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AIBU?

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AIBU to cancel after my son was excluded from the after-party?

386 replies

Snowdrops99 · 01/07/2026 21:54

DS 7 is due to go to a birthday party this weekend at a location around a 30 minute drive away, similar party to laser tag with activity then party food and cake. They've invited 9 boys and 5 girls from the class. The boys play together at school but I wouldn't say any of them are particularly close.

Anyway, it turns out there's an after party back at the birthday boys house, with 5 of the 8 boys invited to play video games and eat pizza. DS hasn't been invited to this part of the party. I know he'll be so upset when he finds out as he loves those activities. He'd choose doing that over laser tag I think. I'm thinking of withdrawing him from the party as we have relatives visiting anyway. That way I can take the blame and he doesn't feel his peers have left him out.

Aibu to cancel him going to the party to avoid him feeling completely left out?

Backstory - DS been dealing with some bullying issues from one of the boys in this group of 5 and his self esteem is already pretty low. I worry this could make things even worse for him.
In addition, I know that one of the 3 who are excluded have been unkind to the birthday boy at times recently so that feels like this boy is being excluded deliberately. My DS is quieter than the other boys so not the first on everyone's list to be invited to things.

OP posts:
Pickledonions12 · 01/07/2026 22:00

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 01/07/2026 21:59

My DS is quieter than the other boys so not the first on everyone's list to be invited to things.
And yet he's been invited and you want to pull out.

This

Stop seeing problems when there are positives

Backawayfromthesausage · 01/07/2026 22:00

Gardenisablooming · 01/07/2026 21:58

That's quite shoddy from the dps..

Is the way this is written confusing people. Why is it shoddy.

14 kids at main party, 5 at home, there is nothing shoddy about that,

miniaturepixieonacid · 01/07/2026 22:00

I don't think that counts as exclusion, personally. If it was the whole party bar 2 or 3, or all the boys bar your son then that would be different. But this seems more like all the children he likes being invited to the party and his closer friends having a playdate afterwards. I'd still let your son go and enjoy the laser tag. He may not even realise there's more later and, if he does, there are more children not going than going.

familyissues12345 · 01/07/2026 21:59

We had similar with DS2 years ago, except he was the only child not invited, we made excuses for him to not attend.

Backawayfromthesausage · 01/07/2026 21:59

I think it’s fine op, stop splitting by gender, 14 kids are at the main party, 5 invited back to the house, they will not be able to take many more. As such 9 kids are not invited, your kid being one,

you can’t expect him to be invited to everything , I’m sorry he’s being bullied but this is part of growing up you need to explain this to them, the boy is entitled to have just a close group at home,

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 01/07/2026 21:59

My DS is quieter than the other boys so not the first on everyone's list to be invited to things.
And yet he's been invited and you want to pull out.

DandelionClockSeeds · 01/07/2026 21:58

So, instead of missing out on one nice thing, he's going to miss out on 2?
And have to listen to it all at school anyway.
Id go to the "laser tag" bit.

Gardenisablooming · 01/07/2026 21:58

That's quite shoddy from the dps..

TeaAndToastx2 · 01/07/2026 21:58

Could it be that the parents of the birthday child are friends with the parents of these boys? So it’s more like a casual get together with the adults to extend the party? It seems strange to have a presumably expensive party for 15 children and then another one at home straight after!

Chuzzle · 01/07/2026 21:58

Maybe there's only room for 6?

HoraceCope · 01/07/2026 21:56

Teach him resilience, he will be fine

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