AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

As a woman with an inconvenient, high powered and very well paid job, this is so frustrating to read. Of course you should go for it, what an achievement and amazing opportunity for your family. Men are never told they're too ambitious but women are put through this endless guilt trip for doing something completely normal. I say, take the job, set a phenomenal example for your kids and believe in yourself.

Yes, your husband may have to be more flexible and WFH or drop hours but that's also completely normal.

Finally, once you're in role, you must also take time for yourself for hobbies, exercise, friends. Don't let the guilt of working and having a career lead to neglecting yourself.

Why are you paying all the bills, cleaner, childcare ? What is his salary paying for ? Just because you are the higher earner doesnt mean he gets a free pass to pay nothing.
What exactly does he contribute ?

YADNBU

Congratulations!!
You’ve got to go for it.
All your points are very valid.

Your DH is missing the bigger picture here. All he sees is it impacting himself. Your children will be absolutely fine.

Not even a congratulation sounds like there’s some resentment and jealousy there too. It’s quite a common scenario unfortunately.

Right @TammySueso a completely and utterly different situation to the op then?

Congratulations on the job offer. I haven't RTFT.
Why are you doing most of the child care if you both work full time? It sounds like he's had it easy. Why doesn't he go part time and help with the children, house etc? Sounds like he just doesn't want to do it.
When I got pregnant, DH and I discussed who would go part time as we both worked 12 hour shifts, nights and weekends so nurseries were not an option, not well paid jobs.
I went part time as he was paid more than me then although he would have done it if I earned more.
Your H needs to step up but sounds like he doesn't want to.

Like OP is 7 days a week. Poor menz cant be expected to do 2 days though can they? That would be unfair.
You're just a misogynist.

I don't see how you can just accept the job without working out between you who will cover off household/childcare stuff - surely, that's just the reality of having two young kids? However, I do think you shouldn't just accept his point blank NO without a very full and frank conversation about who is picking up the bills etc at the moment and what this promotion could mean for you all in the future.

Adding to my post above, I remember once asking my husband how it was fair that when my job allowed me to do all the school runs and then when I wasn’t available (eg work travel) he accused me putting work before the family - when I was taking all the burden as default anyway. In that case how was it fair that his job stopped him doing school runs every day? Why was this my responsibility? (Especially as I was the higher earner!!!)

When I put it this way he understood and it really changed the dynamic. Sometimes you have to reframe things for them.

You are absolutely right. No matter what, it falls on women to find the solution.

And just an add. Big jobs come with big risks. I've been fired more times than Billy Smart's canon!

If she is doing all the house stuff, I agree.

There's many high paid men who would say what OP does, though. "We have a gardener and a cleaner so I don't see why my wife thinks her lityle pocket money job is so important".

No, I totally understand. If my DH had taken the job that involved a truly massive salary, I'd have had to reflect on why I was in the marriage. Money isn't the be all and end all.

I was the main breadwinner throughout our childrens childhoods. Take the job and if you can, save half your new salary. When you get into your late 40/50s you can consult if it suits your industry.
Congratulations.

Congratulations OP!

Take the job xx

My ex, after saying that he would pitch in when I said I wanted to go back to a 'proper' job after freelancing, and I got 3 excellent offers, totally torpedoed them by saying that he wouldn't actually utilise that flexibility and do the kids drop offs (to child care I had organised, and that would have left him getting into work 1 hour later - and with a shorter commute due to reduced traffic at both ends of the 1 hour shifted day - in a job which boasted about its flexible working).

Honestly, it was the beginning of the end of the relationship, as I totally lost respect for him, and was so disappointed. I did find a WFH job that paid well, and let me continue to do 100% of the childcare, but it wasn't reasonable or fair.

I think if you don't take the job, given you already cover all the stuff for the kids, you will resent him, and it will grow.

It's not just " putting them to bed" if she"s properly away for two days. It's running the whole house.

Again, 2 days a week when OP currently does all 5. You have a warped sense of fairness.

It’s unlikely a man would get himself into the position of being the main earner and responsible for all child and home care on top in the first place

Huge congratulations on your achievement!!!!

Work is inconvenient that's why it's called work! My husband earns way less then what you would earn and l do 2 bedtimes a week on my own. I don’t earn much less than my husband -some months l earn more. Your husband sounds lazy, unsupportive and entitled

Ah I really feel for you. I had similar.
My bet is that he is feeling threatened, insecure etc and won’t admit it.

Once I was bringing in a ton of money, paying for the good holidays and cars (good one this if he likes cars) and he’d got used to it, he softened. Then I lost my job anyway!

Rather than get angry and fight, this is going to take a lot of conversations. I think I’d try to understand his concerns and deal with them calmly and logically, with the aim of getting his blessing for you to “suck it and see” for a bit. (Obviously you are going to take the job anyway but you should try to understands his concerns and get his buyin. He should be doing 50 percent of the childcare etc anyway, it is not your responsibility, it is a shared one so this is something that needs discussing. )

Nothing is permanent but by stagnating in your career there’s a bigger chance you get laid off and have fewer choices and have to manage on his salary so this move makes a lot of sense. Corporate is often onwards and upwards or out.

That amount of money, even for a couple of years, will make a real difference to your family’s financial security.

This new role may not be for ever - but it’s a great opportunity for now.

Don’t dig in, listen to him and get him to
u derstand nothing is for ever but there’s a big risk if you don’t take it. Also that it can’t be that you are accused of not caring about the family when you do all the domestic work - that’s not how it works.

Good luck op, it is not fair but that is men for you. Don’t burn your bridges with him but don’t turn it down!!!

What would a man do? They’d take the job! Your husband is being completely selfish! Take the job!

A friend of mine said to my DH, who was behaving similarly about my career, that his cock wouldn’t drop off if he said “I acknowledge that your job is more/as important than/as mine, and I will support you in any way possible to ensure that you succeed.” Take the job. Hire the nanny. He will get over himself.

Sorry op i can understand this from DH’s point of view.

My DH earns twice what i do. I work 80% meaning i’m able to do pick ups.

He already works long hours. Yes he could easily go somewhere else and get more money, but has decided not to as it’s not the best thing for our family right now.

If he just took a bigger role with even longer hours, it would just mean even more work and exhaustion for me. And so i would want to know he had considered my wellbeing in this as well.

If he said he has an opportunity, can we talk about it? I'd congratulate him.

If he said "guess what - I have this promotion - you'll be doing all this parenting on your own but it doesn't matter because you have a pin money job" I'd be furious.