AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Agree that's an awful reaction from him. Not solutions focused at all. My husband loves his job and I do more of the childcare - not everything needs to be 50/50 anyway. It sounds like you're really supportive with his job. I think you need to sit down with him and point out how negative he's been and say that you really want to do the job and what solutions can you agree together, e.g., nanny, etc. etc.

I think there is other things that need attention in your relationship if he is not congratulating you and then talking calmly about how it will work.

Look up Be a happier parent - Alex trippier. He’s on instagram and has podcasts I think. He talks about sharing loads and all that stuff. How he thinks is the bare minimum you need from your H of you want to pursue your career / role.

Obviously that's extremely unfair and there's no reason this time shouldn't be a shared effort.

I dont know where you've invented her threatening him from but ok, so I'd ask why its ok for him to force her to get the kids up every morning whilst he stays in bed drinking coffee?

It's really telling what parts some posters pick up on as being unfair.

Just what I was going to write.

If he doesn't want a nanny tell him to give up his low paid job and look after his children so you can fulfill your dreams. He's been living his dream on your money and goodwill for long enough.

OP isn't threatening him financially, she's just asking him to step up and do his share of parenting.

If you don't take the job the resentment will likely end your marriage, so you may as well take it and see how things work out. That's what I would do if in your lucky shoes.
He'll either step up, or ship out.

She has painted that picture, yes. And if it's true then the marriage is not viable. I said that.

Whichever gender is doing it, trying to force the lower earner into capitulating by threatening them financially is just obnoxious - there are no heroes in this story.

I think there's a place for banning certain jobs. My DH was offered a 400k job. He was all excited and told me about it until I replied, "So you're saying that you could be sent away at a moment's notice, for weeks at a time, at the company's whim? So we can never rely on you coming on planned holidays, I'll have to give up all the plans I have for next year for my work, and basically we'll have to operate all the time on the assumption that you aren't going to be here?" He said yes. I told him how unfair that was and I can't remember if I told him this or just thought it, but it crossed my mind that if that was the case, I might as well just get on with life as a single mother, since that's what I would be (except for still having his income). I mean, what's the point of a marriage if he's married to the company first?

Go for it OP! What an achievement! He is clearly only thinking of himself, I had a similar situation a year ago (not as much money as you) but still a considerable rise and did not take it due to childcare and not being around as role was more in person and as I wfh almost everyday I turned it down, I regret not taking it! You will stil get to WFH 2 days a week, Go for it you would be mad not to! Think ahead in 5 years time you could be on 250-300k

He’s scared he’ll have to do some parenting

I saw the term labourdigger yesterday - a man who uses his spouse as an endless source of labour, ie to work full time, be primary childare provider, clean the house while he continues to fulfil a 'traditional' male role of working 37 hours a week and doing not much else. It really hit home for me how many men do this in a post-feminist world where most of us do work, often in good careers yet are magically still expected to facilitate his career, hobbies and down time too. Men used to talk down about women who were gold diggers, but the same disparity hasn't come to the fore about the millions of women who now do significantly more labour than their spouse.

Take the job, you will always regret it if you don't because it is a fantastic achievement and very importantly you clearly want to do it. Your salary enables a childminder or nanny so his job is not changed, and frankly he is perfectly capable of parenting his children a couple of days a week before and after work, just as millions of single parents do, parents whose spouse works away or is in the military or in hospital etc. He's not incapable, he just can't be bothered and as you say your salary is the one that enables you to have a good life, but you should also feel fulfilled with that too which it sounds like the new role will give you.

Take the job, ditch the man! Seriously though what does he actually do to make your life easier as it seems you are the one doing all the work. All you are asking is for a bit of rebalance so you can pursue your ambitions.

I thought internalised misogyny too for this poster. Totally different standards for mothers or father.

I've just RTFT (yes I know I should have read before posting before, but my opinion hasn't changed). The part about him laying in bed drinking coffee while OP is up early and sorting the kids on her own made my blood boil. Sounds like DH is jealous of his very talented and hardworking wife, and he is worried about his cushy lifestyle being threatened.
Poor DH maybe having to manage the kids and house on his own for a couple of days a week! The audacity of OP expecting him to contribute as an equal partner! As if women don't do it on their own!

OP, throw this one back and share custody of the kids 50:50. You can have them when you are WFH. He will just have to manage when it's his turn, just like so many of us do.

Well done on your amazing achievement. You should be very proud of yourself.

I do think suddenly having one parent away for two nights a week is huge and I would have hated it if DH had done that when the kids were small. I likely would have had the same reaction as your DH if I’m honest.

But, that does not mean I think he is right and you are wrong. He cannot just say no as he has no right to do that.

Genuinely, have you read any of the ops posts? She pays for them to be in childcare, has a cleaner and gardener because re refuses to do any of it…she currently does it 7 days a week, but that’s fine to you?

How have you ended up being married to a man who has such a vastly different ability and ambition to you?

Low pay verses £200k isn't just earning a bit less, it's a whole personality and lifestyle away. If you take that job I doubt you're relationship will last. You'll be surrounded with other ultra successful people and this will change your mindset about him, maybe he can see this already. You'll be earning significantly more than the Prime Minister, but married to an office admin bod.

Promotion doesn’t necessarily mean more work - often you get greater flexibility more of the time - so it may be better to keep him motivated than to “ban” him.

£40k a year extra is almost £1k a week (you get holidays I imagine so will be more like 47 weeks max he’s having to solo parent). For £1k a week, he can’t look after his 2 children by himself for 48 hours (when they are both going to be at school most of the time)? I think perhaps he likes HIS simple no stress life with you looking after him and the kids just fine and is not taking your wants/needs into consideration

Right. So not what the op said whatsoever
. just completely made up. With his job logistics made up too for good measure.

im getting a bit irritated by some of these posts, and honestly, shame on all of you who are trying to put the op down, who sounds like an utter legend with a top career PLUS doing/funding everything at home, simply because you have billy big balls husband who don’t parent.

I wish the SAHMs posting on this thread about how money isn’t everything and with their specific circumstances and how put upon they feel (justified in all the posts I’ve read) would actually read all of OPs posts.

None of the situations posted are comparable! Op is still doing the majority of the childcare and has organised cleaners and gardeners as her ‘DH’ ‘won’t do it’.

She is already shouldering most of the household burden so why shouldn’t she earn more for it?