AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Girl.... this does NOT meet my definition of a hands on dad.

More than 50% of deadbeat father's in the 1980s managed a bit of horse play amd a kick around in the garden with their own children.

I am a high earner in the same range. The T&Cs of your home set up would simply be unacceptable to me.
I feel like you are one of those women who have been conditioned to keep things nice and not make a fuss.

I posted previous but I think your competence makes this guy hate himself.
Because he is happy to leech of you but then wants to hold itnagaonst you because it holds a mirror up to him and his lack of everything.
When you divorce ( and I predict you will) he'll take you to the cleaners then tell everyone what a monster you were.

https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-book

Please check out this book. Get him to.

It sounds like he works, does a bit of the easy stuff of parenting and rests?

You will burn out. You sound very high functioning and you’ll manage to do it without him stepping up to adult and parent properly - but it will take its toll and by perimenopause the scales will fall and you’ll see how he has used you.

Please don’t let that happen. He lives in the house. He eats and washes in the house. He wears the clothes that need washing and he fathered the children. Every single thought and task related to all of that, is 50% his responsibility. His penis isn’t a get out of jail free card.

And trust me when I say this - they CAN do it. Their brains don’t prevent it. They just don’t want to do it because the mental load and emotional labour of parenting and the load of maintaining a comfortable hygienic home is tiring, unappreciated, relentless and often tedious. Why would you do any of it if you have someone to do it for you?

this

Do you not think that now is the time your husband should learn how to do night wakings, early mornings, kids’ parties, birthday present buying (etc) and how to cook more than beige freezer food, @Bigjob1234? Does he not understand he is a parent now, not a spoiled child?

Does he actually enjoy his job?

He sounds like a passive parent who will do the bare minimum, when asked. He won’t support your ambition because that will mean change and he will have to do ‘more’. Pathetic given the ‘more’ in question are basic parenting and household activities.

Take the job OP. Your life and career shouldn’t be put on hold because of an effortless, unambitious, self centred man child .

I continue to be blown away by your passive responses about him op. They’re really strange. Haha isn’t my husband useless, isn’t it funny that I do all the work. It isn’t funny at all. I wonder what your upbringing was that makes you think (pretend?) that he deserves you.

That’s not bringing hands on though. That’s being a Disney dad and cherry picking the nice bits of parenting.

Im sure we would all prefer to only do that. But that’s not what a parent is about.

Me too.

100% agree with this…if you don’t take the job you will become very resentful of him and quite rightly too …Congratulations OP x

I'm wreally struggling to work through the importance of being physically present in the home, even on those days which are crammed full of school and activities meaning quality time is minimal anyway... Vs only really being around when WFH and at weekends

Honestly, I’ve done being the one who is at home whilst dh was away half of the week (it worked out as 7 days out of 14) and little input from him the other 50%. In part because we had our routine so it was easier. In part because he never made tge effort.

And I’ve fine working ‘away’ 2 days a week and being there the rest of the time. Similar to what you’re doing.
The two days when I didn’t see the dcs didn’t make much difference.
It forced dh to step up and build a reiationship with the dcs that he wouldn’t have had otherwise. But the dcs were happy because they were with the other parent. I got to do the job I loved. The person who struggled more was dh. But then it also taught him that parenting agd doing the daily nitty gritty stuff was HARD and he didn’t take what I did fir granted anymore.

He has a good relationship with the DC is 'hands on' in many ways, just not the get dressed, get fed, pack bags kind of way.

@Bigjob1234 can I ask if you can clarify what you mean by that?
If he isn’t doing the bet dressed, fed etc.. but us still hands on, what is he doing? Playing with them? Taking them to their various activities, to the park?

@Bigjob1234 I hope you see that the majority of posters are telling you to GO for it! And if he's not happy then divorce his sorry ass.

@Bigjob1234 If the job is what you want and will make you happy, take it.
It sounds like your NVDH enjoys a very cushy and easy lifestyle and it's long past time that he grows the fu@k up and becomes a parent to his children.

As for getting bashed by other posters, this is MN, so you cannot expect any better or kinder replies. Many are jealous, so by making you feel smaller, they feel bigger. Others are just petty and want to be obstreperous to make their life more enjoyable. Ignore them.

Do you need to think about the pros and cons? Of course you do! But not taking a job YOU will enjoy so your NVDH can continue to be a man of leisure around the house is unfair to you and to your children.

I wish you the very best and I hope you take the job!

Amazing achievement, congratulations. Take the job without guilt. You'll still be a great parent, you'll make it work. If he got this job you'd be supporting him without question.

Just because that is YOUR story does not mean that it's the OP's story.

Projecting just makes you look petty and jealous.

i think this is a valid point, sadly.

Another reason to take the job op, is that even if you don’t want to yet/can’t see it yet; when you hit menopause I will bet my house that you will think ‘why the fuck did I let him treat me like that’ and get a divorce. Night was well prepare for it by having the best job you can have.

The everyday sexism or even outright jealousy and misogyny astounds me. Go for it OP and huge congragulations on your achievement and the incredible juggling you are already doing! Time for someone else in your house to step up and share the load...

But her H isnt operating as a team, that's the entire point?

Firstly, congratulations on getting the promotion! Huge achievement.

Secondly, I'm really torn. I'd feel exactly the same as your DH, but I value family time and flexibility above almost everything else. I would absolutely hate DH to take a job that took him away from us more and no level of remuneration would make him not being there ok.

BUT as your husband has an inflexible job, which he sticks at because he loves it, makes him a hypocrite!

So on the balance, I think yanbu.

Your miserable selfish husband is dead weight you could do without.

It’s a really tricky dynamic. I earn more than my husband but he probably has the more stressful job. It’s annoying as I end up being the one who picks up the slack at home. He genuinely works a very noble job and I admire him for that. However I can’t help think that if it was the other way around he wouldn’t be so willing.