Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

358 replies

Stilish · 02/07/2026 13:48

One DC is at private school. This is because they have SEN and was really struggling at local comp. This was before the VAT issue. That DC is absolutely flourishing.

Next DC has no SEN and started at the local comp last year. Is not having a great time at all, it’s a really poor school in many ways and this DC has gone from happy and high achieving, to unhappy and failing academically in 12 months.

I want to send this DC to the private school too, where I know they will thrive like their sibling. But with the VAT it will be an incredible stretch for our family and I don’t know what to do. I have one happy child in a good school doing well, and one unhappy child in a crap school not doing well.

I hate Kier Starmer and I hate Rachel Reeves. Their spiteful tax hasn’t punished any of the rich families. But I’ve been homeless and my husband and I have grafted since our teenage years, and it’s bloody punishing us.

What on earth do I do?

YANBU - find a way and send them
YABU - keep one child in the local comp and let them keep failing

OP posts:
Original poster
Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:02

Ineedanewsofa · 02/07/2026 13:59

DC’s school offers quite a generous sibling discount, anything like that available? Always worth applying for any bursaries as well, the academic ones can be quite hard to get but any sporting or musical talent might qualify.

We’ll get 10% but it’s still the extra 20% that’s changed things as I’d already budgeted for the 10% sibling discount.

The bursary pot is already allocated for next year. DC might get a sport scholarship but it’s only 4%. We will try though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stilish · 02/07/2026 14:00

Longtimelurker1980 · 02/07/2026 13:56

I don’t think that removing charitable status benefits for businesses - which is what private schools are - is your problem. Your issue is that your children don’t flourish in mainstream and you can’t afford to send both.

I think I would struggle with the inequity as a parent if you don’t send both. Neither can cope in mainstream. How would you explain it to your second child when older, that you prioritised the other child’s needs?

It is a very tough one for you. In your shoes I would beg steal borrow to send both. I would sacrifice all other luxuries in pursuit of equity.

As a wider discussion, we need to make our state schools suit the needs of all children. Teacher here. We need more money (in terms of budget, not pay), more resources (physical, human) and a more flexible curriculum that allows teachers space to breathe life into learning, rather than motor through massive content leaving many behind.

no one should feel they have to privately educate to get an education.

Fees are around £7k a term, so £21k a year. £42k for both children.

Pre VAT, this was £33,600. A huge amount of money still, but we had budgeted we could just about do it or we wouldn’t have sent the first one.

The VAT means we need to find nearly an extra £10k, that is what is taking it from ‘a stretch and we can’t take any days off or foreign holidays but we can do it’ to ‘oh shit.’

It doesn’t affect the rich families though, obvs.

OP posts:
WhatNextImScared · 02/07/2026 13:59

nam3c4ang3 · 02/07/2026 13:57

I mean - I couldn’t send one to and one not - but if you can’t afford it - you can’t afford it. Wasn’t the 20% extra he taxed meant to help state schools? What happened there?

It’s only been in place since Jan. Were you expecting it to have massively changed state education in sixth months? It’s a helpful sum but don’t forget not that many children in the country actually attend private school in the first place

Ineedanewsofa · 02/07/2026 13:59

DC’s school offers quite a generous sibling discount, anything like that available? Always worth applying for any bursaries as well, the academic ones can be quite hard to get but any sporting or musical talent might qualify.

nam3c4ang3 · 02/07/2026 13:57

I mean - I couldn’t send one to and one not - but if you can’t afford it - you can’t afford it. Wasn’t the 20% extra he taxed meant to help state schools? What happened there?

WhatNextImScared · 02/07/2026 13:56

Educating two children differently does leave a lifelong legacy and can cause family rifts. It’s why so many people oppose the grammar system. But only you know if you can actually afford it. There’s no point losing your home. What does the school say about your son?

Longtimelurker1980 · 02/07/2026 13:56

I don’t think that removing charitable status benefits for businesses - which is what private schools are - is your problem. Your issue is that your children don’t flourish in mainstream and you can’t afford to send both.

I think I would struggle with the inequity as a parent if you don’t send both. Neither can cope in mainstream. How would you explain it to your second child when older, that you prioritised the other child’s needs?

It is a very tough one for you. In your shoes I would beg steal borrow to send both. I would sacrifice all other luxuries in pursuit of equity.

As a wider discussion, we need to make our state schools suit the needs of all children. Teacher here. We need more money (in terms of budget, not pay), more resources (physical, human) and a more flexible curriculum that allows teachers space to breathe life into learning, rather than motor through massive content leaving many behind.

no one should feel they have to privately educate to get an education.

HeyThereDelila · 02/07/2026 13:55

How many years would you be paying for both? In your circumstances I’d definitely send both.

Can you afford your mortgage if the rates go up again etc? Worth a few years pain if you can manage it.