“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

Absolutely this. Threads like this always bring out so many posters who say “well that wouldn’t bother me!” When that isn’t the point at all. We all have different boundaries, and this is clearly a boundary for the OP. I always find it interesting that so many women seem to hate it when other women are good at asserting their boundaries and are not prepared to put up with shoddy male behaviour, it always smacks of envy of other women’s standards and sense of self-worth.

The reference to "dense" is because you've missed the point spectacularly. No one cares or is interested in what you like sexually. It's completely 100% bloody irrelevant that his crass comment wouldn't put you off.

It put the OP off. She's in the early days of a new relationship. She's entirely right to think "yuk, no". And you and the other posters trying to make her think she's wrong or a prude or a "pearl clutcher" are bang out of order.

Personally I find the expression "roast dinner with all the trimmings" revolting even in a food context so a man saying that in relation to sex would be deeply unsexy and a complete turn off.

’Don’t forget to pack…’ is setting out his expectations. It sounds like a demand to me, albeit in a particularly passive aggressive way.

And if that’s an example of his flirting ability then God help her. But I’d agree with you that this isn’t a relationship that’s going to have a happily ever after ending.

But it’s not an instant ick if you’ve got a bit of a sense of humour - how people wouldn’t just laugh it off and move on with their day is beyond me
So uptight. @hereforthelolz It’s beyond me how that wouldn’t give you an instant ick. And how crap would your sense of humour have to be to find that amusing? Perhaps it’s not everyone here that’s being uptight. Perhaps it’s you whose reaction is odd?

From your title, I thought it was going to be a thread about you going for Sunday roast.

I'm not surprised you feel like a piece of meat. Urgh.

Maybe she just isn't into him in the first place....just a thought.

But it’s not an instant ick if you’ve got a bit of a sense of humour - how people wouldn’t just laugh it off and move on with their day is beyond me.

So uptight.

'Demand'??
It sounds like a throwaway remark to me, but only the OP knows that.

If he is in the habit of 'demanding' anything....God knows why she is planning to go away with him in the first place.
If, on the other hand, he was being flirty....pity she didn't take it in the same way.
Either way I doubt the relationship will be lasting much longer.

And he sounds like he’s ordering a customisable burger.

You’d need a very peculiar sense of humour to find a demand for lingerie and ‘all the trimmings’ sexy.

Can I ask if this is a particularly British attitude to sex and lingerie? I am not British. I adore wearing lingerie that makes me look and feel wonderful and I know the sort of that thing that suits me and put time and effort into sourcing the right thing. My boyfriend is also not British. Maybe relevant as I am asking about cultural things that we are Latin American. His pleasure in my body/lingerie is lovely and definitely turns me on to see it, but he would love me in anything! He also loves the fact that I am an independent woman, have outspoken views, a high powered career etc I get that everyone is different and this request should be seen in the context of the whole relationship though

Is what a particularly British attitude? Are you under the impression that all of us who think this man is grubby dislike lingerie? That none of us like wearing anything sexy or that our partners would enjoy? Because you are completely wrong and utterly missing the point, if so. She’s not objecting to wearing them. She’s not objecting to him wanting to see her in them. She’s objecting to him making her feel like a piece of meat.

You sound like a teacher not a girlfriend.
I hope he cancels first, and finds someone with a sense of humour to have weekends away with.

It might sound like a tongue in cheek comment to you. To me, it sounds like this weekend is going to be an utter disappointment for the OP at the hands of a man who doesn’t understand that really good sex starts long before you take your clothes off.

But we all find different things attractive. If that wouldn’t kill the mood for you, then great. Good for you.

"this request should be seen in the context of the whole relationship though."

Exactly this. /\

I don't 'lol', but I came close here. You have literally just re-iterated the point I was making.

It's not about whether you'd be ok with bringing sexy underwear, it was the clumsiness, the language and the use of the word 'trimmings'.

I despair at people's inability to understand nuance, I really do.

Where did I say any of that? My point is simply that more and more women are now (thankfully) expecting men to put an equal amount of thought and effort into romance and seduction. If the OP’s partner wants “all the trimmings” then he needs to also give “all the trimmings”, and it’s clear from the OP’s posts that he doesn’t.

And sexy clothes can absolutely be men’s domain as well by the way, and the fact you think it can’t says a lot.

I’m not dense just because I would find it sexy if my partner asked me to bring that. Yeh the trimming bit is a choice but it doesn’t put me off. People who don’t agree with you aren’t automatically dense btw

Love it 🙌🤣

Stuffing. Stuffing is 'trimmings' because you only really bother at Christmas, so it's 'extra fancy'.

OH MY GOD PEOPLE ARE SO DENSE

Me: I'm just packing
Him: Oh yeah? Anything I might like in particular....? (flirty, suggestive, fine.)

Me: I'm just packing
Him: Don't forget lingerie (boak) with all the 'trimmings'. (slightly desperate instruction from clammy, immature sex pest).

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHETHER STOCKINGS ARE NAFF AND 80S/UN-FEMINIST/UNSEXY/WHATEVER, IT'S ABOUT THE INSTANT ICK.

So the expectation is for men & women to have exactly the same thought processes, the same desire to initiate sex, the same libido, the same fantasies eg sexy clothes which incidentally have always been a woman's domain. Although I am all for women's rights and equality in general within society they simply cannot and never will be cut from the same cloth as men. There will always be situations where in the majority of cases men will prove more capable than women & vice versa. It's simply recognising and accepting the differences between men and women and basic human nature.

I live in a ǝɹnʇlnɔ ʇuǝɔɐɾpɐ-ɥsᴉʇᴉɹq🥝 and I've met people from Latin America through dance classes. I expect that may skew things but nevertheless both the men and women really enjoy looking good and if that involves a bit of sex appeal so be it.

I haven't seen any of them in their lingerie but I believe you have a point.

This is what I thought when I read the title - was waiting on some review of a roast dinner 😂

Ha ha this is why I started reading this thread as the "all the trimmings" I've only ever heard applying to roast dinners!

It’s not about a British attitude to sex and lingerie, it’s about men expecting women to constantly make the effort to fulfil male fantasies. It’s clear that the OP’s partner has not mentioned what he will be doing to seduce her, his expectation is all on her to accommodate him. I am so glad that more and more women are calling this nonsense out; women are expected to get all trussed up at every opportunity while so many men do fuck all in return.

You forgot the Brussel sprouts 😀

Maybe he was joking but forgot the LOL at the end. Send him a haha back and see what happens.