Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

530 replies

Penelopefly · 02/07/2026 20:58

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

OP posts:
Slave2thewage · 02/07/2026 21:42

aliceyyyy2654 · 02/07/2026 21:19

YANBU for not wanting to wear it but YABU for assuming no other women will. It seems you aren’t sexually compatible and that’s fine, you can find a man into vanilla sex and he can find someone kinky!

Exactly this - don’t make him out to be a creep just because it’s not what you’re into - I happily ask my bf if he’s packed ‘all the tools’ when we’re away for a weekend, likewise for him. I own plenty of stockings and suspenders - everyone has different tastes but no one is in the wrong!

Waitingfordoggo · 02/07/2026 21:41

Hopefulsalmon · 02/07/2026 21:32

I really don't like that phrase applied to roast dinners, never mind choice of underwear 🤮

Same! I dislike the phrase enough for roast dinners, even worse for lingerie.

Justonemorething82 · 02/07/2026 21:40

Consulted my husband. He suggested you tell him you’ve got all the accoutrements, suggest he bring a donut cushion and prepare for a right pegging.

Sexy, non?

NeatPinkFinch · 02/07/2026 21:40

I’d be coming down with an illness and then probably ending the relationship. I don’t like it when a man expects sex from me. Never mind dressing up!

nocoolnamesleft · 02/07/2026 21:39

Has he mistaken you for a roast dinner?

TheBlueKoala · 02/07/2026 21:39

Tell him to get his butt plug because you're bringing the strap on.

Bloozie · 02/07/2026 21:39

When the men start wearing itchy plastic pointless shit that cuts them in half, fine.

Until that point, if he's wearing a comfortable pair of boxers, I'm wearing a comfy pair of cotton pants and a supportive bra. That's as good as it gets.

TheBlueKoala · 02/07/2026 21:38

Wow. I only got cotton underwear to avoid fungus i would cancel if someone told me to bring trimmings. Ffs. If he's in love seeing you naked should be more than enough or is he porn damaged ?

Iheartlibrarians · 02/07/2026 21:38

Not only did I immediately think of Christmas dinner but my next thought was "does that mean he's bringing the giblets?".

Agree he sounds either older- or possibly very young? In any event if you haven't ever expressed an interest in getting trussed up like one of the ladies from Razzle wearing retro undergarments, I'd nip this in the bud sharpish, because that is a one-way ticket to Icksville.

Iaeve · 02/07/2026 21:38

That’s so icky OP. I’d ask him if he’s bringing a fishnet stocking for his ballsack? Grim.

TooOrangey · 02/07/2026 21:37

Is he very old? I can’t imagine someone middle aged or younger thinking stockings and suspenders are something a woman would want to wear. It seems terribly 1970s.

Backawayfromthesausage · 02/07/2026 21:35

Is he middle aged?

MaybeThisTimeILlbeLucky · 02/07/2026 21:35

*he said it looked victorian

MaybeThisTimeILlbeLucky · 02/07/2026 21:35

vichill · 02/07/2026 21:32

ick activated and I’d purposefully turn up in a floor length Victorian nightie

Me too .
Incidentslly I had a sort of sillmeer white kaftan once I wore as a night dress from a great shop in portabello and my bf at the time absolutly loved it

vichill · 02/07/2026 21:35

many say their man reciprocates in other ways…but do they? Explain how men ever demean themselves with porn props? Or is it buying things?

Flatinbed · 02/07/2026 21:34

I can't see the problem. Quite a few men like lingerie. I can think of worse sexual kicks to be honest.

If he is a new boyfriend, this is his way of letting you know. If it's not your thing, tell him.

Pancakeflipper · 02/07/2026 21:34

It's a bit grim but if you do dress in nice lingerie and stockings, he's probably just using the wrong phrase. I would put it out of your mind and get packing your outfits (not the Furries)

Yogafiend · 02/07/2026 21:34

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 02/07/2026 21:29

I’m another one who thought this would be about roast dinner! How old is he? Stockings and suspenders are a bit…retro?

Really? As in women don’t wear stockings or garter belts anymore? They still must as they still sell them.

Sausagedog101 · 02/07/2026 21:33

I pressed “you are being unreasonable” by mistake. You are definitely not!!! Yuck!

Hopefulsalmon · 02/07/2026 21:32

I really don't like that phrase applied to roast dinners, never mind choice of underwear 🤮

vichill · 02/07/2026 21:32

ick activated and I’d purposefully turn up in a floor length Victorian nightie

Pieandchips999 · 02/07/2026 21:32

God my first reaction was vom. My second was he got that from porn and the third was does know the difference between a romantic getaway and hiring a sex worker? This is a dumping offence!

Yogafiend · 02/07/2026 21:31

Probably against the grain… but it wouldn’t bother me. Because when I go away with my husband I do tend to pack nicer stuff and make more of an effort. But I do feel it’s reciprocated. He makes an effort for me to (in different ways) so I would say it depends on the relationship!

edited to say - but my husband wouldn’t have called it trimmings or ask for it.

Original poster
Penelopefly · 02/07/2026 21:30

The roast dinner references were what first came to mind too. Yuk

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 02/07/2026 21:29

I would read this as unrealistic and misogynistic expectations of women as a result of porn use.

It'd give me the ick

Swipe left for the next trending thread