AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Take the job and ditch the husband. He sounds absolutely awful.
I love seeing women do well and OP you are correct a lot of men earn this money and think nothing of travelling and being away a few nights per week.
I reiterate take the job and ditch the husband. I bet you would be happier it doesn’t sound as if he brings anything to your life anyway.

So he doesn't do much around the house & doesn't want that to change?

Even though it's for a job his wife would love to do?

Sure money isn't everything-says the man who is supported to do his low paying job that he loves!

Two things leap out.

1. You appear to be shouldering the domestic load. How the fuck has it come to pass that you both work full time yet he does no cleaning, gardening ot parenting in the mornings or evenings? Change this or divorce.

Congratulations OP.
It sounds like you do the majority of the childcare anyway.
If the new setup would be DP does 2 days a week and you're still doing 5 mostly then he is being entirely unreasonable.
If in practice you do 5 or less but he is still doing chores etc in that time then a conversation may need to be had around taking a little more load on those 5 days or buying in more labour.
But overall he is being a dick for not being delighted for you.

So I personally feel quite fulfilled at both work and home, albeit, yeah sometimes resentful this goes unnoticed.

I’m afraid I’d really struggle with his attitude.
You basically have been doing two shifts. One at work, one at home with minimal input from him. And now that he is asked to step up, not even doing HALF of the parenting, he is throwing a fit because how dare you having a job that means he is going to have to parent??

I’ve been in the place of the parent on their own whilst dh was working. At the age your dcs are it’s fine. Seriously. When they were babies, that was a totally different situation.

i have to say I’m 😵‍💫😵‍💫😳😳 at the fact your dh went Me, me me. Not a word about the way it could potentially affect the dcs (not a lot. If anything, it gives them the opportunity to be closer to him and strengthen their bond).
Nope just ‘I like my life tge way it is. Not interested about the fact your dh went want the job, you enjoy it etc…
And not interested in discussing what sort of lifestyle you want either. His idea of what lifestyle is right is obviously prevalent isn’t it?

The worst thing is that, if you were deciding that actually your dream job was one that was at a similar kevel than him agd your lifestyle would be effected, I’m sure he, and manu posyers on here, woukd tell you to suck it up agd carry in your current job. Becayse money etc….

Jonestly if your hypothetical man did everything and now was going to require you to do the school run and dinner 2 days a week, while he earnt even more, you’d suck it up and congratulate him if you had half a brain cell, because many women would have divorced him long ago. I would have. Doesn’t cook dinner? That’s nice he can find his own place and feed himself. Doesn’t help with the dc in the morning? He can not help from his own place so it doesn’t make me mad. If he doesn’t step up he’s a textbook example of a man where getting rid makes his ex partners life easier. If ditching your partner

You definately need to go for it! Your DH will just have to get used to a new family routine and you will resent him if you turn this amazing opportunity down.
Sit down and talk with a list of questions/points you want to make. This could change your family's life and you'll kick yourself for not moving your career forward.
Grab the bull by the horns and HUGE congratulations to you. 🍾

Congratulations on the job!
However, I think you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you don’t take the job then it’s very likely that you will feel resentment towards your husband and a lack of fulfilment but if you do take it, your husband will likely resent you and the change in (what sounds like) his pretty cushy current lifestyle.
If you would be away from the family for a week at a time or whatever then that would be a different story but you’ll be wfh two days a week!

Congratulations! Absolutely go for it. With that kind of salary you can buy in extra support/resource.

Not quite the same as you but I went from 35k to 100k on an internal promotion and it
undoubtedly meant DH had to do more but we could also afford more cleaning and a nanny to support us.

if he refuses to respect her job or care that she likes it, why should she respect his job and care that he likes it? Marriage is not slavery, it’s supposed to be a reciprocal relationship.

Was he aware of your interviews? What did he say before them? Sounds strange reaction

Is his job so truly inflexible he can’t do a couple of mornings and after schools (after wraparound I assume) himself.

Is it typical that he lies in bed in the morning while you run around getting everything together? And he never does dinner? Are you happy with this.

This could effect your marriage in the future if you suck it up. Sound like DH needs to wake up and take on some more responsibility. It’s an opportunity to balance things out a bit.

Not bring there for a couple of bedtimes a week is no huge deal in my opinion.

Putting aside taking or not taking the job offer……

When both of you work full-time you should be equally sharing everything to do with the children (getting them ready in the morning, dropping/picking from childcare, bedtime) and the work to run the home. It doesn’t matter who earns more or less, you both work full-time, all of the above should be shared fairly. Why are you doing the vast majority? Can you sit down with your husband and have a calm discussion about a fair division of child and house jobs? And if he isn’t willing to do that, why not? Ask him to verbalise why he thinks the burden should fall solely on you.

I don't think the Ops DH is feeling insecure or dimished, frankly, he has it made right now and he knows it and doesn't want that to change. I'd think carefully about what you do next Op, you've let him have his own way for years whilst making more money than him, how long before your anger turns to resentment?

Thank you. It’s quite funny really he’s been much nicer to me since we’ve agreed to separate 😂. Almost like he’s finally realised I’m a human being rather than a support animal!

Oh and. OP I forgot to say congrats on your promotion!

It's really telling what parts some posters pick up on as being unfair.

It certainly is.

Right, so for completely different reasons, and not so he could indulge you in continuing to do fuck all and leave everything to him? Shocker.

So he currently does sweet FA every morning/evening? No wonder he doesn't want you to take the job - he'd have to do some actual parenting twice a week!
Tell him he can like it or leave, you'd save a fortune in coffee alone.
Like the resentful pps above, my DH did the big job with the inconvenient hours. When his work involved extra travel, I didn't object because I was already doing all the kid wrangling, not wafting about sipping coffee.
I assumed you were going to be away for weeks at a time, but you actually get to WFH two days a week! He's a lucky sod and he needs reminding of it.

I know people are saying £40k isn’t much extra, but it’s more than a lot of people’s full time salary. If your money is pooled as a couple, your DH could effectively look at it as though he (well, the family) is getting £40k for him to do 2 mornings and bedtimes per week.
It sounds like he doesn’t do much around the house, so when he talks about “our lifestyle” he really means his own. I think a few hours a week of sorting out his own kids is not much sacrifice for £40k and his DW’s success – the pinnacle of her career that she is only planning to do for a couple of years anyway. Can’t believe he hasn’t at least congratulated you on being offered the job even if he isn’t happy about it

@Bigjob1234 the internalised misogyny on this thread is both enraging and deeply depressing. The poor menz having to actually do a bit of post-school parenting...

MASSIVE congratulations on your job

A serious conversation with your husband is needed about why it's OK for him to prioritise his work happiness but not you. If my husband told me I couldn't do something it would be the quickest way of ensuring I did it within 24 hours. He's not your keeper or your boss. I think it will be tricky to navigate through this, because of the stance he's taken but you have to try. But honestly, I would also have serious reservations about how your relationship will work going forward with a husband who has this kind of patriarchal, reductive attitude towards a massive achievement on your part.

Real speak - my job and I borh have "decent" jobs.

We.bpth.miss bed time one night a week and tag team on mornings and drop offs alternative doing them solo.

Whatever his faults my DH is my.biggest cheerleader (after my mum) while we make decisions.like this together based on the family 2 days travel 2 days wfh is veryyyyy normal. Infact its the set up my dh and i both have in our jobs now! Mine is higher paid with more flex

I'd be looking hard at the rest of my marriage.

Honestly id be telling him he needs to step up or step off? Is he actually engaged in family life?

What shitty behaviour are we talking about here?

Which he is allowed to have an opinion about. And you are allowed to have feelings about that too.

Ultimately, if you want the job then take it - you can only do what you feel is right. There may be consequences for it but that's just life, you have to make choices. It sounds as though you want the job regardless and are looking for validation to leave him if he doesn't change his tune. The question is why hadn't you already?

I mean, I agree that he needs to do an equal share of house stuff and childcare.

But her earning more doesn't mean that his job isn't important, or that he doesn't get a say.

You are a woman with the ability to land such a job and yet you are wondering if you are unreasonable?

Have a word with yourself and take the job. Hire a nanny.