AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

I left the thread after seeing op is just here rant.

1. I was replying to a different poster, not OP, so that's your comprehension issue.
2. OP's proposed job isn't as I described, so 1 should have been obvious.

He is not oblivious

He doesn’t sound hands on at all if he can’t do the parenting basics.

On that wage you could get a divorce

lol

Absolutely agree, I can’t even imagine how a conversation must go…
’morning darling, how did you sleep? I slept like a log’
‘well I was up 4 times with the baby’
‘oh well, better get their breakfast now, I’m gonna have a lie in and a coffee’
’good idea’
365 x 7 years later.

This this

he is genuinely not malicious, just....oblivious!

How does this BS explanation as obliviousness cover off him doing NO NIGHT WAKES while you earn 2-4x his salary...

Does he not know women need sleep?
Did he not notice that babies dont sleep through the night?

I'm beginning to think this is a wind up...

If real....Agree with others, you are 100% heading for burn out...

yeah he sounds like a big brother or a lodger who has agreed to help out a bit, not a huspand and parent.

@LastoneYawning

Every word you said is true.

This should be required reading for every young woman before agreeing to cohabit, marry or have children.

READ THIS!!!! (from upthread)

Again and again until it sinks in

You will burn out. You sound very high functioning and you’ll manage to do it without him stepping up to adult and parent properly - but it will take its toll and by perimenopause the scales will fall and you’ll see how he has used you.
Please don’t let that happen. He lives in the house. He eats and washes in the house. He wears the clothes that need washing and he fathered the children. Every single thought and task related to all of that, is 50% his responsibility. His penis isn’t a get out of jail free card.
And trust me when I say this - they CAN do it. Their brains don’t prevent it. They just don’t want to do it because the mental load and emotional labour of parenting and the load of maintaining a comfortable hygienic home is tiring, unappreciated, relentless and often tedious. Why would you do any of it if you have someone to do it for you?

Congratulations: Go for it all, have a great time doing the job.

He is Not a hands on Dad in any way at all. Get someone part-time (housekeeper?) to do the day to day including cooking nourishing healthy meals. Leave him to the Disney world he does now.

I’m interpreting your written descriptions of his parenting to be more like a fun uncle (at best), than a father.

Absolutely take the job. He should be so proud of your achievements. Well done!

How.much does he earn? If it is less than 50K surely he would be better off being a stay at home dad and you can ditch all.the external help you have at the moment.....

well. Your challenge is that DH doesn’t want to do anymore than he does. He doesn’t contribute equally as it stands and he has no intention of allowing that to change.

His response is all about him.

you need to tell him that you are going to accept the position and that means a change is required to support the family as a whole and that includes your ambitions.

£80/90k a year is not to be sniffed at. That’s paying the mortgage off several years early. Amazing holidays and trips with the kids. Pension contributions which let’s face it his will be crap.

He needs to get on board and if he won’t, you have bigger problems I’m afraid.

Op I don’t want to frighten you, but is it possible you are already in some kind of burnout mindset? I’m just thinking because your responses about your goddawful husband are so odd, is it that you cannot bear to think about yet another thing? You have a stressful £100k job, do all the hard bits of parenting whilst getting none of the fun bits, and you have this abhorrent selfish man going on at you as if you’re not good enough. You must be exhausted.

Can your marriage survive the resentment you would feel if you turned down the job?

Why is he allowed to get away with that?

This really is unacceptably minimal. Since when can a parent just refuse to do parts of parebting. It’s not a bag of pick n mix. The promotion is a red herring. Your husband is not pulling his weight as a parent and this is going nowhere good.

He's about 2 steps away from being Disney dad. Why are you letting this loser man dictate your career choices? If he wants to live in the lap of luxury and financial security, but not be the one paying for it, then he needs to be the one to make some sacrifices, including his little morning lie ins and learning how to steam a few vegetables.

Hello
Firstly - congratulations on your promotion - take it and do not look back. I had a similar situation where I was main earner, did every night waking and early mornings with two young DC whilst also creating all the financial stability. The resentment was unbearable, I was permanently exhausted.
I left exh and in the few years since I tripled my salary (was on circa £100K when I left) my DC have two nights a week with their dad and I am happier, healthier and have had about five promotions in that time (I still don’t and have never had a nanny). I don’t know if you still love him etc but honestly I have never looked back and my children are growing up extremely happy and well loved by both parents - funnily enough exh became a better father when he had to!

@Bigjob1234 you need to sit down with him at the weekend and work out how your new work schedule will work, and he will need to do more (even if you hadn't got the promotion)

You both work, so why hasn't he done night wakings, work with you on getting DC ready in the morning etc (even if his work schedule doesn't allow him to do drop offs etc he can be up getting them dressed, fed etc). Why can't he cook more than beige food? He shouldn't need instructions for parenting

You really need to look at how your new role will work. If you are already struggling to fit everything in, and having quality time with family, how will it work going forward, and leaving you time to relax and destress, otherwise you will burn out and have missed out on family time. Fancy job and extra money isn't worth that. If DH steps up big time, would you still have the hours to fit in what you want