Page 11 | To skint us all by sending DC to private school?

Stilish · 2026-07-02T12:48:13+00:00

One DC is at private school. This is because they have SEN and was really struggling at local comp. This was before the VAT issue. That DC is absolutely flourishing. Next DC has no SEN and started at the local comp last year. Is not having a great time at all, it’s a really poor school in many ways and this DC has gone from happy and high achieving, to unhappy and failing academically in 12 months. I want to send this DC to the private school too, where I know they will thrive like their sibling. But with the VAT it will be an incredible stretch for our family and I don’t know what to do. I have one happy child in a good school doing well, and one unhappy child in a crap school not doing well. I hate Kier Starmer and I hate Rachel Reeves. Their spiteful tax hasn’t punished any of the rich families. But I’ve been homeless and my husband and I have grafted since our teenage years, and it’s bloody punishing us. What on earth do I do? YANBU - find a way and send them YABU - keep one child in the local comp and let them keep failing

Feetballislife · 02/07/2026 16:42

Oh, and more fool you for paying for something that the majority of us don’t because we don’t have to.

whatyagotcooking · 02/07/2026 16:42

Stick with the comp and get tutors for certain subjects. They’ve made a huge difference to my daughter’s grades (she’s in state grammar) and so much cheaper than private school.

Feetballislife · 02/07/2026 16:42

Dexterrr · 02/07/2026 16:36

But the public was not and is not subsidizing private schools?
It's the other way around. Parents pay for schools fees and don't take up a space in state school which apparently saves the state £6k. We should get that back now. It'd cover this VAT nonsense.

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Oh good this again! ‘ subsidising’ state school while paying for private school? No you aren’t.

Taxes pay for lots of things but you don’t get to choose which ‘things’ you. We got from.

I have barely darkened the door of a GPs room in my life, but my taxes pay for the NHS. I have a sibling who has no kids, friends who have no kids - they’re paying towards kids education in the UK, I have never claimed a benefit in my life but my taxes go to those who do, I didn’t get the free childcare hours, I’ll probably never get a state pension by the time I retire…

I could go on. Perhaps you should be glad that we are trying to properly educated the next generation of tax payers. I am.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 02/07/2026 16:41

Visiblyabove25 · 02/07/2026 16:28

I am genuinely sorry that your DC are struggling, but I don’t really understand how - when public finances are so tight - there is any moral argument for the state to continue to subsidise the wealthy families who choose, voluntarily, to send their children to private school.

I appreciate you may not feel wealthy - but factually, if I’m understanding correctly and your joint income is 100K a year, then you ARE wealthy compared to most people - the average household income in the UK is more like 40K.

Only you can decide what’s best for your DC, but to reassure you - the vast, vast majority of children in this country go to state schools and, despite the scaremongering on Mumsnet, most thrive there. It sounds like this school is a bad fit for your son, might be worth looking at other state schools in the area.

They aren't subsidising, in fact, they're doing the opposite. A child in private school costs the state zero to educate, a child in state costs £8kpa. The state decided they wanted it to cost less than zero and to actually make money off children in private school. What actually has happened is that many of those children are now claiming state education rather than paying VAT.

Shoola · 02/07/2026 16:40

WhisperingHi · 02/07/2026 16:10

Why is taxing optionally private education unethical?

It’s quite obvious that private education and healthcare is for the rich, the alternative is state provision that is accessible for all (SEN situation is different, absolutely awful and needs a major shakeup and investment).

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Not everyone thinks like you. Some countries even give a tax rebate if people pay for private education.

Only 6% of children in this country go to private school. That is far fewer than many countries. 60% of private schools are SEND schools.

The State sector has a huge amount of inequality in it. Some state schools are brilliant and some are truly terrible. I know because I have worked in both types. The government loves to whip up anger against private schools because it distracts people from worrying about the education system they are providing for 94% of children.

Dexterrr · 02/07/2026 16:36

Visiblyabove25 · 02/07/2026 16:28

I am genuinely sorry that your DC are struggling, but I don’t really understand how - when public finances are so tight - there is any moral argument for the state to continue to subsidise the wealthy families who choose, voluntarily, to send their children to private school.

I appreciate you may not feel wealthy - but factually, if I’m understanding correctly and your joint income is 100K a year, then you ARE wealthy compared to most people - the average household income in the UK is more like 40K.

Only you can decide what’s best for your DC, but to reassure you - the vast, vast majority of children in this country go to state schools and, despite the scaremongering on Mumsnet, most thrive there. It sounds like this school is a bad fit for your son, might be worth looking at other state schools in the area.

But the public was not and is not subsidizing private schools?
It's the other way around. Parents pay for schools fees and don't take up a space in state school which apparently saves the state £6k. We should get that back now. It'd cover this VAT nonsense.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 02/07/2026 16:35

Ludicrous that the end result of this tax is that people who would have paid for private education are now claiming £8kpa state education, because the government thought it could get an extra £5kpa out of parents who were already saving them money by not using state schools. Next week, let's introduce a tax on everyone who hasn't been to the GP lately, anyone not regularly using the NHS must be too privileged.

FigurativelyDying · 02/07/2026 16:35

Longtimelurker1980 · 02/07/2026 14:28

Explain to me how you think private schools meet the definition of a charity?

those of us who oppose private education do not do so out of spite and envy, but because of a belief in fairness. We see only too clearly the effect of inequity in educational outcomes between rich and poor. The world isn’t a fair place but some of us fight for it to be more fair on behalf of those who don’t have or can’t use their own voice. Children are one such category of people. My poorest children in my school’s very deprived area deserve as good an education as the wealthiest families’ children. They don’t get it because government funding doesn’t even get us enough glue sticks.

Make a choice to privately educate by all means but please don’t pretend it’s a charitable endeavour.

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Well said

Mt563 · 02/07/2026 16:34

WhatNextImScared · 02/07/2026 16:05

If you only have £50k income you really couldn’t afford to send the eldest private. You’d be better to move to an area with better schooling. London has costly housing but excellent state schooling and great SEND provision in many places. Do your eldest have an EHCP?

It's 50k x2 + additional business income. Poor things. 42k fees will still be a mad amount of income but perhaps they don't have housing costs if the house comes with the job.

pilates · 02/07/2026 16:34

Are you renting or mortgage?

If mortgage, could you re-mortgage?

C152 · 02/07/2026 16:31

What an awful situation. If your home comes as part of your DH's job, it sounds like you're stuck. It's really not fair at all to prioritise one child over another when the state school has failed them both. If the only option in that area is a private school, you'll need to find a way to come up with the extra £10k a year so that both children can attend. Do you have a mortgage? If so, can you borrow more and extend the term, so you have longer to pay it back? Can one of you look for another job at night (I know that's easier said than done)?

If there is no way to scrape up enough cash, is there an out of area school that would be suitable for your second child (assuming there was a place available)? The travel may be further, but if it's better than the closer school, that could be an option.

I hope you find a way, OP.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/07/2026 16:31

I think being angry about private schools having to pay tax is misplaced though. Businesses should pay tax. There will always be a line of who can and who can't afford private school. It's not ethically different now that line is in a different place.

Visiblyabove25 · 02/07/2026 16:28

I am genuinely sorry that your DC are struggling, but I don’t really understand how - when public finances are so tight - there is any moral argument for the state to continue to subsidise the wealthy families who choose, voluntarily, to send their children to private school.

I appreciate you may not feel wealthy - but factually, if I’m understanding correctly and your joint income is 100K a year, then you ARE wealthy compared to most people - the average household income in the UK is more like 40K.

Only you can decide what’s best for your DC, but to reassure you - the vast, vast majority of children in this country go to state schools and, despite the scaremongering on Mumsnet, most thrive there. It sounds like this school is a bad fit for your son, might be worth looking at other state schools in the area.

Mumofsondownunder · 02/07/2026 16:28

Pollyanna87 · 02/07/2026 15:06

Have you tried working harder?

Have you tried being less unpleasant ?

Stompythedinosaur · 02/07/2026 16:25

I normally wouldn't think it was a good idea to send your dc private if it was a stretch but in this situation I think you have to. Brutally unfair to only pay for one dc, you can't do that!

labtest57 · 02/07/2026 16:24

greengreentall · 02/07/2026 15:12

My parents had this situation with me and my brother. I (older) was sent to nice girls’ private school. When it was time to send brother to equivalent nice boys’ school,(3 years later) they found the bills didn’t add up. They removed me and sent me to sink comprehensive when brother started. I floundered and was out of place and unhappy until I went to university. I had no proper friends at that school. It was a lonely time.

Did they still send your brother to private or put you both in state?

NotSure222 · 02/07/2026 16:18

We have twins - one went private after struggling in a top government school due to sen and the other stayed in government school system. We just allocated more tutoring funds to the twin who stayed in the government school system. Both ended up at the same russel group uni - infact twin who went to government school has a wider social network as had 220 kids in his A level year compared to 80 in the other twin's private school.
Keep one in private one in state - consider changing the state but definately top up with tutoring. You could move him to private ... won't guarantee he's happy there either.

AuraBora · 02/07/2026 16:16

LeedsLoiner · 02/07/2026 14:27

Full disclosure I'm against private education, however not for any ideological reasons but simply because if "private school parents" were in the state system they're the sort of people who could push the government to invest in education properly, they have the clout and the contacts to make things better for all children.
If all MPs and Peers had to send their children to state schools, could only use NHS services for treatment and had to travel everywhere on public transport I bet we'd see massive improvements in all three within a couple of years...

Great post!

I feel for you, OP, this is such a difficult situation to be in. Hope you can find a solution.

Ethelspagetti · 02/07/2026 16:16

RubyTraybake · 02/07/2026 15:06

Use the money you are using on private education to move house to a better school catchment. The options aren’t awful school or private school. The vast majority of children go to state schools and do just fine. I find your attitude offensive to all of us who can’t afford private school for any of our children.

Agreed. Move nearer to a better school or use the money for private tutors.

Gloriia · 02/07/2026 16:15

Everyone would like to send their dc to a private school but if you can't afford it you can't. It should be that simple.

Go and talk to your dcs teachers and see what they suggest re support, or look at a different state school.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 02/07/2026 16:15

i am on a similar income with DH and can’t afford private school for my 2. But we have a mortgage too. I don’t begrudge the private school tax. If my son was struggling in his state school, we would try another state school. But it’s tricky for you to send one to private and the other not. That could cause a hell of a lot of resentment so you’re going to have to send DS2 really. Can’t have one happy in a private school and one unhappy in a state school. It will be a squeeze though.

WhatNextImScared · 02/07/2026 16:13

80smonster · 02/07/2026 16:03

The policy was always aimed at lower middle class families since very wealthy parents were going to keep their kids in private schools regardless of the VAT. What I would say is not every child flourishes at private school and the fees aren’t to be taken lightly, ours have risen exponentially in the time we’ve been at our independent school. Have you forecast all the rises (generally they go up each year), and done the same stress testing for your other costs: mortgage, utilities, council tax?

It wasn’t aimed at anything other than raising money.

And lower middle class parents in this country can no longer afford private school - that’s not news, it’s been the case for a couple of decades now

PrimaryParent2 · 02/07/2026 16:11

Flamingojune · 02/07/2026 16:01

Most people don't make that kind of financial commitment so no squealing

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Bullshit, of course they do.

Swimming lessons? Long term financial commitment.
Dance classes? Long term financial commitment.
Clarinet lessons? Football? Drama classes? University accommodation charges?

All mainstream mutli-year financial commitments, which parents will stretch themselves for to keep going.

But a 20% increase in costs, purely to placate envious class warriors, even though it will not improve anything else? Damn right you'd be squealing.

WhisperingHi · 02/07/2026 16:10

Shoola · 02/07/2026 16:08

Most private schools do not have charitable status. Like most countries in the world, we did not tax education as it was considered unethical. If we were still in the EU, Labour would not have been able to introduce VAT on education.

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Why is taxing optionally private education unethical?

It’s quite obvious that private education and healthcare is for the rich, the alternative is state provision that is accessible for all (SEN situation is different, absolutely awful and needs a major shakeup and investment).

lessglittermoremud · 02/07/2026 16:10

Is there another school slightly further out that possibly has space?
Are you in a grammar school area where your privately educated can sit the exam for and then the same for the next one?
Our county isn’t a grammar school area, we have 3 private schools within 10 miles and the rest are state.
My 3 all went to a state primary, eldest is in a state secondary which isn’t our catchment school as he preferred the one slightly further away which was a little undersubscribed so he got in.
My next one chose to sit the 11 plus exam for the Grammar schools in the next County over, he got allocated a place based on results and will have to journey by bus and my smallest is still in primary.

I would never have sent one to private unless I could offer the same for all, my cousin went to a private school on scholarship (still had some fees paid) and his siblings didn’t, they had nothing in common growing up and it’s caused life long resentments to some extent.
You can’t keep him in a school where he is miserable and failing, you either have to look at moving him to another state school that suits him better or try and come up with the money somehow to send him.