AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

First of all, congratulations. What a wonderful achievement.

It is a tricky one as there’s no chance I’d accept my husband taking a job like this. I am not interested in being a single parent and being away half the week, every week, is way too much for me. That means any time your kids are sick, have a performance or teacher meeting or dentist appointment or anything really - at least half the time there’s only half the parents around. I wouldn’t sign up for that if my kids were the age of yours.

My husband travels for work for around a week every couple of months and it’s still rubbish every single time and mine are older now.

What would your plan be for this? Live in nanny? Babysitter? I think it’s worth presenting a solution instead of expecting this to be joyous news for everyone.

To be clear I think his attitude sucks and he isn’t pulling his weight, but this would be a massive life change and I can see why his first instinct wouldn’t be great. He really, really needs to congratulate you and work on a plan together. But if you announced it with the expectation it was an easy yes that’s not fair either.

Not quite at these levels, but I've always been the main wage earner in our relationship due to the sector I work in. DH reduced his hours when the kids were small as the paycut/career impact was much lower for him than it would have been for me. Now the kids are older (early teens) things are much easier as the kids are more independent, but the stress was worth it as we're in a much better position financially than we would have been if I'd stayed in the same role and DH worked fulltime.... FWIW, DH still works 80% time, so he has a day where he can do tons of stuff for the kids and us - shopping, errands, etc.

Don't forget that kids get more expensive as they get older.... I'd be definitely wanting to have the extra income as a buffer/extra security as they get older. Your DH is being totally unreasonable.

Also - why have dc if you are incapable of/don’t want to sorting their breakfast out 2 days a week in return for a luxury life on someone else’s dime?

You would have to be stark raving bonkers, whether you were male or female, to object to your spouse being away 2 nights a week, in return for £200k in to the family pot, whilst they do most of the childcare anyway, so that you can do your dream low paid job.

If you were a man, no one would have a problem with this.

Congratulations on getting this role, this seniority and on your ambition. He either sucks it up or he leaves. You might be better off emotionally if he does that.

Congratulations 🎊 don't miss this opportunity 💐

I've only heard of this the other way round, as in the man getting a dream job and then saying it's ok for his wife to pick up the slack, or leave the kids with a nanny.
It really should be the same whichever way round it is-man or woman.

I haven’t read the full thread, but it sounds like he doesn’t want to pull his weight. Your description of the mornings is really Not On. Men are perfectly capable of doing childcare, and children aren’t harmed by their mother to always being around as long as someone kind Is there to look after them.
congratulations OP and go for it!

Congratulations on your job offer.

You are not being unreasonable to be angry. It is not too much to ask he get his own children ready in the morning, and put them to bed twice a week. He is able to have a job he loves with the hours he needs because you are currently doing so much at home. It is only fair you have the chance to take a job you love. Yes, it may be less convenient (particularly for him), but that is surely less problematic than you being forced to turn down your dream job.

If you turn down the job, how will you feel in a year's time stuck in the same role, doing everything you are currently doing at home, watching him lying in bed, then grabbing a coffee and heading off to the job he loves? From what you've said, this isn't just a job, it's a unique opportunity to advance your career. You mention your slight resentment now, what would happen to your relationship if he denies you this opportunity (or tries to)? Do you think he realises this?

By making it about the money (deliberately or otherwise), he doesn't have to address the issues about you having a dream job like he does, or the current imbalance in domestic duties.

And whatever he feels about the job, surely he can at least congratulate you on your achievement.

If your husband has done even basic military training, he should be shit hot at keeping a living space clean and laundry. He’s taking the piss, verging into CL territory.

Male here, if that makes a difference.

Take the job.

I'm not sure this is 100% true. Lots of women would have issues with a husband who was away a couple of nights a week. It's one of those things that you can only sit down together and decide as a couple/family. I think we can be a bit quick to go 'men do x all the time and no one cares' when actually we just aren't always privy to the discussions that go on to make these decisions in each family.

Go for it! If you dont tell him he has to do more childcare, should not all be on you.

But its ok for her to solo parent 7 days a week. You sound as selfish and lazy as OPs husband.

Why are you with him?

He doesn't pull his weight, he doesn't support you in your dreams. There is no reason why you should not take this job.

Pick up the slack?!!! I think you mean actually do some fucking parenting rather than staying in bed every morning. Jesus christ the bar for men is on the ground. Do you think he had a nice little chat with OP to let her know he wouldn't be doing any cooking, cleaning and childcare or be the breadwinner, or did OP just have to pick up the slack like most women do?

This. He sounds like a selfish loser

FWIW, re my above post, DH was in a creative job he loved but that wasn’t setting the world alight when I took my ‘big job’ …15 years later he is making the bigger money almost by accident and is currently working abroad for a month, while I am working from home freelance (and have been dealing with a teen doing A Levels and a house renovation on my own!).

Life changes, you never know what’s around the corner…take the opportunities when they come and tell your DH a good, long marriage means supporting each other in that.

Take the job.

sit the H down and tell him that you are disappointed that he forgot to congratulate you on your promotion, that he’s not supporting you in all the effort you’ve put in to getting to where you want to be, while all along enabling HIM to do a job HE LOVES. It’s a bit more parenting “work” that he’s going to pick up, but the load isn’t equal as it is, and it needs to be a team effort.

the money you make enables the whole family set up and this increase will be life changing. For the better.

inform him that you’re taking the job, because it’s the chance you have to reach the level you always wanted to reach, and you want to make it work because you’ve worked so hard to get there. He’ll get used to it.

if you don’t take this job love, you’ll resent him, and that my dear is terminal cancer in a marriage.

Congratulations!

Take the promotion and figure it out afterwards!

I got my ‘dream’ high octane job when my DCs were 2 and 5 yrs. DH took over the school and nursery run as he had flexibility in his work (self employed) and was the main carer when I travelled for work. We got a cleaner and at one point had a nanny.

I was only in the role for 2 years and ended up in a more flexible job off the back of it. You might not get this opportunity again and nothing is forever - this is one stage in your lives, one step forward in your career and it will have huge benefits for your future and your family’s finances. Cant he see the bigger picture? I hope he can get his head straight.

I would take the job and get a divorce. Win, win.

Why does your DH think he is in a position to forbid you to do anything, you are married with children but it is still your life. Your husband has decided to stay in a low paying role because he likes it without asking your permission.
Why bis your husband's happiness so much more important than yours?

Nope because the men who take the promotion also do extremely long hours, work weekends etc

Which is not the case of tge OP who wfh 2 days a week, can still do school runs and is still expecting to do the cooking, washing etc…that the men you’re referring to do NOT do.
Theyd argue instead that their job pays for the cleaner so what else has the wife left to do? Well the whole mental load to,start with that tge OP’s dh doesn’t agd will nit carry anyway.

And the wife would be on here complaining about his job and everyone would be accusing him of opting out of family life. It’s a woman getting the promotion though so that is absolutely fine…

Well done! I would be fuming too. Go for it!