AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Go for it OP, your children getting the example of a fabulous Mum, who doesn’t sell herself short for the opinion of a man is priceless.

You will resent him enormously if you don’t take it, although he will probably try to sabotage you.

I took a similar job with similar benefits when my youngest was 8. My DH went from main breadwinner and the one out of the house all day to the one who worked flexibly and earned less. He did it with enthusiasm and excitement for me. For the last 5 years it’s succeeded because of him and it’s barely impacted the kids because of him. It’s allowed me to embrace the job with little guilt as a mother. It’s also afforded us a great lifestyle. I will be forever grateful for his reaction.

Your husband is being a dick: he should be able to raise anxieties for sure but first celebrate his pride in you, then ask for a proper chat, listen to your thoughts as well as articulating his, then propose options and mitigations. That’s what a good man would do.

That might take most of her salary rise once you factor in a nanny's salary, tax and NI, payroll costs etc

YANBU, but I would think also personally about how it affects the kids and your headspace and wellbeing and relationship generally in terms (not necessarily in that order) due to additional stress and responsibility.

There are plenty of jobs I could get and could do on paper than could be 20-50% more salary than I earn now, but I wouldn't do them as I know the stress would make me ill, and I would barely see DH or DDs. And my DDs are grown up. When they were younger I worked PT (while still being the higher earner) and still wished I could have spent more time with them and less time working.

Ignore your husband's reaction but I would seriously consider how much time you would be away from your young children.

Life changes constantly, especially life with children. He has managed to work in a low paid job he loves, without worrying about anything else for long enough because the OP takes on everything else.
He doesn't get to say 'no' just like that and it saddens me that you think thats ok because he is worried his life might change.

It seems very unfair that he gets to do a job that he loves, but you aren't allowed to feel fulfilled by your career too.

Could you ask him to list out the things he think will cause issues and then together you can work out how to solve them (I suspect most of them could be solved by the additional money? As others have said, nanny for childcare etc.)

Is there scope for your husband to reduce his hours in any way (even if he doesnt want to, is it possible?)

What does he bring to the table?

How much travel are we talking about? This is relevant to the salary uplift

What an arse. So he gets to do a job he loves, but doesn’t support the family financially or practically?
Take the job. If you need to, get a nanny to manage the children. Congratulations, what a fabulous achievement.

You need to take this job. For him to stay in a low paying role simply for enjoyment is a luxury. He should also be looking for better opportunities

He said no? Who made him the boss of you? He doesn’t get to dictate what you do.

Having said that, I would think long and hard about whether you want to be away from your kids that much. I wouldn’t have wanted to at that age. Money isn’t everything. But it’s up to you of course, my outlook isn’t right for everyone.

Congratulations and go for it! I had a live in nanny for a few years ( high earner, lone parent) so if he’s unsupportive then you pull that lever!

She said she was flexible for childcare but I didn’t take that to mean she does every single school/nursery run. And to be honest if she does, then even more reason to be talking to him about how it’s going to work because it affects him massively.

Everyone just saying ‘go for it’! Doesn’t he get a say in it? They’re meant to be a team.

Congratulations op! It’s no small thing to be offered a job like that.

Of course you should take it if it’s what you want and your DH should support you. You could employ someone to help with the children or your DH could look at reducing his hours.

The OP is the one who works around the children now, why have you assumed any of what you have written? Did you take time to read the full OP?

This is not a defence of DH’s reaction, but how was the promotion presented to him? Setting aside relative contributions to the family unit, the promotion is upsetting the status quo of day-to-day life (in a way that you clearly understand but he may not), which is something that will need to be solved (ideally together).

If I was in his position, I would what to know (a) how life would change, and (b) what the possible solutions to that change might be (e.g. nanny, him changing his hours, etc), to be agreed together. If you have done (a) but not (b) then I can understand a certain of hesitation on his part (albeit he’s a shit for not congratulating you).

I agree, he's only looking at this from a view of how it affects him. You'd surely be earning enough to hire a nanny or au pair to help with wrap around care and maybe some other jobs while the DC are at school.

I really hope you are still planning on taking the job! I’m angry on your behalf!

With everyone else - ask him why he hasn't congratulated you, and then suggest options: he gets a significantly better paying job to compensate for the salary increase you'd be turning down, or he says "That's amazing dear, you should absolutely go for it!" - he doesn't get to veto and also not contribute adequately/fairly (either financially or in taking his share of family life) to just stay comfortable where he is, relying on you to facilitate him.

Although in your circumstance I'd be taking the job regardless of what he says - it sounds like a fantastic opportunity, you should absolutely go for it!

Well done @Bigjob1234 this is a great opportunity for you.

Sounds like he doesn't have the same career values as you. How sad that he doesn't even recognize what a huge achievement this is.

Go for the job. Hopefully he will get onboard, if not, get a nanny

I agree that he is probably really resentful. Someone in the family has to be that breadwinner and he’s probably hurt it isn’t him.

I do have to ask though - did you tell him you were going for this promotion in the first place? Surely you discussed it beforehand and I could imagine he was telling you how he felt then? So his lack of congratulations probably came from him telling you he’s not on board in the first place and you going for it anyway. Doesn’t make his attitude right, but it would explain his behaviour now

Have you discussed it with him? That he’s happy to take up all the slack with childcare and running the house while you’re travelling? Or have you just assumed he’ll get on with the donkey work, while working himself, while you do your dream job?