AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Huge congratulations @Bigjob1234 👏🏼🥳

Congratulations, enjoy

Great news for you, congratulations!

So pleased, congratulations. He needs to accept the role as primary carer. Women frequently go part time to support their husbands career and run the household. Men can do it as well.

Congratulations, @Bigjob1234, so pleased for you that you’ve decided to take the job to be able to make progress in your career. I hope you manage to work things out by September, too. Good luck!

Also been following and very glad to hear you have taken the job

So glad you've taken the role.
Reading some of the responses on here has actually depressed me, if this was a man he wouldn't be on an internet forum asking if should take the role.
OP it sounds a lot like you still do the majority of the mental load as well as a demanding high paying career, i'd look for that to change-there is literally nothing more pathetic than men that have to be asked to do the basics in their own household/family.
It really is something that we must train out of them rather than simply accepting it as a man thing.
They are seemingly perfectly capable of doing their job in the workplace without constant instruction so why do they need to be directed at home?
Put simply, they don't, they're just lazy fuckers that CBA and are happy to let the other adult deal with it.
Good luck in your new role OP.

Good for you!

I just reread all your posts. Well done you. Hey, OP, maybe hubby will get up 10 minutes earlier once you start the new job. Hope it all works out. Consider coming back here at the end of the year to let us know how you are getting on.

Good for you ! I am so pleased !!!

as for your dh thinking you as a family have plenty of money anyway that's because you are the one bringing it in !
He would really struggle to support you and the children if it was just his income !

Oh Brilliant news, I was quietly following your thread, so glad that you took the job. If the support isn't there at home, I would think about hiring a Part time nanny, it will make you life easier and give you more options if needed in the future. Good luck in the new job!

Yeah girl, I’m so happy for you!

Really pleased to see this @Bigjob1234 - congratulations!

Congratulations @Bigjob1234 what a fantastic achievement. I completely understand where are you coming from - it’s not about chasing money, it’s about the achievement of securing such a senior role. I would absolutely go for it. Your husband is behaving like a selfish dick for not congratulating you first, especially as it sounds like this will only make the childcare load more even, not less

Oh… so a woman shouldn’t have a career because her dh might suddenly want an affair instead??

If that is the case, then the OP has EVEN MORE reason to take the job!

But beware! Your entitled husband might just decide he's worth it... and deserves some TLC from a nearby woman.

Hi OP, I hope you have made a decision based on what you want, an opportunity like this may never come along again, grab it with both hands and don’t look back! Can you imagine the future you are setting up for you and the kids. It is an extra 3k a month after tax!!! Your next promotion could be 250k!! And think if the increased pension contributions for retirement You have a golden opportunity go for it girl! 😀

I hope you managed to have a fruitful and positive discussion.

I get the 'martyr' concept of wanting to be a good Mum, but can you put that aside? You are a good Mum, and have been for many years, aided by a flexible job and a high salary. Now you continue to be a good Mum by considering the whole family and how your potential decision will impact on everyone.

Your dh isn't really doing the same. He's doing a job he like and enjoys, but the price is that it isn't flexible (or so it appears) and therefore it doesn't take into account the needs of the whole family - including you. I can understand his pov where in comparison to his income, you earn plenty. But this is not just about money. It's about opportunity and fulfilment for you, and it's not selfish to want that.

There is always the risk that by not going further in your career, you may jeopardise your current position. What then. You may well find yourself in the situation where you have to take a lesser paid role, which may have much less flexibility. How would you both cope then?

Are there ways in which you can use work travel time to do life/family admin? I always found the dead time in airport lounges, or on trains, an excellent time to tick off the boring tasks such as insurance renewal, meal plan and shopping order, writing Christmas cards, meant I could get home and be present for everyone. Plus I used the 'away' time for some self care - a hotel with a pool, a massage, an hour to join an online yoga class or meditation group.

If things are really impossible re: early mornings and after school, are there any older teens locally who might walk your dc to school, or supervise breakfast. Not the same responsibility as babysitting since your dh might also be there most of the time.

If you're in a senior role I imagine you are pretty creative with problem solving. Use those skills now.

Bliss! All the good stuff. The rewarding stuff. None of the stress.

wouldn't it be amazing to be a parent if you could just pick and choose the parts you will and won't do, and wait for specific instructions and requests for every task?

‘Will not do’… do you really mean that? Surely you are sometimes away and he has to do things he doesn’t necessarily enjoy doing.

Sorry, what? He needs instructions for how to look after his own kids, and there’s certain things he ‘will not’ do? (What does that actually look like, out of interest? What happens if you say you need him to take his turn at early mornings?)
He sounds more and more of a waste of space.

YANBU.

It would be one thing if your DH were already struggling with his existing work-life balance, already felt burnt-out or emotionally and practically abandoned, and opposed your promotion as a result.

It is quite another thing for a man who already sounds like he does far less than his fair share on the home and children front to oppose your promotion because it might require him to contribute more to family life.

I can understand him being anxious about the change, especially if it will involve him doing things he hasn't had to do much of before. It does sound like a big decision that impacts on everyone in your family. Perhaps his knee-jerk reaction isn't representative of him as a partner and person. But his lack of consideration for what this might mean to you and his failure to congratulate you at all does not sound great.

I do recommend that you really reflect on the martyr stuff. It's understandable but probably not very useful to you. If there is any chance here that you are setting yourself up to fail with this promotion by driving yourself to do the impossible in trying to do it all for work and for your family out of guilt... well that won't be great either. It is also possible that your DH is alert to the possibility that you are setting him up to fail by struggling to let go of how you think things ought to be done... A bit of beige food (or, on your budget, the odd hello fresh-style cheat) won't hurt anyone if he does end up having to look after the kids by himself a couple of nights a week. Perhaps it might be important to explore his specific worries and fears, and to take a really non-judgemental stance when doing that. Your rage might be entirely justified but I don't think it will help you find a way forward here - only mutual listening and understanding will do that.

And absolutely, mothers are judged and demonised for having their own work ambitions and dreams in a way that men simply are not. I remember to my shame going back to work earlier than planned after having my DC because I'd unexpectedly received a big exciting promotion but needed to start work sooner as a condition of the job offer. I went around guiltily telling people the opportunity was too big to turn down and how we needed the money. The reality was that I just really really wanted to take the job because I knew it would be challenging and fascinating. I sensed (correctly) that a lot of people wouldn't like me saying that. I wouldn't go around debasing myself like that if I had my time again because of course I was just further reinforcing the idea that it is shameful to want to pursue things at work as a mum, and that is only dire necessity is a valid reason to do it.

Good luck with everything, and really well done.

Congratulations! I’d take it and hire an aupair/nanny. Tell DH he can pick as he will be working with them mainly…