AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Take the job.

I'd ditch the lazy selfish husband too, but that's just me.

Husband sounds an inconsiderate and selfish knob. Have you considered taking the job and divorcing him?

@Bigjob1234 Take the job. You'll regret the opportunities that come with it if you don't.

You are resentful because you thought your contribution was appreciated. Instead it is taken for granted. You are very happy for your DH to prioritise his own working happiness over his earning potential. He is only able to do that because of your earning potential. Because you are not a twat, you don’t constantly rub this in his face. However you thought it was part of what he appreciated about the relationship, similar to how there are things I’m sure he brings to the relationship that you appreciate.
His reaction has told you that your belief in the above is incorrect. That actually your contribution is more taken for granted than appreciated. That’s hard. That would be hard whatever the contribution was; if you always did the family washing (for example) you would assume on some level it was appreciated. If you found out it wasn’t, that would be hard.
Your DH needs to know this is important to you. Not necessarily from a financial perspective, but because you deserve the working happiness he has and your children deserve to see both their parents happy and fulfilled at work. I hope you manage to resolve it. I just wanted you to know I understood where you were coming from.

Huge congratulations to you @Bigjob1234 🙌

I agree with other posters - if you don’t take the promotion you will probably regret it and resent your (not so) DH.

Congratulations on your promotion! It is a massive achievement to get to the pinnacle of where you want to be in your career.

It sounds like he isn't currently pulling his weight outside of both your working hours and paid for childcare. He knows you being away for a couple of days a week would be harder work for him. But he needs to suck it up. 2 nights a week, and 2 mornings a week is way less than 50% of the load.

As you've said, its not just about the money, although it is a great pay rise. It seems to be more that he doesn't want the balance of work to change. Whereas you want the role you've been working towards, even if it is only for a few years. And the money is not insignificant, even if you don't need it now, you could invest more for an earlier retirement or towards helping your kids with uni/house deposits/education costs etc.

Best of luck working it through with him, I really hope it was just a knee jerk reaction and that he can better see your perspective.

Only in the short term. Bin him off now, before she starts the new job. He doesn't sounds like the sort to bother with 50:50 childcare, so she would still be doing it all, same as she is now. And reducing the long term financial exposure of him going after 50% of a much larger pot of assets than it is now. If she thinks the relationship is dead anyway, which it doesn't necessarily sound like to me.

Go for it, use some of the extra money if necessary to help with childcare. You may find it's too much and takes away from family life, but then you can always move on. Opportunities like this don't come easy, you'll regret not taking it. Huge congratulations!

Massive congratulations on your promotion!

For that kind of salary 2 days away from home is an absolute win (what field are you in please 😁).

I have two friends who's husbands work away all week and nobody bats an eyelid because they're blokes. If your husband is baulking at two days solo parenting he can jog right on.

The lack of enthusiasm for your promotion coupled with him being a wet lettuce about parenting his own kids by himself for 2 days is shocking.

He doesn’t want to take on childcare? But you earn the most money and are still primary carer? Are you sure you want to keep him? He could do fewer hours to facilitate.

Also congratulations! Take the promotion! Do it! Love seeing women succeed!

Congratulations on the job!

If he was doing more of the housework/childcare, some of the comments might be justified.

But it seems like the only adjustment he'd be making is covering two mornings and two evenings - he's not even doing the bare minimum at the moment and even if OP took the job he'd still be scraping to meet the definition of doing the bare minimum.

He's doing a job he loves for fulfilment. This is financially facilitated by OP. She wants to take a promotion for her own fulfilment. All he needs to do is two mornings (instead of lying bed while he drinks a coffee and she does it, FFS) and two evenings and he can't even do that.

He's lying in bed drinking coffee in the mornings while she gets the kids up and out, OP has outsourced his share of childcare and his and her share of domestic tasks (although I would bet good money that she is still doing more of both than him), and paid for this.

I understand that a lot of women are trapped by their husband's taking the big job/promotion while they have to pick up the slack of all childcare, housework, mental load and taking a massive hit on pay and pensions while running themselves into the ground. That is an unacceptable situation. But that isn't what's happening here.

Or a divorce
Find a supportive greatful husband,who appreciates her paying the bills

He will be doing more child rearing if you divorce him and he has them 50/50. If he’s sensible he will take that into consideration.

Congratulations! Like many others have said, go for it.
Additionally I would be suggesting he quits his job and becomes a SAHP or only works school hours since he seems to think that parenting is your job. That's team work 💪

Stop pooling all your finances and start putting a proportionate amount into the joint account. I was going to suggest a nanny and other help but you already have that so surely it doesn't mean he has too much left to do? Just put his kids to bed on the one or two days you can't. Is he lovely otherwise? As I would be thinking some of the planning might need to be a back up if the job doesn't work out.

It wasn’t such a big promotion but he threw a stop over it, how I wouldn’t be able to cope

left him a few years later and then got the promotion and then another …

Sounds like you do everything right now.

Regardless of whether you take the job or not, he should step up to do a fair portion of the chores and childcare. I'd present that fact to him as non-negotiable.

I also think you should take the job, it clearly means a lot to you.

Ugh, MN seems to be full of these sorts of men, living off their wives with their low paid hobby jobs, but still throwing their weight and opinions around about her career and home duties like they’re some sort of Master of the Universe type and she’s the “little woman”. You are the bread winner, you have to carry the can for your financial futures, you tell him he needs to adapt to your new job or fuck off and cocklodge elsewhere.

He is jealous.
Take the job and get a nanny and a cleaner

Read the effing thread. At least the ops posts. If this is a team, then the op is 10 of the players and the h is 1. No, scratch that, he’s on the bench.

You may never get this chance again. And it doesn’t even include a relocation. Tell him you’re taking it and will review it in a year’s time. It’s easier to downshift than scale up so you can take a step back provided he fills the earning gap by then…

If you’re already stuffing your pension and ISA and don’t need the extra cash for lifestyle related things, put it into children’s stocks and shares ISAs and then junior SIPPs. That way, in the unlikely event your marriage breaks down over this, he won’t be able to get his hands on some of that extra salary.

Congratulations! You need to take it!
FFS why would you turn down a job when he would have to SHOCK HORROR do 2 bed times and some school runs now..

Take the job, leave the man

If he is so worried about all the extra stress on you, he should go part time to help out with house and children more.
But he is not worried about you, is he. Only that this arrangement might disturb his comfy set-up.

Congratulations on the promotion.

Curious - why does he do so little now? He should be doing half regardless of if you take the promotion or not.

I am not career driven, I would not want to be in relationship with someone who is. I value time over more money. This is heavily driven by my experience as a child where both parents put work first. My parents were separated and my Dad had the high flying career and as such i hardly saw him (about 30 hours eow), we weren't allowed to disturb him / spent a lot of time outside pubs whilst he relaxed. I once broke my arm and had to go to surgery on my own as everyone was at work...

He can reduce his hours to do more of the caring rest too. You could hire someone but you’ll still be left managing the situation.
I would tell him he can sort the children around his job and you’ll be happy to pay for extra help should he need it.
Congratulations on your new job. 💐