AIBU to resent my unemployed brother still living off our parents?

It’s what your parents want, not a lot you can do about it.

I feel for your brother, your parents have failed him :(

They have enabled/entrapped him.

But it’s not your job to fix it. If you want to tell them how you feel, if you think it will help, then do… but overall, your energy is best directed towards yourself and your children.

Families are weird. Live your life for you, and your own children x

Would you rather he was homeless on the streets?
If he's being enabled by your parents as you see it then there's not much you can do about it.
If you were having a hard time wouldn't you want them to support you? Or do you feel it's very one sided and you didn't get enough support from them?

I don't really think his life getting much more difficult will make yours much easier or more pleasant?

My sister is 50 and still lives with and off our mum. Had 3 kids too but never worked. No reason for it. She’s now inherited our mum’s house and me nothing because she’s a lazy entitled fucker that thinks the world and everything is hers to have without doing sweet fa. Me, worked full-time for 30 years, I’m younger than my sister, still have 15 years worth of mortgage to pay but get told ‘well you wouldn’t want your sister’s life’ as if that makes everything okay.

I understand your resentment @Frustratedsister but it’s not your brother that’s the problem (I always thought it was my sister), it’s your parents that are the problem (they make excuses for him). If they own their house it will go to him one day - mark my words!

I’m in the same boat, so no useful advice. Except stop doing anything to help them all, it’ll never be appreciated and you’ll not be thanked. Pass everything to your brother to do if they need help. Up to him whether he does it. Stand-back and leave them to it. That’s my one regret now I’ve been shafted out of my inheritance.

They quite possibly are enablers, but ultimately they're allowed to be. My focus in your shoes would be on ensuring they don't recruit you to take over.

I think there is stuff you are not aware of 27 still lives with parents, no life, no friends, no job,never leaves the house thats actually really sad what an awful way to live. If he was out with friends every weekend and just sponging of your parents my opinion would be different but that is not what you describe

It’s not a life is it. And the years will drift by until suddenly he’s in his 40s. Your parents aren’t doing him any favours

It shows one persons experience. It can vary a lot and for some it can be much worse.

You can speak to your parents, but ultimately their relationship with their son is their business and you may be told to keep out.

I know someone who has an adult child with crohns and it’s very bad for him. He has days he feels ok, but other days it’s very bad. I know if one of her other kids went moaning to her about how much she helps him, she’d tell them to mind their business.

My son has crohns disease. He has lived with it for over 16 years. He works full time and looks after himself. Has his own place.
Your parents are the ones that need to sort this.

Im surprised youd rather say to your parents than brother. Mines 36 and exactly same scenario minus the health condition. I always tell him he needs to stop free loading and work if he ever wants to meet anyone. Ive also said to my parents theyre enabling him and they are, but theyre also guilt tripped

As always with these sort of threads (of which there are many), it's up to your parents to decide whether they want to continue to enable him.

As for your question about his crohns disease, we don't know if he's capable of working part-time.

But if your parents are happy, I guess it doesn't matter.

I think you resent your parents as much as your brother. They’re the ones enabling his life of dossing. He’s unlikely to change, they’re unlikely to make him. I’d try and detach from all of them, emotionally if not physically, or you’ll end up increasingly bitter and angry. My friend’s in the same position with her system, now in their 40s. Her sister doesn’t want to work, doesn’t have to work as she’s fully financed by the parents, my friend is the I’ve supporting the parent with disabilities while the sister doesn’t lift a finger. When the parents die my friend is sure they’ll leave the house to the moocher sister. It’s shit. But my friend has a fantastic full life, meaningful work, loads of friends, fun, freedom and purpose. Her sister is sad, lonely and gives nothing to anyone. Most people would rather be the friend, rather be you than your loser brother. But I totally get how you feel.

This is up to your parents to decide if they are happy with this situation. As a parent, you should be encouraging your child to be independent from you, and hopefully one day they will leave home. I would feel I had failed my child if your brother was my mine.

Wait until you have one in his forties still living off them! I feel for you op!