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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to cancel a first date over his venue choice?

117 replies

TheLobsterClub · 02/07/2026 20:43

I think I’m going to cancel.

Meant to meet someone for the first time tomorrow, been talking for ages online but I’m not sure if there’s much of a spark so far. He wanted to meet in a soulless Costa coffee on the edge of town, which I’d never go in at the best of times. I suggested we meet in the town centre which is full of cute little independent coffee shops, bars, etc.

His response was that his ex wife works in the town and it would be awkward if he was seen on a date. I mean a few of my exes work in the town (it’s a small town after all) but the key differences are a) they’ll be at work during the day and b) I actually don’t care

It sounds to me like we can never go out in my home town? I feel like cancelling to be honest.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 03/07/2026 10:05

Miranda65 · 03/07/2026 10:02

McDonald's has better coffee than Costa!

Show quote history

Haha I was nearly gonna say that. In terms of price McDs coffee is about the same quality but much cheaper! More atmosphere too? Costa is really quite depressing isn't it?

Miranda65 · 03/07/2026 10:02

BillieWiper · 03/07/2026 09:53

Yeah that's ridiculous. Tell him you're not looking for a partner who is too scared to go out with women in the town we both live in in case he bumps into his 'ex'. What does he think she'd do? More like he's still married.

And yeah..suggesting Costa of all places isn't a great start at the best of times. It's literally one grade above McDonald's? In fact McDonald's has better food.

McDonald's has better coffee than Costa!

Miranda65 · 03/07/2026 10:01

Coffee shop should be a lovely choice, but any man who thinks Costa coffee is in any way drinkable is not a man I would want to spend time with!

gannett · 03/07/2026 09:59

A retail park Costa is uninspiring but fine for a first date where you're just getting to know each other. Sometimes that means you can actually concentrate on the other person rather than getting distracted by the nice environment.

The anxiety over his ex seeing him on dates doesn't bode well for the future - OP is right, does that mean they can never go out in town? - and is a level of drama that I could not be bothered with at all.

Summervibes83 · 03/07/2026 09:54

I do think a lot of people now do pre-dates at a place like this, to see if there is any kind of spark before doing an actual date. BUT I agree his fixation on the ex (or not) wife is concerning.

BillieWiper · 03/07/2026 09:53

Yeah that's ridiculous. Tell him you're not looking for a partner who is too scared to go out with women in the town we both live in in case he bumps into his 'ex'. What does he think she'd do? More like he's still married.

And yeah..suggesting Costa of all places isn't a great start at the best of times. It's literally one grade above McDonald's? In fact McDonald's has better food.

gotmyselfintoapickle · 03/07/2026 09:53

BrickProblems · 02/07/2026 20:46

I think he means his current wife works in town 😂

Cancel! Do something more fun like clear out the fridge.

Good idea! I love a freshly cleared out fridge ❤️

nam3c4ang3 · 03/07/2026 09:51

FFS - youre overthinking this - youve already made your mind up - cancel the date and move on.

AlwaysExtraHot · 03/07/2026 09:50

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 09:48

@AlwaysExtraHot large-ish market town in the North East of England - a lot of the place is a complete dump and full of vape shops, barbers, etc. like the rest of the country but there is an area of the town centre that's been invested in and has some lovely independent shops, cafes, etc. It's probably to do with moving some government bods up here from that there London!

Sounds so nice! Yes, it's funny what the London effect can be.

Paramaribo2025 · 03/07/2026 09:49

Cancel it.

Original poster
TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 09:48

@AlwaysExtraHot large-ish market town in the North East of England - a lot of the place is a complete dump and full of vape shops, barbers, etc. like the rest of the country but there is an area of the town centre that's been invested in and has some lovely independent shops, cafes, etc. It's probably to do with moving some government bods up here from that there London!

OP posts:
Lotsofsnacks · 03/07/2026 09:48

Id go to Costa on the premise you might not want to be seen with him! Online dating can be tricky and they can be quite different in the flesh, I know from personal experience. As you think there’s no chemistry anyway I’d agree to Costa, suss him out, and see if you want another date and to go somewhere nicer then.

a coffee is a great first date as you can easily get the hell out of there if it’s not going well, and you’re not stuck with a 3 course meal:)

on the first date I’d be digging deeper re: ex wife, sounds like this might be an issue if u do like him

SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2026 09:48

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 09:08

Thanks everyone - confirming to me I think that I'm not being too hasty!

If they are married still then she doesn't appear on his Facebook anywhere, but I'm not exactly sure how recent the split was and I don't think I want to be tiptoeing around for anyone. His excuse was that 'she might pop out on her lunch break and see us' - except we hadn't even agreed a time to meet!

The Costa thing... I don't drink coffee when I'm out regardless but it wouldn't have been so bad if he wanted to meet in the town centre one... I don't really fancy a first date in a soulless retail park!

I would always advocate women meet somewhere they're familiar with, is busy and you can get help if you need it. An out of town e retail park would smarts be a no

SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2026 09:45

GoodGuessButNotRight · 02/07/2026 23:29

Oh god, yes cancel @TheLobsterClub . Costa, for heaven’s sake!

I met DH in Starbucks 14 years ago. Married with 3 kids and going strong. It's just a choice shop fgs

SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2026 09:40

SaraHoliday · 02/07/2026 21:00

How long is 'ages'? I'm not sure why you would meet someone that you're unsure if there's a spark with? I would think the spark is there or not at this point?

I can understand him asking to meet out of town though. He feels comfortable there under the circumstances he's explained. I don't see the problem on that.

Show quote history

It's hardctk know if there's actually a spark when you're just messaging tho, even on the phone. Getting a physical meeting in early will tel you quickly one way or the other

AlwaysExtraHot · 03/07/2026 09:39

Costa is shite at the best of times and a retail park one just adds insult to injury.
Your town centre sounds nice though; out of interest can you say where you are?

SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2026 09:38

I wouldn't cancel over a Costa.

I would cancel over the fact he's awkward about his EX knowing he's dating

Alarm bells and red flags aplenty there

DeftGoldHedgehog · 03/07/2026 09:38

Coffee sounds a good idea for a first date. Much easier to cut it short if it doesn't work out.

PinkEasterbunny · 03/07/2026 09:35

CarbonArtist · 03/07/2026 09:34

Definitely cancel, dates are supposed to feel a bit special and exciting. Why meet someone at a venue you wouldn’t even consider nice enough for day to day life.

Also, he is probably married and that’s why he doesn’t want to be seen with you.

Absolutely this

CarbonArtist · 03/07/2026 09:34

Definitely cancel, dates are supposed to feel a bit special and exciting. Why meet someone at a venue you wouldn’t even consider nice enough for day to day life.

Also, he is probably married and that’s why he doesn’t want to be seen with you.

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 03/07/2026 09:34

BrickProblems · 02/07/2026 20:46

I think he means his current wife works in town 😂

Cancel! Do something more fun like clear out the fridge.

I agree! She's not his ex.

Loulou4022 · 03/07/2026 09:33

I can’t help wondering if she is still actually his wife not his ex?

LivingTheDreamish · 03/07/2026 09:31

Either she’s not an ex or he’s not over her.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 03/07/2026 09:22

It’s not his ex- still married

Silverbirchleaf · 03/07/2026 09:18

dudsville · 02/07/2026 21:01

I would theoretically be OK with Costa as a first meet up. They're cheap and non committal, easy to walk away from. But I would decline because of his reason for choosing it, and given there are better café options just makes that 10x worse.

I agree. Costa, although not exciting, is pretty neutral, not exciting but safe. However, avoiding the town centre ‘just in case’ you bump into ex is the reason. What’s the chances of that happening?