To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

Academically able children without SEN can absolutely thrive and do well even in the shittest of comps. Surely there are better options where you live anyway or are you very rural?

I don’t think making yourself broke is the best solution here. My ILs did this and DH has no idea why, he doesn’t feel as though he gained anything from it at all and he was just the insecure “poor kid” because some of his peers were turning up to school in helicopters and sports cars and lived in mansions. He went to school with Yungblud who hilariously claims to be working class because he was born in Doncaster but fails to say this was a posh village within the Doncaster postcode and that he went to a prestigious private school. I digress.

I don’t get why you’d make yourself broke for this. IL’s remortgaged, got into debt, didn’t have money to get DH and his sister the fancy clothes or do the expensive hobbies their peers did so they just never fit in.

I agree with previous poster. Just because you can’t afford it (which most families can’t) doesn’t mean the policy is wrong. Private school is inaccessible for the vast majority of families.

I think you’d be better off moving house to an area with decent mainstream schools.

Id love to send my children to private school but it would never be a consideration. Thats not Kiers fault.

I do think the government need to increase funding for more staff in mainstream.

Most private schools do not have charitable status. Like most countries in the world, we did not tax education as it was considered unethical. If we were still in the EU, Labour would not have been able to introduce VAT on education.

If you only have £50k income you really couldn’t afford to send the eldest private. You’d be better to move to an area with better schooling. London has costly housing but excellent state schooling and great SEND provision in many places. Do your eldest have an EHCP?

Crap state schools fuck up children more than just academically.

I’d do everything I could to send both children to a private school that suited their needs.

The policy was always aimed at lower middle class families since very wealthy parents were going to keep their kids in private schools regardless of the VAT. What I would say is not every child flourishes at private school and the fees aren’t to be taken lightly, ours have risen exponentially in the time we’ve been at our independent school. Have you forecast all the rises (generally they go up each year), and done the same stress testing for your other costs: mortgage, utilities, council tax?

There’s no point repeating this. The wealthy simply do not believe they are wealthy because they are not part of the 0.001% set. They are also the first to say that an annual foreign holiday is part of a set of basic lifestyle expectations when it is a giant luxury.

Most people don't make that kind of financial commitment so no squealing

I would want to know why a child that you thought was a high achiever was suddenly failing, what did the school say?
If you want them to go to private school then unfortunately it’ll mean you need to make sacrifices, only you’ll know if they’ll be worth it.

If you’re even considering it, then you’re rich enough. It’s certainly not worth bankrupting yourself for. What about another state school, a better one? Extra tuition on the side?

Mine went to an assortment of state and private dependent on their individual needs at any one time and the changing quality of each school over time. There was no sense that if one was at private they all had to be. We just did the best for each with their different needs.

But in your case it sounds as tho the needs of DC 2 would be best served at private too so you may need to beg steal and borrow to make this happen.

What a shame we do not have a quality state education system where these choices do not arise.

OP ask the bursary whether they use the school fees plan, the 12 monthly payments does make it slightly more manageable. I had DD with AUDHD at private and as a lone parent it was hard at times but 12 payments was definitely easier than 3.

Just as an aside though, my DD17 left the private sector last summer as I found a good sixth form college with decent SEN provision and small classes. Maybe look locally for the same so the financial pain is a few years rather than several?

Agreed.

Forgive me if I have misread your posts but you have a combined income of £100K, no housing costs and still can't afford it?

Op I just don’t think I could send one kid private (and happy) and then have the other one mainstream (and unhappy). I appreciate it’s a horrible horrible situation for you, but I would beg and borrow what I could so my kids had equal opportunities.

How much money and for how long? I assume DC2 must be nearly at the end of yr7? So 4 years fees for them and how many left for DC1? 6th form might just have to be out of the question

the Vat is a pain but is it really a deal breaker here?

You were already in a crap position by having one in state and one in private. Even worse that your describe the state school as “crap”. It might gaff been ok if it was a leafy grammar or something. So you’ve already stored up issues for your DCs.
School fees are always going to rise year on year. Bursary entitlement changes too.
I honestly don’t think the government is responsible for the predicament that you’re in.

I think whingeing and being resentful of the govt isn't going to help you here.

What's in your control? The school your child goes to . Think about how you can improve their experience there, or their educational experience, and if nothing, then move them. It's what millions of parents have to do and have always had to do.

And fwiw, moaning about the rich parents also smacks of envy - you've got one kid in private school, so you're hardly poor.

This. And excuse me whilst I get my tiny violin out.
Either both kids in private or neither, you are setting the non-private kid up for a lifetime of resenting you otherwise.
ideally neither, all the adults I know who went to private school have no common sense or grasp of real life.

Without "outing" your husband what sort of job pays £50k a year and comes with free accommodation?

Sorry I voted the wrong way by accident because your options don’t mirror the poll ordering

Can you move to a smaller house or a cheaper area so that the mortgage payments go down /and or you get money out of the house?

Can you get rid of a car if you have 2?

Can the grandparents help towards fees?

I’d ask these questions before bankrupting yourself even if it’s best educationally for your child.

Just do it. It will break you if you don’t. All 4 of mine did some time at private when they needed it. None needed it for 6th form. You will be delighted once they start and once you see the improvement. I have spent about £800k on education over the years - could have bought them a property outright instead but I have zero regrets.

Could you move him to a different state school and perhaps offer a tutor in particular subject or subjects and maybe some activities like horseriding perhaps?

It’s not ideal, but it might take the edge off.

It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation OP; I agree with previous posters that educating one child privately and keeping the other struggling in state is far from ideal. Wouldn’t be too bad if they were flourishing in state.

However if you can only just afford it what happens when school fees rise with inflation?

What is the money that would be spent on school fees currently being spent on?

Precisely.

Meanwhile, my child needed a decent education, he'd only get one chance, and my primary duty of care is to my child, not to British education.