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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

358 replies

Stilish · 02/07/2026 13:48

One DC is at private school. This is because they have SEN and was really struggling at local comp. This was before the VAT issue. That DC is absolutely flourishing.

Next DC has no SEN and started at the local comp last year. Is not having a great time at all, it’s a really poor school in many ways and this DC has gone from happy and high achieving, to unhappy and failing academically in 12 months.

I want to send this DC to the private school too, where I know they will thrive like their sibling. But with the VAT it will be an incredible stretch for our family and I don’t know what to do. I have one happy child in a good school doing well, and one unhappy child in a crap school not doing well.

I hate Kier Starmer and I hate Rachel Reeves. Their spiteful tax hasn’t punished any of the rich families. But I’ve been homeless and my husband and I have grafted since our teenage years, and it’s bloody punishing us.

What on earth do I do?

YANBU - find a way and send them
YABU - keep one child in the local comp and let them keep failing

OP posts:
VaccineSticker · 03/07/2026 19:36

Bullandbear · 03/07/2026 19:34

100%

You do realise my post was dripping with sarcasm, I hope?

I despise this government with every fibre of my being.

Yep I’m with you x

Zebedee999 · 03/07/2026 19:34

Longtimelurker1980 · 02/07/2026 13:56

I don’t think that removing charitable status benefits for businesses - which is what private schools are - is your problem. Your issue is that your children don’t flourish in mainstream and you can’t afford to send both.

I think I would struggle with the inequity as a parent if you don’t send both. Neither can cope in mainstream. How would you explain it to your second child when older, that you prioritised the other child’s needs?

It is a very tough one for you. In your shoes I would beg steal borrow to send both. I would sacrifice all other luxuries in pursuit of equity.

As a wider discussion, we need to make our state schools suit the needs of all children. Teacher here. We need more money (in terms of budget, not pay), more resources (physical, human) and a more flexible curriculum that allows teachers space to breathe life into learning, rather than motor through massive content leaving many behind.

no one should feel they have to privately educate to get an education.

Labour used the VAT from private schools to pay for 30,000 more teashers for the state sector. Why isn't that enough resources for you?

Bullandbear · 03/07/2026 19:34

VaccineSticker · 03/07/2026 18:54

and the billions that they have raised from vat that they have promised to reinvest in state schools, that’s going really well eh?

They have the audacity to take credit by saying that they are increasing teachers’ pay- only to find out that’s being funded through existing school budgets, so schools have to find savings via sacking TAs …. When you think that things can’t sink to new lows.
I mean wow…

Keep clapping and cheering for this vindictive government.

Edited

100%

You do realise my post was dripping with sarcasm, I hope?

I despise this government with every fibre of my being.

Noras · 03/07/2026 19:32

I would have darling son tutored each evening for key subjects Maths English Science and see how that goes.

Tulipsriver · 03/07/2026 19:31

Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:00

Fees are around £7k a term, so £21k a year. £42k for both children.

Pre VAT, this was £33,600. A huge amount of money still, but we had budgeted we could just about do it or we wouldn’t have sent the first one.

The VAT means we need to find nearly an extra £10k, that is what is taking it from ‘a stretch and we can’t take any days off or foreign holidays but we can do it’ to ‘oh shit.’

It doesn’t affect the rich families though, obvs.

Relatively, you are a rich family. £33,600 is more than many people earn in a year.

I feel sorry for your child that is struggling. It's horrible for her that you sent her sibling without ensuring that you could afford to send both (and if it was already a stretch, you didn't ensure this. One change in circumstance, like redundancy with a gap before work or pay cut, would have meant she couldn't go).

I don't believe private schools should have charitable status. They are businesses and the people who use them are paying for an optional service.

lightreflectingonwater · 03/07/2026 19:27

Have you tried supplementing with tuition before writing them off as failing?

Have you spoken to the school to see what support they can offer?

DadBodAlready · 03/07/2026 19:24

nam3c4ang3 · 02/07/2026 13:57

I mean - I couldn’t send one to and one not - but if you can’t afford it - you can’t afford it. Wasn’t the 20% extra he taxed meant to help state schools? What happened there?

What happened there !!! It all went into the benefits system and the expanded child allowance. Its why so many illegals want to come to the UK for all the freebies they get.

Thindog · 03/07/2026 19:16

You are rich and as such you have choices that are not available to most families. Lucky, lucky you. If you think it is ok for children to be segregated on the basis of wealth then choose to send both to a private school, but please do not complain about paying tax. You are rich.

riceuten · 03/07/2026 19:16

Only you can decide this - I suspect I know the answer you want anyway, and will ignore anyone who offers a rational, reasoned argument why you shouldn’t.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 03/07/2026 19:15

I think I’d move to be closer to a decent state school and send both boys there.

VaccineSticker · 03/07/2026 19:15

If education in this country was so amazing, private schools would not exist as there would be no demand.

And for the ones suggesting moving house to get into a better catchment area, wow great, so it’s okay for the wealthy to take up good state school places via buying into a good postcode and take someone else’s place, but it’s not okay to buy into the private system where they won’t take anyone’s place? I know lots of people who have done this, they rock up in their 4x4 to school and have 2/3 holidays a year, private tutors and all- but that’s all fine according to you because they are in a state school like everyone else.

Levelling down everyone is not the answer. Children in state school classrooms are not all equal. You could easily tell which child comes from a well off home, had enrichment activities outside the school, supportive family who has high expectations of them and who will make time to read and do the homework with them compared to the families who are don’t for various reasons which I’m not going into. In order to close these gaps, state should look into how the private sector runs their day and copy the model. I worked in both sectors and I tell you now, private schools are not those pompous places that some papers want you to believe in.

RumPidgeon · 03/07/2026 19:12

Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:00

Fees are around £7k a term, so £21k a year. £42k for both children.

Pre VAT, this was £33,600. A huge amount of money still, but we had budgeted we could just about do it or we wouldn’t have sent the first one.

The VAT means we need to find nearly an extra £10k, that is what is taking it from ‘a stretch and we can’t take any days off or foreign holidays but we can do it’ to ‘oh shit.’

It doesn’t affect the rich families though, obvs.

What’s with the jealousy?? Hand wringing won’t help you in this situation. I find it extraordinary that you have made no contingency plans for your second child and quite happily palmed him off to a crap school.

As their parents you owe them equal opportunities. Downsize, they can possibly room together. I would move heaven and earth to ensure both my children were equally well educated. If you fail at this then I can envision lots of strife and bitterness for decades to come.

ThatBreezyGoldPoet · 03/07/2026 19:11

This is such a bad faith comment. The reason people send their kids is because the states school are failing. When you find a good state school its over subscribed and the house prices are out of this world. Look at St Albans and Harpenden house prices!. Labour adding VAT to private schools was just politics of envy, not every parent sending their child to private school is loaded. People for go holidays, luxuries, make sacrifices for their kids,etc. Make the state schools good and people will not need private schools. I actually think the government to give tax breaks to parents that send their kids to private schools. That is one less child in the crowded state school. Adding VAT is taxing the parents twice for education since education is already included with our taxes whether you have kids on not which is why I say give a tax break and not add to the burden. And no my kids are not in private education

Sometimessmiling · 03/07/2026 19:06

Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:00

Fees are around £7k a term, so £21k a year. £42k for both children.

Pre VAT, this was £33,600. A huge amount of money still, but we had budgeted we could just about do it or we wouldn’t have sent the first one.

The VAT means we need to find nearly an extra £10k, that is what is taking it from ‘a stretch and we can’t take any days off or foreign holidays but we can do it’ to ‘oh shit.’

It doesn’t affect the rich families though, obvs.

That Vat levy was on the cards for years before they got elected. You have not been following what was about to happen. The schools should never had charitable status. It was ridiculous. Sorry but fees go up every year regardless of vat. You should have had a plan B

VaccineSticker · 03/07/2026 18:54

Bullandbear · 03/07/2026 18:44

Look on the bright side - this Labour government have been busy recruiting the promised new 6,500 state school teachers with the private school VAT revenue.

How’s that going btw?

and the billions that they have raised from vat that they have promised to reinvest in state schools, that’s going really well eh?

They have the audacity to take credit by saying that they are increasing teachers’ pay- only to find out that’s being funded through existing school budgets, so schools have to find savings via sacking TAs …. When you think that things can’t sink to new lows.
I mean wow…

Keep clapping and cheering for this vindictive government.

Letskeepcalm · 03/07/2026 18:53

LeedsLoiner · 02/07/2026 14:02

If you can afford £33,600 a year in school fees you are one of "the rich families"...

That's exactly what I was thinking

Aluna · 03/07/2026 18:53

Gfi. Life’s too short for a shit education. Scour the net for bursaries. Have you considered Christ’s Hospital - means tested, or Cranbrook - state boarding school - you just pay the boarding fees.

WorryWife · 03/07/2026 18:50

OP, I had a similar dilemma, but I just thought it would be so unfair for the second child to have different treatment, so we just send them both to the same school. It’s difficult but it’s worth it and there isn’t the guilt and the thought of what would they say when they grow up and understand that we treated them unequally. Also, when you think about it they spend more time in school than home or holidays or anywhere else, and to me this is money well spent and if it means we can’t so home improvements and holidays because of the fees it’s worth it to us.

So, I would say talk to the school, they may have a way to offer bigger discount on the second fee and send your child there so they can be happy and you can be happy too (albeit poor lol)

Bullandbear · 03/07/2026 18:44

Look on the bright side - this Labour government have been busy recruiting the promised new 6,500 state school teachers with the private school VAT revenue.

How’s that going btw?

Switcher · 03/07/2026 18:43

I'm in same position. I'm not going to bother RTFT as it'll be full of people talking about how VAT on education is somehow "closing a loophole" , "removing a subsidy" or some other bollocks that completely ignores the fact that I'm paying another tax on my post tax income to save the taxpayer 7k in costs I'm not using for the state school place.

ChelseaBagger · 03/07/2026 18:42

Is the private school full, or are they losing numbers? Don't necessarily take the bursaries/scholarships as being set in stone.

Speak to admissions and explain your situation, and maybe tell them that if you really can't have both kids in private, then you're probably going to have to remove existing child....(if you weren't paying any school fees at all then you could afford more extra curricular, music lessons, riding lessons (!) you could afford tutoring and you could afford lovely holidays and activities, which would benefit both children equally)

CoffeeAndWalnut26 · 03/07/2026 18:40

Apply for all scholarship/bursary opportunities, speak to the school about an alternative payment schedule that may be over a longer timescale and end up the same but over more time, see about a private tutor/other professionals that could help write a supporting statement to prove that this child could / will academically be absolutely fantastic in the right conditions which would make the child a more appealing candidate to the school even with current not perfect sounding performance. Where there’s a will, there’s a way! Ask about helping out at the school or helping to do fundraisers for school events. Showing that you are really on their team is something schools usually love- plus the money raised talks! Positive exposure & publicity is always a win for a PS.

CheeryOP · 03/07/2026 18:40

nam3c4ang3 · 02/07/2026 13:57

I mean - I couldn’t send one to and one not - but if you can’t afford it - you can’t afford it. Wasn’t the 20% extra he taxed meant to help state schools? What happened there?

Change doesn't happen immediately.

ProudCat · 03/07/2026 18:35

Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:02

We’ll get 10% but it’s still the extra 20% that’s changed things as I’d already budgeted for the 10% sibling discount.

The bursary pot is already allocated for next year. DC might get a sport scholarship but it’s only 4%. We will try though.

Sorry, I'm confused, if the fees are £21k per year, and you get 10% discount for the second child, how can the total fees be £42k a year. Surely they would be £39,900???

20% of £39,900 is £7,980. While this is not an inconsiderable sum, it's not the amount you state.

Charitable status was removed because private schools don't operate like charities. Nothing to do with being vindictive, everything to do with us having laws around what is and isn't a charity. Perhaps if more private schools operated like charities rather than businesses, it wouldn't be a problem.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 03/07/2026 18:24

Why do you think you and your family deserve special treatment? What about those who can't afford private school fees at all, what should they do?