She's had a lot/continues to get a lot of attention from my parents/her partner so I'm not sure if this has contributed to the way she is

but she has already behaved unprofessionally, sharing images of people's homes on your group and making comments about the state if them. Yes the baby photo is a whole other level of nastiness but the line had already been crossed.

Girlsonahill · 03/07/2026 12:23

TakeThatAndParty81 · 03/07/2026 12:13

I think this post needs to come with a trigger warning. How absolutely heartbreaking your sister did this.

Yes do I just need to write this in the title? I'm deeply sorry for anyone in this thread who has experienced this

OP posts:
NotThisShitAgain121 · 03/07/2026 12:23

She needed calling on her shit and you did it - good on you. How would she feel if someone did that to her - bet you would hear it then and rightly so. She needs to sort her shit out, Maybe if this got out and she lost her job it would give her a kick up the arse and open her eyes!

NotThisShitAgain121 · 03/07/2026 12:20

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YANBU. Not even close.
What your sister did involved someone's private grief, filmed without their knowledge, captioned with something callous, and shared to other people. That's not a matter of taste or a joke that landed wrong — it's a real breach of the trust that lets her into people's homes for work in the first place. If the family whose baby died ever found out, it would be devastating, and honestly it's the kind of thing that could cost her the job if the wrong person saw it. Calling that unprofessional and inappropriate isn't harsh — if anything it's a restrained way of putting it.
The "moral police" accusation is a pretty classic deflection — it reframes "you did something that could really hurt someone" into "you're being uptight," which conveniently makes the conversation about your character instead of her behaviour. You said you gently raised it, which suggests you weren't even coming in hot; the barrage back sounds disproportionate to what actually happened.
Your mum staying quiet to keep the peace is understandable but it does mean you're the only one who said the thing that needed saying. That's an uncomfortable position, and it makes sense you're now second-guessing yourself — that's often what happens after getting yelled at, even when you were right. But feeling bad about the fallout isn't the same as being wrong.
You mentioned she has a pattern of not accepting criticism — I'd separate that from whether you were right to say something this time. You were.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 03/07/2026 12:20

She is disgusting for doing that

PetulaGordeno · 03/07/2026 12:20

I thought she’d sent a pic of a baby who’d just died.
I am now assuming she has sent a photo of a photo of a baby who’d died from somewhere within a home she’d been in?
It is not quite as grave, but it’s still appalling.
She sounds a bit unhinged and without empathy. People really trust someone like her with their home it’s such an intimate space.
I don’t really have any advice other than stop having her on your WhatsApp and tell her why.
Your mum is close to my age I would go nuclear if I received a message like that.
Stop giving her attention and feeding the beast by accepting her messages.

RampantIvy · 03/07/2026 12:14

Sadly, after I posted I discovered that this horrible woman is self employed. There is a regulatory body for estate agents, but I don't think they "police" estate agents very well.

I think some negative publicity on social media might do the trick.

TakeThatAndParty81 · 03/07/2026 12:13

I think this post needs to come with a trigger warning. How absolutely heartbreaking your sister did this.

snowmichael · 03/07/2026 12:12

RampantIvy · 02/07/2026 23:49

Isn't that a sackable offence?

> Isn't that a sackable offence?
Wouldn't it be a criminal offence?

Bumdumdarumdum · 03/07/2026 12:10

Unprofessional?? It's fucking horrendous! Photographing someone's picture of their dead baby and sharing it? I'm beyond horrified.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMn · 03/07/2026 12:07

My friends and family would probably say that I can be overly harsh sometimes and may make jokes about things that others would consider inappropriate. But even I would never make a joke about something so upsetting. Your sister is an awful person to even consider sending this to you. If she ever has her own children, you should remind her of this as I’d imagine she’d be thoroughly disgusted with herself.

randomchap · 03/07/2026 12:02

Stillreadingalot · 03/07/2026 11:51

She may technically have consent to take photographs/videos of the interiors of peoples homes but that consent us for the purpose of marketing the property for sale or rent. The sharing of photos/videos fir any other purpose is likely to be a breach of data protection so you could (and should) report her to the information commissioner.

Hee behaviour is really unprofessional and she is showing a complete disregard for the privacy and security of her clients.

Completely agree. She's staggeringly unprofessional and should be reported to the ico.

However doing that may destroy your relationship with her and your mum. Difficult decision

Daisymail · 03/07/2026 11:59

She's vile. Ask her how she thinks the homeowners would react to knowing she did this. Then ask how she thinks prospective clients would feel about inviting her into their home knowing she did this.

Marmaladeisorange · 03/07/2026 11:58

What a disgusting human being. Let's hope she never has to go through something like that herself.

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