AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Go for it, OP. You are WFH 2 days + weekends. It's a no brainer.

Congratulations, OP.

he would probably end up doing max 2 bedtimes alone each week and 2 mornings alone each week. What a big baby he is.

I earn very well, am around lots, do the kids wake up, bedtimes and make dinner every day.
And yet he's still moaning?
You need a serious conversation. He has had a good thing going and he is now faced with the idea of having to put in some parenting, and he's throwing his toys out over it.
I cannot imagine this scenario with the sexes reversed.

That your DH feels emasculated is hardly surprising. Men are very predictable about wanting to wear the trousers in the household.

However, you mustn't give in to his fragile ego because you will both resent him dreadfully and end up divorced. You must take the new higher paying job because you are going to end up divorced anyway.

take the job. you could get a Nanny part time around his access hours, would he want shared custody or less? cos honestly, if he thinks he can work a poor paid job cos he wants to but you have to earn lots and still do everything to facilitate his life, then the marriage isn't working

Congratulations! Tell your DH that you are taking the job and you both need to sit down and make it work. It's time him to step up and support you.

Congratulations OP.

Take the job.

Your H should be embarrassed. It’s very clear he doesn’t want to parent after so long of not doing it. He could be seeing this as a great opportunity to build bonds with his DC, help secure their future and give his wife what he had - a job she loves. But all he cares about is how this will require him to go from doing nothing to contributing. He will still be doing far less than he should be.

Yuck. Massive ick

Take the job. Get a nanny. Tell him to stop being so bloody selfish.

his view is that money is not worth sacrificing our current lifestyle after tax etc.

my giving up lifestyle he means that you would no longer be able to do it all, and he would actually get off his lazy arse and do a little bit of parenting. Poor thing.

Your post could have been written by a friend of mine, right down to the lack of congratulations. She kicked him out and now she does her travel on two nights a week he has the kids. I'm not saying you should do this, but puts it in perspective. He won't be doing childcare when you're away. He'll be parenting.

Cynically, I doubt that would happen since the “big man” with a “big job” is highly unlikely to also be the one who does the daily family routine and family life admin on top of his “big job”.

which is why I said there needs to be conversation and not just about this job. It may be that the marriage can be saved, it may not, it maybe that the OP won't want to try to save it and by this I am NOT suggesting that she should decline the job to save her marriage.

@LameBorzoi
you’re continuing to just make stuff up to suit your own narrative. Can you show where the op said she ‘just dumped it on him’? The only thing she has said about it is that he said a flat out no when she tried to discuss it.

100% agree. OP is being very reasonable and DH needs to buck up his ideas.

Huge congratulations on your great achievement! Well done! Please, please, please take the job - I think it sounds as if your husband is upset that he will have to take up some of the slack that you usually carry round his inconvenient job, and will have to do some proper parenting, which he is used to you doing all the time. Unless I’ve completely misunderstood his attitude? Anyway, you are most definitely not being unreasonable to be angry with him. I must say, unless there’s more to it than you’ve stated, as PP have suggested, I’m afraid in your position I might actually be considering divorce, too.
Good luck, I do hope it all works out for you and you manage to take the job and enjoy it, and work well with your husband so your family life is not poorly impacted. It’s NOT about the money, it’s about your personal achievement.

I just feel like the OP could be written by a "big man" with a "big job". He's "around lots" so doesn't understand why the "little woman" is kicking off about her "little job". It feels like some kind of reverse.

If this was him getting the offer, would it even be a conversation or would he have said yes?

This sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity for you. I'd grab it with both hands - it's not like you're leaving newborns at home.

It sounds like maybe this promotion needs to mark a bit of a turning point about how things are done, whether you take it or not. Why is it you get the kids up and ready while he just lies in bed, has coffee, and leaves without helping? Why are you the one that makes dinner? I'm not surprised he doesn't want you to take a promotion that will mean him contributing more, he's not contributing enough as is! What a shame he's so unsupportive of you.

Also, if this is what he is like, would you trust him to do 2 bedtimes and 2 mornings without you? Is he actually capable of it? Why don't you have a practice run where you stay out of it as if you're not there. Then he can see what you do currently, might give him a bit of a wake up call.

I think you should absolutely go for it. Especially if it's what you want. It sounds like your DH just doesn't want to be inconvenienced.

I posted this thread early as I was up getting stuff ready for my children before a full day of work. He lies in bed, wakes up, drinks coffee and leaves

I think YOU are missing the fact your husband is taking the piss out of you. Your anger about the promotion should actually be anger at how your husband is treating you on a daily basis.

Take the job, get a nanny, lose the husband.

No. People are responding on the ops situation. You are applying your own - irrelevant - situation. What you would do with your husband, ie two people who respect each other - is completely irrelevant.

OP, there are always trade-offs, and if you don’t take this job, you may well resent your DH for ever. Is there no nanny/au-pair solution that could cover get-ups and bed-times? Maybe if you got a nanny, you could ditch the after school clubs or whatever. You will have to think how you can make this work for everyone’s benefit, but your DH is being v unreasonable simply to dismiss it out of hand because the current set-up suits him.

Go for it of course, you don't need MNers to approve 😀

As others have said, get a Nanny & kick out DH.

Yes you’re right

It's not the same, but it's close enough to make me feel defensive.

I thimk he needs to step up, yes. But that is a separate (if connected) issue to OP not communicating a huge life change and just dumping it on him and expevting him to be happy about it.

When I read your OP I thought you were possibly being unreasonable but since reading your updates (particularly the one about you being up and about with the kids whilst he laid in bed with his coffee and was straight out the door without making any kind of effort or contribution to family life) I though, nah fuck that shit.

Think of a future where you don't take the role...will you just crack on as normal? Or will your resentment build? I've no idea if this is a possibility but what if your DH is offered promotion which involves work away a night a week? Or decides to up his game and gets a new job that involves more time away? Imagine how angry you'd feel then. You can hear it now "well you should have taken the job when you could; don't take it out on me because you chose not to...".