AIBU to cancel a first date over his venue choice?

TheLobsterClub · 2026-07-02T19:43:45+00:00

I think I’m going to cancel. Meant to meet someone for the first time tomorrow, been talking for ages online but I’m not sure if there’s much of a spark so far. He wanted to meet in a soulless Costa coffee on the edge of town, which I’d never go in at the best of times. I suggested we meet in the town centre which is full of cute little independent coffee shops, bars, etc. His response was that his ex wife works in the town and it would be awkward if he was seen on a date. I mean a few of my exes work in the town (it’s a small town after all) but the key differences are a) they’ll be at work during the day and b) I actually don’t care It sounds to me like we can never go out in my home town? I feel like cancelling to be honest.

JustAnotherWhinger · 20/07/2026 13:18

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 15:01

There’s either a lot more to this story or he’s being dramatic for no reason. Apparently the woman and this man ruined his family and if there’s even a 1% chance he might bump into them that would make him uncomfortable. My ex (not the one I’ve mentioned already) still lives in the town and although I suffered years of abuse at his hands I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking I had to stay away from places in case he happened to be there (and I’ve managed not to bump into him for five years!)

Oh I’m sure if he’s that uncomfortable on a first date he’ll be magically better on a second or third…

no chance he’ll expect you to stick to the retail park forever… no siree…

Musicaltheatremum · 20/07/2026 08:40

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 09:48

@AlwaysExtraHot large-ish market town in the North East of England - a lot of the place is a complete dump and full of vape shops, barbers, etc. like the rest of the country but there is an area of the town centre that's been invested in and has some lovely independent shops, cafes, etc. It's probably to do with moving some government bods up here from that there London!

Sounds like bishop Auckland

chirrupybird · 20/07/2026 06:00

TheLobsterClub · 02/07/2026 20:45

Just said it would be awkward. I serve my ex in my work every Saturday while he pretends he’s never met me before, I give absolutely zero fucks

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Sounds like it's not over with the ex, do they have kids?

category12 · 20/07/2026 05:57

If what he's saying is true, it's still a no from me.

He's far too concerned about what an ex thinks and is far from over their break-up. He shouldn't be dating yet.

He'll probably cry into his frappucino about his betrayal.

Nope!

maxslice · 03/07/2026 20:58

Maybe his ex isn’t as “ex” as he says.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 03/07/2026 20:12

Bitzee · 02/07/2026 20:45

Yup red flags all over the place if he’ll only meet you out of town where no one can see. In that scenario best case she’s an utter psycho and worst case she’s not his ex at all and they’re very much together… no thanks…

Yep - she's not his ex, she's his wife/ partner and has no idea he's on dating sites...

ElizaJ74 · 03/07/2026 20:09

He's still married OP
Throw it back

ItsLOSELikeLostNotLOOSELikeBaggy · 03/07/2026 20:09

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:24

@Fedupcreative86 he's from your neck of the woods - the ex apparently only works in D... both live in M...

Hi from a fellow NE Neighbour. He sounds a bit mad. Chuck him back.

BilgeVole · 03/07/2026 17:32

His “ex” wife.

Yes, of course. “Ex”.

Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 17:26

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:24

@Fedupcreative86 he's from your neck of the woods - the ex apparently only works in D... both live in M...

Ah. Not who I was thinking of 🤣 sorry to bother you! It is a small place though!

Original poster

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:24

@Fedupcreative86 he's from your neck of the woods - the ex apparently only works in D... both live in M...

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Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 17:19

Sorry posted too soon. Oddly enough I knew a guy in "D" who used to moan about an ex who left for another bloke (just an acquaintance, not dating haha). Don't know if they were married though.

moose17 · 03/07/2026 17:17

Meeting at Costa wouldn’t be the problem, him still being with his girlfriend/Wife would though.

Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 17:14

F

FFSItsTooHot · 03/07/2026 17:13

I would be suspicious if a man didn't want to be seen by his 'ex' with a woman.

Original poster

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 17:06

@Fedupcreative86 I did now! 😅I worked in M for the last few years, RPH next to JCUH - I don't know why we're talking in riddles as it's all easy to work out should anyone even care...

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Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 16:59

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 16:55

Gateway to the Tees Valley apparently 😅although would never say it was Teesside - I'm a Co Durham girl all the way!

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Sorry hope you saw my edit!

Original poster

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 16:55

Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 16:53

Ah does it begin with a "D" by any chance? Agree shithole but yes has some lovely indie cafes/pubs (im from a nearby even bigger shithole beginning with "M" but lived in "D" for 5 years until moved to Liverpool last year. SO many strange men in this neck of the woods, so be careful 🤣

Edited

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Gateway to the Tees Valley apparently 😅although would never say it was Teesside - I'm a Co Durham girl all the way!

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Fedupcreative86 · 03/07/2026 16:53

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 09:48

@AlwaysExtraHot large-ish market town in the North East of England - a lot of the place is a complete dump and full of vape shops, barbers, etc. like the rest of the country but there is an area of the town centre that's been invested in and has some lovely independent shops, cafes, etc. It's probably to do with moving some government bods up here from that there London!

Ah does it begin with a "D" by any chance? Agree shithole but yes has some lovely indie cafes/pubs (im from a nearby even bigger shithole beginning with "M" but lived in "D" for 5 years until moved to Liverpool last year. SO many strange men in this neck of the woods, so be careful 🤣

nochance17 · 03/07/2026 15:50

Probably his wife not his ex wife . Wanting to go to out of the way places and avoid people is a red flag. If she’s his ex wife why would she care ? Ditch

Bathtoomtile · 03/07/2026 15:45

She’s not his ex wife.

Genevieva · 03/07/2026 15:40

He is either scarred or duplicitous. Either way, he is not a suitable date.

SweetnsourNZ · 03/07/2026 15:35

Bitzee · 02/07/2026 20:45

Yup red flags all over the place if he’ll only meet you out of town where no one can see. In that scenario best case she’s an utter psycho and worst case she’s not his ex at all and they’re very much together… no thanks…

Yeah, I think he's married.

80smonster · 03/07/2026 15:33

Could well be awkward because… he is in fact still married. Like half the men chancing their arms on dating apps.

Original poster

TheLobsterClub · 03/07/2026 15:01

There’s either a lot more to this story or he’s being dramatic for no reason. Apparently the woman and this man ruined his family and if there’s even a 1% chance he might bump into them that would make him uncomfortable. My ex (not the one I’ve mentioned already) still lives in the town and although I suffered years of abuse at his hands I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking I had to stay away from places in case he happened to be there (and I’ve managed not to bump into him for five years!)

OP posts: