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AIBU?

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Original poster

To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

358 replies

Stilish · 02/07/2026 13:48

One DC is at private school. This is because they have SEN and was really struggling at local comp. This was before the VAT issue. That DC is absolutely flourishing.

Next DC has no SEN and started at the local comp last year. Is not having a great time at all, it’s a really poor school in many ways and this DC has gone from happy and high achieving, to unhappy and failing academically in 12 months.

I want to send this DC to the private school too, where I know they will thrive like their sibling. But with the VAT it will be an incredible stretch for our family and I don’t know what to do. I have one happy child in a good school doing well, and one unhappy child in a crap school not doing well.

I hate Kier Starmer and I hate Rachel Reeves. Their spiteful tax hasn’t punished any of the rich families. But I’ve been homeless and my husband and I have grafted since our teenage years, and it’s bloody punishing us.

What on earth do I do?

YANBU - find a way and send them
YABU - keep one child in the local comp and let them keep failing

OP posts:
riceuten · 04/07/2026 10:10

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/07/2026 19:46

YABU about your comments re the tax. It’s not a “spiteful tax” it’s the removal of an unfair tax break that was harming the education system as a whole.

That said, YANBU to “skint” the family by sending them both. Sounds like it’s what you gotta do.

Can you find the money elsewhere like extending your mortgage term?

Edited

And the savings generated are being invested in additional teachers - how awful

Shareadog · 04/07/2026 09:54

Get over yourself. You can afford £33k a year, you are rich. Stop being disingenuous and painting yourselves as some kind of needy beneficiaries of everyone else’s money. You can’t afford it, like 95% of parents. Tough. People like you make me feel sick

Hankunamatata · 04/07/2026 09:43

Have you looked at other state schools?

FlipFlopVibe · 04/07/2026 09:41

Mumwithbaggage · 02/07/2026 16:57

If the house is tied to your husband's job, does that mean you don't currently own a property or pay market price rent? If so, surely it's very risky to plough all of your money into private schooling in case his job circumstances change.

We were very lucky (well, we made sure we lived in an area with schools we knew would suit our children) with secondary state schools but I know that isn't the case everywhere.

This! I was just thinking who owns no property but spends a third of their income on private school fees! Come retirement, you’ll have no home and no savings and your kids might be educated but if they struggle to find employment straight out of college/uni, you won’t be able to support them so this will have been for nothing.

This is the point where we find out OP owns several rental properties. We probably already have as I haven’t RTFT

38thparallel · 04/07/2026 09:19

But it doesn't change my experience of those I've I'm afraid. I worked in education and also knew my fair share.
@Letskeepcalm

Were you a teacher and these up-their-own-arse privately educated your colleagues?
Did every single one of them tell you they were privately educated?
Where I worked I don’t think anyone discussed their education.

Letskeepcalm · 04/07/2026 08:32

*of those I've known

Letskeepcalm · 04/07/2026 08:31

StrictlyCoffee · 04/07/2026 08:27

I think that’s a bit of a generalisation. I’m a lawyer so have come across A LOT of private school educated people throughout my education and career. Sure some are wankers but plenty aren’t. Same as life generally.

Show quote history

Yes, i agree.
But it doesn't change my experience of those I've I'm afraid. I worked in education and also knew my fair share

StrictlyCoffee · 04/07/2026 08:27

Letskeepcalm · 04/07/2026 07:14

Everyone i know who went to private school is up their own arse. They really are.

I think that’s a bit of a generalisation. I’m a lawyer so have come across A LOT of private school educated people throughout my education and career. Sure some are wankers but plenty aren’t. Same as life generally.

Fiddlesticks1 · 04/07/2026 08:11

Letskeepcalm · 04/07/2026 07:14

Everyone i know who went to private school is up their own arse. They really are.

Must mix with the wrong crowd. My two girls are certainly not like that and love to be on the terrace with their Dad supporting their football team.

dancehysterical22 · 04/07/2026 07:34

Visiblyabove25 · 02/07/2026 20:14

Are you really sure 60 percent of private schools are SEND schools? And aren’t most places at private SEND schools predominantly state-funded via Local Authority EHCPs? I think there’s absolutely a discussion to be had about how SEND kids are given the best possible educational chances, but I really don’t see VAT exemption for private schools as the answer.

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I didn’t think that was true, either.

dancehysterical22 · 04/07/2026 07:32

Jellylasagnafortwo · 02/07/2026 19:45

Is ‘To skint us all ’ a regional thing?

Wondered that, too. I’m from Glasgow and to say ‘you’re skint’ means you have no money. I guess the verb would be to ‘skin’ so perhaps thats what OP meant.

Letskeepcalm · 04/07/2026 07:14

Everyone i know who went to private school is up their own arse. They really are.

MorriseysMother · 04/07/2026 06:55

Ask the school if there is any reduction of fees available. We were in the same boat, DD was in and thriving and DS is 8 years younger so we could do one in one out. However DS didnt

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 04/07/2026 04:35

Private education is for wealthy people and you aren't wealthy. If it truly was a charity it would be free, or totally means tested.

Miaminmoo · 04/07/2026 03:55

I feel your pain but my DH was sent to the local comprehensive and his big brother was sent to private school - he’s 50 years old and he has never forgiven his parents for not treating them the same. This is despite him being successful in his life. If it is within reach to send both then you should, even more so if the one in the local school is having a terrible time. I will never understand not keeping children the same.

Lampzade · 04/07/2026 03:13

The truth is Op you cannot afford to have even one child in private school
Both you and your husband take home 50k each which is a great wage and you have a side business . The issue is that if anything goes wrong with your job your dc would have to leave the school
I know people who earn £100k+ who wouldn’t dream of going private
I don’t have a particular problem with private schools per se . However, I have just seen too many people who simply don’t earn enough put their dc in private school making so many sacrifices
My brother in law and his wife have four children . They placed the first child in private school . They could just about manage the fees . They then sent the second one to private school two years later. Brother in law lost his well paid job ( 150k ) and they had to remove both children from the private school .
Even if he hadn’t lost his job he would be unable to pay for the remaining two kids .
People need to apply wisdom

Lampzade · 04/07/2026 02:51

WallaceinAnderland · 02/07/2026 15:13

Either both or neither. Otherwise you risk massive future resentment.

This
I am so relieved that my three older dc are no longer at school.

number1of7 · 04/07/2026 00:59

Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:00

Fees are around £7k a term, so £21k a year. £42k for both children.

Pre VAT, this was £33,600. A huge amount of money still, but we had budgeted we could just about do it or we wouldn’t have sent the first one.

The VAT means we need to find nearly an extra £10k, that is what is taking it from ‘a stretch and we can’t take any days off or foreign holidays but we can do it’ to ‘oh shit.’

It doesn’t affect the rich families though, obvs.

Show quote history

same OP. My number 4 is going state in September as I just can’t afford the VAT rises. Pre Covid we were paying £15k a year. Now including the VAT it is £22k. It’s literally impossible to earn enough out of salary to pay it for unless you are on super high salaries. I earn £150k a year and we used to be able to do it by budgeting. Impossible now as col has risen so much and tax thresholds frozen.

mylifeisexams · 04/07/2026 00:16

Dexterrr · 02/07/2026 14:44

This is nonsense. Parents who send their kids to private school have no more hope than anyone else on 'influencing' their local school to 'do better'. It's laughable when people say this .

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Totally agree with this. What do you expect these parents to do? There’s no magic bullet here.

ItsGettingHotInHerre · 03/07/2026 23:52

FlimFlamFlomFlemFlum · 03/07/2026 22:39

And now some of them can’t afford it. Same as I used to be able to afford to go on holiday but since Council Tax and water and energy bill rises , I can’t afford it. Water and energy bill rises don’t hurt rich people who don’t have to worry, so it’s for the rest of us.

Honestly, the elitism in this thread. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Welcome to the life as the rest of us experience. It’s shit, you’ll hate it.

Now maybe some of you lot will want to change the system. But probably only for yourselves

Edited
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Exactly. Where were those people standing up for equality of education whilst their children were at the private schools they could afford at the time. People only start thinking things are unfair when it affects them but not the 93% of people who've always been in the 'can't afford it's category.

ForeverTheOptomist · 03/07/2026 23:51

It's a tricky one OP. I have twins and it was never easy, as one had extensive SEN needs, and the other in the top 5% for achievement. I insisted along the way, right or wrong, that they have the same education, and took them out of the private sector (the high achiever wasn't happy, but ended up with qualifications coming out of her ears and now works in one of the most highly respected establishments in the country. And the other one is doing incredibly well). I was lucky that it worked for each of them, and they ended up at one of the top state schools in the Times list. It didn't work for my son, who slipped into mayhem in the first year there. I was lucky enough to get him into a wonderful and caring private boarding school. It wasn't easy financially, but I got a 40% reduction in his fees as a single mother. He fought me tooth and nail at the time, but still maintains that it was the best thing I ever did for him.

It was a struggle, but if you think that that's going to help your children and you can find a way to finance it then I can only recommend that you send your child somewhere that is going to nurture them.

it's a hard decision, especially given the stupid tax situation. I hope that this has helped. I guess that the thing is that it isn't forever.

caringcarer · 03/07/2026 23:37

The VAT added on independent schools was a spite tax supposedly to pay for more teachers in state schools. There are now less teachers in state schools than before the VAT put on independent schools.

ForeverTheOptomist · 03/07/2026 23:36

Unbelievable @Pollyanna87 . Who on earth do you think you are?

38thparallel · 03/07/2026 23:17

@Newyearawaits
Charitable status was removed because private schools don't operate like charities.

Charitable status hasn’t been removed.
What made you think it had been?

Frillysweetpea · 03/07/2026 23:13

Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:00

Fees are around £7k a term, so £21k a year. £42k for both children.

Pre VAT, this was £33,600. A huge amount of money still, but we had budgeted we could just about do it or we wouldn’t have sent the first one.

The VAT means we need to find nearly an extra £10k, that is what is taking it from ‘a stretch and we can’t take any days off or foreign holidays but we can do it’ to ‘oh shit.’

It doesn’t affect the rich families though, obvs.

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Jesus....being able to even contemplate spending £21K a year on one child makes you rich in my book. Maybe be a bit more thoughtful when expressing yourself to the wide audience that is Mumsnet.