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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get a pet without asking DH?

298 replies

ThisAmpleCritic · 01/07/2026 13:31

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

OP posts:
Megifer · 01/07/2026 14:20

Friendsinahighplace · 01/07/2026 14:00

He stopped Tbf he liked to think he could throw his weight around and have the final say in whatever he pleased, no discussion allowed and no rationale and I'd had enough of it. because you got some gerbils?

Yep.

pizzaHeart · 01/07/2026 14:20

Taking a pet is always a commitment and affects everyone in house so you need DH to be happy about it too.

P.S. your kitten could be a non affectionate type, there is no guarantee. Could you settle for snuggles with DH?

Spidey66 · 01/07/2026 14:19

No, everyone has to be on board.

Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2026 14:19

Tableforjoan · 01/07/2026 14:10

Isn’t that really the same as why does your yes out rank his no?

Which is the exactly reason it should be a two yes kinda thing.

Show quote history

No, because I don’t expect him to pay or do any of the upkeep. I do all care, pay for everything, organise sitters etc. He doesn’t need to get involved at all if he doesn’t want to. He does though, because like I said, he loves them all in the end.

MyKindHiker · 01/07/2026 14:16

I did. Kitten. He was not happy. But he came round. Who couldn’t love a lovely furry ball of fluff.

Now i feel bad but sorry not sorry. I knew he’d say no. And i look after it.

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 01/07/2026 14:15

He would still be affected by this pet. Every time you want to go away or even out for a long time. Holidays, weddings, funerals, visiting family, weekends away.
I have said no to another pet - we have a different lifestyle now and he is barely at home. I am not spending the next few years cleaning up dog sh*t from my garden.

Chatot · 01/07/2026 14:14

Please don't get a goldfish unless you've got a 180 litre tank or a pond. There's lots of tropical fish that are better suited to have at home. Sorry I know that's not the point of the thread. As you were.

Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2026 14:13

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No. As much as I love my dogs, I am aware they are nothing like having children.

BackToLurk · 01/07/2026 14:12

Do you have a local cat rescue? Ask if they need volunteers. All the snuggles, none of the arguments.

Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2026 14:12

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Absolutely. Long term and very happy. It is the one thing I will not compromise on.

user1471538275 · 01/07/2026 14:11

Absolutely no way.

I would not be living in the same house as some animal that my other half had randomly decided to buy.

There is no getting away from a pet - it will be everywhere, costing money, demanding attention, needing care.

Friendsinahighplace · 01/07/2026 14:11

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Tableforjoan · 01/07/2026 14:10

Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2026 14:09

I have, quite a few times. I fail to see why his “no” outweighs my “yes” when I am paying for and doing all care for said animals? If he had “told” me to rehome them, I would have said no.
He loves them all in the end.

Isn’t that really the same as why does your yes out rank his no?

Which is the exactly reason it should be a two yes kinda thing.

Friendsinahighplace · 01/07/2026 14:10

This reply has been deleted

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Buildingthefuture · 01/07/2026 14:09

I have, quite a few times. I fail to see why his “no” outweighs my “yes” when I am paying for and doing all care for said animals? If he had “told” me to rehome them, I would have said no.
He loves them all in the end.

RedRock41 · 01/07/2026 14:09

You want a pet. He doesn’t so you’ll go ahead and say TA-DA 🪄 ?

Shi**y thing to do and incredibly selfish. If you need pet therapy volunteer at a local sanctuary or help an older person walk their dog.

Mydogisblackandwhite · 01/07/2026 14:08

No no no, I'd go bonkers if my hubby did that and he'd do the same

Bigtrapeze · 01/07/2026 14:08

No. You wouldn't actually do that, would you?

luckylavender · 01/07/2026 14:07

That would be the end of our marriage if my husband did that

Stompythedinosaur · 01/07/2026 14:01

I think that would be both disrespectful to your partner, to ignore your wishes above theirs in a shared house, and cruel to the pet, who may not get to stay.

Friendsinahighplace · 01/07/2026 14:00

He stopped Tbf he liked to think he could throw his weight around and have the final say in whatever he pleased, no discussion allowed and no rationale and I'd had enough of it. because you got some gerbils?

Megifer · 01/07/2026 13:58

Friendsinahighplace · 01/07/2026 13:53

Are you still with him??

Show quote history

Yea, hes still a bit of a prick with other things at times but hes never tried to shut down discussions or think he can just say no to things outright with no reason at all since the gerbil incident so he did learn from it (I wasn't expecting it to work tbh 😂)

grumpygrape · 01/07/2026 13:58

WallaceinAnderland · 01/07/2026 13:45

You don't get a kitten. You get a cat. And they are the least likely to be 'support' animals because it depends on their nature which you can't control. Some don't even like to be touched much.

Not always.

We have two cats who sense my mood and give huge amounts of love.
Some people will be 'grossed out: by this but the female cat licks the tears off my face when I cry. Yes, I know some of it is about getting salt but it's more about love/empathy.

However, pets should be agreed. Have you seen the number of threads where women are supported when they complain their partners have got pets they didn't agree to ?

AnonyMumAuDHD · 01/07/2026 13:55

NetballHoop · 01/07/2026 13:32

No. You can't get a pet without it being agreed to by both of you.

Edited

No. Both parties have to want it and be engaged in its care, I’m afraid. The costs alone, as well as the need to arrange sitters/kennels on holidays, the lack of sponteniety because of needing to ensure they are looked after. It can really grate on a relationship, especially one where there is an underlying issue or one party is not in a good place and wants the dog for personal therapy/comfort.

That said I have acquired a dog three times without my DH’s express approval and, well, there is no bond as strong nor a love so pure as that of the man for then dog he never wanted. We have two spaniels currently and my DH adores them - but I always knew he loved animals, secretly rather yearned for one [otherwise he would have absolutely vetoed getting one, and he kind of dithered and blustered], and his objections were practical rather than ‘not wanting a dog’. Plus we have a great relationship so Poopers 1, 2 and 3 were not about trying to fix a lack in our relationship. I would not have got one without a minimum 99% certainty that he would love them.

It would have served me right if he had told me to rehome them though.

ETA sorry @NetballHoop I didn’t mean to quote you!!

Friendsinahighplace · 01/07/2026 13:53

Megifer · 01/07/2026 13:52

Tbf he liked to think he could throw his weight around and have the final say in whatever he pleased, no discussion allowed and no rationale and I'd had enough of it.

Since Gerbil-gate hes learned his lesson that he doesnt get to pull the "man said no" card.

Some woman try and discuss shit behaviour like this, some just put up with it, what van i say - I get gerbils with not a single fuck given 😂

Are you still with him??

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