AIBU to resent my unemployed brother still living off our parents?

Sounds very much like a mental health issue. Has he been assessed for ADHD or Autism? The GP might be a good place to start.

Because they're shit stirring to get a rise out of you.

He behaved horribly to dad who had terminal cancer and was so entitled

This literally means that your dad was so entitled.

I pulled right back from my mum and my brother because of her enabling him. He made a financial mess of his life at least three times, then eventually came crawling home. He walked out of 3 jobs while living with mum and dad. He behaved horribly to dad who had terminal cancer and was so entitled

If it’s not been mentioned Failure To Launch is a real mental health condition and yes there is a codependency dynamic but it needs to be looked at holistically with a MH perspective.

No they have no known health issues to you. Come on actually think about it do you honestly think an adult who never leaves the house and has no friends doesn't have some kind of mh issues or ND. No healthy capable person lives like this.

She said why, the age gap

People who don’t go out and have no friends are generally not functioning the same way as the general population.

Most of us wouldn’t want a life like that, and even many people whose parents might be open to supporting them in adulthood choose instead to embark on their own lives, because they want more freedom and choice, and they want to have adventures and do their own thing, and because naturally most people have social needs in adolescence and adulthood that can’t be met by their parents alone.

So I think it’s fair to say people who live this way have some fairly major differences in adaptive functioning. Whether that’s psychological or neurological or what.

Much of the time nobody knows what it is, nothing’s been diagnosed, it’s just a person who’s failed to launch, and a family with no social service or other support to help them understand what the issues are, or what the adult child might be capable of with the right help.

Parents of people in this situation are damned if they do, damned if they don’t, a lot of the time.

Sometimes the parents themselves enjoy feeling needed, and err on the side of not encouraging their adult child to expand their comfort zone. Sometimes they’re scared of what will happen to their child, or what their child might do to them.

It is tough all around. The best you can do is be open to anything your parents might want to share about the situation, and keep running your own life.

He sounds autistic. Why would anyone choose to have no friends, no partner and stay at home all the time unless they can't function in society without great distress. It's very common in the autistic community to live as your brother.
It is not the life he would choose and it's certainly nothing to envy. Unless you are also autistic you really shouldn't compare and judge.
Imagine you had a really successful sibling who looked down on your life.
Your parents are helping a child that needs extra support.

I have an adult son who still lives with me following a major trauma and effectively a breakdown. Very few people know what happened to him and I'm sure lots judge away. I think if I hadn't been here to "catch" him he'd either be on the streets or dead.

I don't love it, mainly because it's no life for him, and I hold some guilt that maybe I didn't support him better at the time, and if I had things would be different for him.

If one of my other children described him as a leech I would be furious. All my children have had my support in different ways when they needed it. Without fail, every time.

This! My 46 year old sister moved out of my mum’s house a couple of years ago…to move into my other sister’s spare room. I thought my mum would finally be able to enjoy her own house but now that sister’s daughter has moved in and has just had a baby. My mum is now providing housing for a third generation of the family! I haven’t lived with my parents since the age of 19.

It sounds like he has some problems if he doesn't go out and has no friends. Your parents are doing what parents do and looking after him, your children are always your children, you can call it enabling but if he can't cope you help.

I have this situation with my 53 year old sister. The whole thing is ridiculous and my parents still treat her as though she’s 15 and that’s how she acts (including tantrums). They now walk on eggshells around her. It’s got gradually worse and worse over the years but when I try to raise it they make up excuses for her behaviour and are in denial there’s anything wrong. I honestly don’t think she’ll cope when anything happens to them but I am not taking over

Crohns is not nice. But what would your brother have done if your parents weren't here? What was his game plan for life, or did he never have one? And what is your parents' game plan for when they are too old to pay for him any longer or too ill to be able to facilitate his life?

What, in short, is the end game here? It might be worth raising this subject with your parents, to make it absolutely plain that you have no intention of taking over where they leave off when they're gone. It might just help them realise that they have to help your brother become more independent.

I've got a set of cousins like this, absolutely baffles me that at 26 and 23 they just 'don't work'... never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life. They don't drive or leave the house.. last time we visited they didn't even come downstairs!
No health issues or reasons not to either.

@Frustratedsisterperhaps your parents are choosing to directly enable your brother to lead this lifestyle on the basis that he hasn't chosen to have Crohn's.
And on the other hand mayybe they consider you had choice about the relationships that have resulted in you having two DC as a single mother (guessing different fathers with the age gap). If you're struggling they may feel you've made your bed etc. so the responsibility is yours and not a situation for them to support..
Not suggesting either scenario is correct or fair.
So much in families isn't.

Has anyone even asked you to help?

You have a parent problem not a brother problem!
They are enabling the behaviour and he is going along for the ride
Just wait until they're really old and need care. He'll claim carers allowances etc and then get control of their finances, home etc. Once they're gone, he'll probably Inherite the pittance of whats left and you'll see nothing...
(Not that I'm talking from experience or anything)

Exactly this. I have a friend from uni who was diagnosed whilst at uni and it wasn’t too bad back then, but it has got a lot worse. She is self employed so it’s easier to manage it but it does impact her work and there are times she can’t work at all or she can only manage to work because she can do so at her own pace as she runs her own business. She says she could never be an employee due to the up and down nature of her illness. She gets very depressed with it too as it’s a painful and difficult condition.

You may not know the full details of it OP. People can be private about certain details of this type of medical condition. I would keep your beak out.

eta. The illness has stopped her from doing lots of things. She doesn’t have much of a social life. Until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes etc.