I’ve been co-parenting with my ex for over five years (although “co-parenting” feels like a generous description). I do about 90% of everything: childcare, school admin, appointments, activities, birthday parties, forms, uniforms, the mental load…you name it. He pays a token amount of CMS that hasn’t increased in five years, so I’m now going through CMS properly to make sure I’m receiving what I’m actually entitled to.
We have a shared calendar, but it only seems to work one way. If he puts that he’s busy, I have to accept he won’t be seeing our daughter that weekend. If I book something in weeks or months in advance, it somehow doesn’t count. He’ll make plans anyway and then tell me I should have checked with him first.
It’s become noticeably worse since he started seeing someone about nine months ago. He’ll agree to have our daughter and then, a few days later, suddenly can’t anymore. I strongly suspect that’s after speaking to his girlfriend. It’s incredibly frustrating, but more importantly it affects our daughter, who deserves consistency.
He seems to expect me to be the default parent, do all the day-to-day parenting, and then fit around whatever suits him. Today was the final straw. I’d booked next weekend out over a month ago because I need to work, and he announced he couldn’t do it after all.
I completely lost my temper. Five years of resentment came pouring out.
Did he take any responsibility? No.
Did he apologise? No.
Did he offer to change his own plans? No.
Instead, the expectation was that I’d rearrange my life yet again.
Part of me feels guilty for losing it, but another part of me thinks it was inevitable after years of this.
Am I being unreasonable to expect a father to honour the time he’s agreed to have his child, rather than treating it as optional? And for those who’ve dated or remarried, is it unreasonable to expect a new partner to understand that children come first and that parenting commitments aren’t something you cancel because you’d rather spend the weekend together? I can’t deal with the chaos anymore!
Ai