AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

Good luck with your new job. It sounds like your DH has his life exactly as he wants it. Does the job he wants whilst you’re working and managing everything child related.

Exactly this, he wasn't sorting anything. All OP is asking is for him to pull his weight, that's all.

I'm glad you're going for the new job, OP. Your husband must surely be aware that being asked to do before and after school stuff two or three days a week is really not an imposition and he's bloody lucky to have got away so long with not doing it. Who knows, he might actually enjoy getting more involved in his children's daily lives.

If he's so childish that he won't contemplate it, you may have to give serious consideration to splitting up and letting him manage on his own. You may find that a nanny is more useful to you anyway.

Men think you can't live without them. Until you realise you've been living without them for years. And in fact, is one less child to manage.

Congratulations OP!

I've just re-read all your posts. The bit that jumped out at me - he "doesn't do" early mornings or night waking.

Wtf?!

How did it come about that he can opt out of those parts of parenting!

You get up early to get everything ready, then get the kids up and dressed, and take them to school. Meanwhile he sleeps in, rolls out of bed, has a coffee, and leaves for work ...

That's just not fair.

You also do all baths/bedtimes, and most of the cooking...

No wonder he didn't want you to take this promotion, he's really had an easy ride. He sounds selfish and, in many ways, lazy. "He will only cook beige freezer food, very occasionally ".

He sounds like a 'Disney Dad', happy to take them to the park and play with them, but not interested in the daily grind of routine parenting.

Well, he's just going to have to step up, isn't he.

Or not.
And you go your separate ways. You could easily afford childcare if you had to.

Honestly, he really hasn't been pulling his weight. He needs to be supportive of you to allow you to make the most of this opportunity, which will benefit all of the family, as well as giving you great job satisfaction (which he also enjoys).

If you had to choose between your marriage and this job, which would you choose?

Congratulations OP. You deserve all the good things.

I have no doubt in your ability to make this work for you and the DC

Congratulations.

I think your DH is living in cloud cuckoo land.

He enjoys the luxury of a low paid, inflexibly in he loves, has the benefits of childcare, a cleaner and a gardener and still winges about the part he has to play - which is basically just parenting his own kids.

It looks like this may head for divorce and he'll want half of everything. Might be worth settimg up trusts for your children and seeing if you can get deferred bonuses etc.

Even if you don't think it will come to that, it's still worth planning for it.

Congratulations OP- you’ll regret it if you don’t take it. Your husband is a selfish arse. Most men are sadly. Make sure you have your finances sorted in the event of a potential split (he’ll very likely sabotage your attempts to succeed. Ask me how I know…).

Amazing news, so so pleased for you! Wishing you all the success in your new role 🥰

Congratulations. You made the right decision. Any other decision you would have regreted and grown the resent him.

However...I think you have a big DH problem and not sure the value he brings to the relationship /family...it might be easier without him...

Congratulations, I am so glad you took the job. Your DH needs to step up - he obviously assumed you would turn it down because that’s what he wanted to keep his own life nice and cushy. Maybe he will need to rethink his job?

Congratulations @Bigjob1234 !! 🎉🎉

Enjoy the new job and the new challenges :):)

Congratulations! If your marriage doesn't survive that's on him not you. And this promotion will give you the best chance to be financially independent from him if necessary.

Well done. Hope it goes well. Keep us updated.

So pleased for you @Bigjob1234. Absolutely the right decision.

Really pleased to read this.

He's in a low paid job he loves with a family & a decent lifestyle because of you Op.

He needs to step up & get involved with the kids he presumably wanted.

It's not or shouldn't be a big ask!

Yes! All of this!! Congratulations on the job. So pleased you’ve taken it.

Well done! This is the best of MN!

Congratulations! I'm so glad you took the job. If it was the other way around it wouldn't even have been a question I bet!

This.

Congratulations OP.. I often think if we thought through everything single thing involved in having children... or setting up a home.. we'd be daunted , but we do it anyway and find a way to make it work

I'm sure you will find a way to make it work too.. Congratulations and well done on not being held back

Brilliant - what great news. You are such a good role model for your children.
Hopefully your DH will step up and support you all.
Keep us updated!

This doesn’t sound like the positive update it should be!
Does this mean the discussion didn’t go well and your marriage is now in peril?
How do you feel about that?!

Really happy you have taken the job.

It's the right thing for you

Congratulations

You will work out the rest in time. He either steps up as a partner and a father or not. You are ready for whatever comes.

Good luck.

Congratulations OP! I was lurking and hoped that you'd take the job.

FWIW, my mum took maternity leave, worked part time around school etc., and decided at some point in her thirties that she needed more. She retrained when my sibling and I were in primary school and got a full time, high-engagement, high-stress job with a huge learning curve. I am still inordinately proud of her and I am now in my 40s.

It worked because my dad was 100% behind her. He also worked shifts so was (as I remember it) often present in the daytime and during the holidays. Sometimes we were with a childminder or our parents shared school drop offs/pick ups with other families, but I distinctly remember BOTH parents making breakfast/dinner, doing bedtime, going to parents' evening and taking us to doctor's appointments/swimming club/dance class/etc.

There is no valid reason why your DH should not share the load for his children.

But so far OP has both been the biggest earner and done the lion's share of the parenting so I'm not sure it's a bad thing if he has to step up more