AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

This 100%. If the roles were reversed and it was Mum saying no to the promotion in these circumstances she would be told categorically that she should suck it up and parent her children for the greater good of the family.
Congratulations on your promotion.

Don’t be silly. This is not the same. This husband has no ambition and he’s fine in his low paid job that he can’t do from home. Was that you?

So OP does the childcare, is the bread winner, both allowing him to do an inconvenient job he enjoys. He doesn't get up in the mornings to help with the kids, and doesnt clean. Please do tell us how OP needs to be more of a team? Should she wipe his arse for him too?

But his behaviour is contemptuous to be fair. He earns very little in a lifestyle job which requires him to be away from home a lot. He contributes fuck all financially and does minimal domestic or childcare work.

To be a “team” there has to be equity of contribution. Not necessarily directly in financial terms. But if one partner earns a lot less they should do more childcare and domestic work (the standard SAHM model).

By the sounds of it this bloke does next to nothing.

Your husband doesn’t get to do a low paid “passion” job at your expense (where you have to earn more and do a job you like less) and also do fuck all childcare.

Take the job and give serious consideration to a divorce. The cheeky fucker is lying in bed while you do all the childcare before getting up, having a coffee and swanning straight out. What is he adding?

40k after tax is absolutely fuckloads of money. People on this site are wild.

Well done! I also think you should definitely go for it and make it work. Your kids are the right age and you will be able to explain to them that you can't be there 24/7. This is however a situation in which you'll really get to know the man you married - though to be fair, it may be that he's hesitant as it is 'new'/'a change'. So go for it, and tell him you'll reassess in 6 months/1 year if this is doable in the long term. I'm in a similar position and still get quite a lot of push back from those around me (my own parents/inlaws, etc.). Husband is also still complaining a lot after several years but he refuses to understand that it was me who took main care of the kids the first 4-7 years and took a hit in my career by taking maternity leave. What is most important to me is that my kids don't mind. I did sacrifice all my social life and honestly never have much rest. So my free time is spent nearly 100% with the kids. By now I see that my eldest are proud of me and I know as well that I'm much happier.

I think you have some very internalised sexist ideas to think a woman shouldn’t ‘flaunt’ earning more than her husband for some reason, why is a factual statement an issue?

Why would it be seen as ‘flaunting’ when it’s simply a fact? Would you view it the same way the other way around?

Also can I add, irrelevant of if you take this job or not, this special little prince needs to step up and start pulling his weight. Lying in every morning is taking the utter piss. He's incredibly selfish.

So, he refuses to parent his own DC or do anything around the house/garden? He does a low-paid job that he loves while you work full time, subside his lifestyle and manage the DC/house, and he does NOTHING else? He won’t even care for his DC before and after childcare for TWO days per week, so his wife can try a new role, that’s an amazing opportunity?

Those are the basic facts of this situation?!

Gently, what DOES he actually bring to the family? What does me give to you, as a life partner? What is the ACTUAL POINT of him?

I just don’t ‘get’ it. You’re obviously successful, intelligent, capable etc. How and why are you tethered to this useless-sounding man, who seems more like a rock tied around your neck, than a supportive, uplifting partner?

What will happen when DC are older and watch you doing everything and him doing nothing - this will be their ‘normal’, their model for how a relationship/family works. It’s not healthy.

Many congratulations! Replace him with a nanny.

I guess all big moves like this need some joint discussion and sometimes jobs have to be turned down. But this just looks like mean-spirited jealousy from him. How dare he not say well done to you.

It doesn't sound like either of you has much respect for the other one. The way you speak about him is pretty contemptuous and you seem to think you should be able to do as you please regardless of his opinion. He, on the other hand, hasn't congratulated you or seems to value your ambition, even if he has his reservations.

Marriage is about being a team - both of you seem to only want it from your side. So I guess there probably isn't much point in carrying on.

I couldn’t stay with someone who wasn’t supportive of my dreams. He can’t cope with the children two days a week and for most of those days they’ll be at school? I know a woman with a very highly paid husband and she does more solo parenting than twice a week (she works part time). He loves your money but doesn’t love looking after his own children 2 evenings a week.

One important question to ask yourself is how much extra time is this job going to take up? Is it the kind of job where you wil lfeel forever on call and anxious if you don't look at your work phone? How will you feel about less time with your children and husband? Do you think it will be manageable or will it have a negative impact on your family life and relationship?

Not asking to be goady or judge (I don't think there's a right answer, it's compeltely personal) jobs and industries vary massively in expectation and responsibility.

Dump him, OP. He’s giving me the ick

Congratulations, OP!

I think so many women get trapped in the situation where they have the high-earning jobs with flexibility (because of seniority) and their husbands have lower earning jobs with rigid hours. What then happens is they do all the wrap-around childcare AND bear the responsibility for keeping the family afloat and their husbands have all the leisure time due to minimal responsibility at both work and at home.

And that’s not a true partnership.

Your husband cannot call all the shots whilst you bear all the burden. He should be proud of your achievements. It’s fine that he wants to do his job - but he does need to step up at home. There is plenty that can be out-sourced out. And your 2 days wfh will be great.

I’d sit down and have a good chat about his concerns. I think part of the problem is he’s currently only doing about 30% in the partnership versus your 70% - and that isnt sustainable.

Take the job, ditch the weight around your neck.

So, bluntly, your husband is a low earner, doesn't do childcare, household tasks or step up when it comes to you having a massive promotion? I'd either take the job and tell him he pulls his weight or I'd divorce and get a nanny.

The only thing I would be worried about is what he’s saying about you to the children when you are away. If he’s not supportive, there is a risk he could take it out on them.

And this is why women struggle to progress. Ideally, a family needs one flexible parent. Many women are happy to step up and earn but most men aren't happy to step in as the flexible parent so the woman's choice becomes do it all herself or pause her career.

You have done well to reach that level of salary- not many woman manage it especially with young children.

However, I do think jobs need to be discussed and agreed upon because it does affect the household. In some ways he’s not wrong re the salary not looking quite as high as it should feel due to the tax but you have to go in very realistically about the hours, impact, salary etc and the impact it may have on your family and the children. Sometimes it is worth it and sometimes it isn’t. My husband did a big job and the money was good (but not as good as you’d expect after tax) but the hours and the stress have been terrible for his health and he didn’t like barely seeing the children. He’s manoeuvred himself into something less likely to give himself a heart attack but it was harder than we expected to escape and move down. No-one wants an ex CEO in a head of position for example.

So I think you have to go in with eyes open about the potential benefits and risks. Big paying jobs come with big expectations and it’s not always a happy place to be.

Why are you with him? It doesn’t really sound like a partnership.

So he'll have to put his children to bed two nights a week and give up his lazy mornings two days a week. If he's got away without doing that for the last few years then frankly he's been very lucky, and it is about time he stepped up and actually contributed to family life.

Longtermlurker1980
I love your optimism that taking a low paid job, with meaning suggests OPs DH isn't a twat.

Sadly I've often seen that the opposite is true.
Men who are doing their obsession or "hobby" as their "work" role are often absolutely blinded to how that affects the rest of the family. But you know, so long as they are getting their ego stroked.....vicars are esp bad at this.

Congratulations, what a great achievement. I'd take the job and ditch the man child. He should be encouraging you, cheering you on in my humble opinion.