AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Umm all good points, the obvious solution is for DH to go part time, right? Then he won't miss out on the kids or have to juggle his job with school pick ups.

He works outside the home, so his hours might not work for school runs etc. Appears that OP's job was more flexible in that regards, although DH does appear to be lazy so it is possible his hours would work, but most jobs are not school hour jobs, so some childcare might be needed. Also school holidays might require more childcare

One thing I would say is the ages of OP's DC are quite fun ages, you are coming out of the drudge of baby/toddlerhood and not yet in the joy of hormones and puberty. Also friends haven't become more important than you in their world. I'm not saying OP shouldn't take the job but I would certainly be checking the amount of hours required (and I would be saying that to a man as well) so you don't miss out on this part of childhood.

The children have a father. Why outsource to strangers?

Oh my god. Cos play being the main earner. Thats such a good way of putting it. EXACTLY what my ex did. I used to ask him if I could spend money and if I spent without asking him he’d be angry. It was money I earned. He did his vanity projects. Barely made minimum wage. Yet would cone home late to dinner I cooked. Would leave mess I’d tidy. Aaarh. I was such an idiot. Never again!!

Heed my warning OP. Take the job. Do not get a nanny. They are his kids. Divorce may be easier!! And you get to keep your pension from that point forward.

Look I get that your situation is like the husband’s and it maybe makes you feel guilty or something. But she says she does the mornings, the bedtimes and cooks all the dinners. I doubt he’s packing book bags or setting out uniforms either but maybe. But splitting hairs to try and defend your situation is not a good look quite frankly.

If your husband is happy with your situation then good for him. If he’s doing more of the domestic load and the big job I think that’s unfair but that’s just me.

But I’m not trying to convince you I’m telling the OP what I think. And I hope she ignores you to be honest as your banging on to nearly everyone who is supporting the OP is getting a bit aggravating.

Go for it and get childcare sorted.

That sounds like my job - though not quite that high a salary. I work in an industry that involves having to fly somewhere, anywhere in the world at little notice and totally random. I have done this job for years and I love it and my girls are proud of me. I’m actually a single parent but my ex and I have always co parented 50:50 so when I’m away he’s taken on primary care responsibilities and when he’s had intense periods at work (he’s a headteacher) I’ve taken on more. The kids are now young adults and we’re proud of how we showed them that mum and dads careers are equally important.
take the job. Opportunities like this don’t come around every day. Ignore the SAHMs. You are doing a good job of being a brilliant role model for your kids, unlike their lazy father.

Having said that, I would think long and hard about whether you want to be away from your kids that much. I wouldn’t have wanted to at that age. Money isn’t everything. But it’s up to you of course, my outlook isn’t right for everyone

That's what I came to say. Money isn't everything.

I really hope you accept the job. The update about him getting up having coffee and going to work while you earn more AND do childcare routines tells me that he is a bit of a shit bag. Not sure what you find attractive op.

He does not get yo say no. Who does he think he is.
He is jealous snd insecure.

What are his concerns? Is it that the children will miss you for those two days and he will miss you or is it that he is having to do more? I would suggest him cutting some hours so he can do the school runs and pickups then there isn't really an issue for him to complain about. I would be more concerned about the children's feelings than his.

Please accept this job.

He'll get over his little crisis in a day or two.

Take the job, you must! Huge congrats.

DH sounds quite lazy, I’d have the ick, personally.

If I was on £200k a year my DH would be delighted to go PT (I currently earn 6 figures and he £40k) and tbh he’s much better than me at all things kids/cooking/cleaning anyway. How times have changed in society and thank fuck they have. 🙂

Go for it. You'll kick yourself if you don't.

Just take the job and divorce him if he can’t be happy for you. He’ll have a much harder life doing 50:50 childcare, the lazy sod.

Oh, and congrats.

Dump the DH

he is jealous and fears you will get more and more promotion and will eventually leave him. So spare him the wait and dump now.

also as his job doesn’t bring in much, he can go part time (for his wellbeing) or if he can be ok mentally without working he can be a full time SAHP

I was thinking the same. A lot of people seem to assume that working mothers will be at home for the evenings and weekends but fathers are free to work long hours and travel.

This sounds like a fantastic opportunity OP, I hope it all works out for you.

You should definitely take the job. Tell your DH to do one.

I have twice stopped dh getting a promotion.

First time was a very well paid role in UAE - no way was I moving there with the kids and I didn't think it was healthy for our marriage for him to move there alone.

Second time was taking a very public position in the civil service, he'd have been a household name - I valued my privacy too much.

I didn't consider congratulating him either!

He understood my reasons and respected them.

@SummerDive I don’t think the OP was initially told about the travel, which would make me wary of what the actual expectation of the job will be. She mentions additional stress. Even with a completely hands on partner excessive stress is not good for anyone

He is being incredibly selfish. In the current scenario it sounds like he is able to cos play as the main earner whilst you prop him up financially and also do the family stuff so he doesn’t have to compromise work.

When men earn more they always use that as the justification as to why their wives pick up the slack (even if they work as well). In reality I don’t think he wants you to take the job as he doesn’t want to be the one who picks up the slack at home. He sees that as your job even though you are the main earner. It’s sexist bullshit.

I think you've completely misunderstood my post or you're replying to the wrong person.

I agree.

But ….
1- when the OP talked to him, he wasn’t remotely curious about it and what it meant to the OP. He just wanted his way and clearly exiect the OP to do what works fir him regardiess of what works fir her.
If he had been happy fur her, congratulated her, asked questions and also wanted to check logistics including the impact of her being away on him AND the dcs. I’d have a different view. Instead he is coming out as entitled.

2- the OP hasn’t mentioned how he normally is re her job. But I’m wondering if the fact she didn’t say anything in the first place is because she knew he wouldn’t be happy. So she went fir it, thinking it wouldn’t work anyway and avoiding a put down/confrontation, and now she has ‘unexpectedly’ got the job, it needs to be sorted.
I agree though that this points towards much deeper issues within their couple. Point 1 doesn’t help. If he is always that self centered and dismissive of the OP ambition/wishes/dreams, it’s not just a communication issue they have.

You really want the new job; your husband should support you as best he can. You already have support in place to run the home.

Why would you not try it for a year and if it is not working out, you can discuss the reasons why together and re-evaluate it. You have done so much hard work and promotion is the reward, and you are not asking a particularly big sacrifice off your DH.