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AIBU?

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Original poster

Affair or not

30 replies

ohh · 01/07/2026 13:07

My sisters husband has been messaging a lady saying she is beautiful and they have obviously been manipulated as elderly and the ‘ lady’ asked for money for a dress as in my body would look good in this.

He has paid so far £609 to her and they have in the past been friends. Not very close just knew each other sane circles etc.

aware she kissed him only.

I said he is having an affair or trying to.

sister said not

am I being unreasonable?

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Walker1178 · 03/07/2026 19:20

I think it’s irrelevant what you label it as. For me it would cross a boundary and I wouldn’t stay with him. If your sister thinks it is ok let her crack on, hopefully she’ll see the light before it’s too late

Glitchymn1 · 03/07/2026 18:45

Well what else is it? I’d call it an affair, he’s being very foolish and she’s a gold digger by the sounds of it. Tale as old as time.

Buddhalover · 03/07/2026 18:41

Oh dear, something definitely not right here! Could be due to his medication OR he's looking for a last fling! The lady he is lavishing money/gifts on, is taking advantage of him I would say!

QueenietheGreat · 03/07/2026 17:47

@ohh
Your sister is living on the banks of 'de nile' she is.
When was the last time he lavished money on/complimented her then??

JJMama · 02/07/2026 18:01

Given the age could be start of dementia

Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 17:33

Drinks a lot as well

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Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 17:33

Apixiban

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Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 17:33

Silver birch - heart medication candestartan.bisoprolol and spicing from memory

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Silverbirchleaf · 01/07/2026 17:31

Is he taking any meds for Parkinson or other conditions(can’t remember which conditions)? There’s been reports that perfectly normal people have become sex addicts, gamblers etc as a result if these drugs, a real personality change.

Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 16:56

Mistress of darkness I think you might be on to something as he used to be so kind and loving to wife
very out of character apart from the sex issue as they are still doing this together. My sister used to say they had a very wild sex life . I wonder if this is the start of fad dementia

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NoSausage · 01/07/2026 16:14

This is firmly 👏Not 👏Your 👏 Circus.

If your sister isn't testing ideas with you then you don't volunteer your views. Be a reflective sounding board, nothing more, or you'll fall out with your sister.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 01/07/2026 16:09

I know people don't like the question, but is there anything else going on in terms of behaviour changes? I only ask because my DMIL (sadly departed) had a sudden and out of character fling, although she was single tbf, she was in her late 60s and in retrospect, as she very rapidly developed aggressive mixed dementia / Alzheimers over the next few years, it was incredibly out of character as she was quite "proper" after retirement.

If this chap has form, then it might just be his character, but if it's really out of the blue, then some deeper digging might be in order, especially due to the financial aspect and the age of the recipient....

Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 15:48

Major factor the woman he messaged is at my best guess 28

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Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 15:44

71 and she is 64

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Coconutter24 · 01/07/2026 15:30

How elderly is your sisters DH?

wishingonastar101 · 01/07/2026 15:15

Seems totally fine.

Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 14:47

That’s what I said . Does not matter they have been to pages lack of respect

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HRTQueen · 01/07/2026 14:37

If it is not an affair he certainly wants it to be

no fool like an old fool

your sister knows she just doesn't want to accept what is happening

LBFseBrom · 01/07/2026 14:36

For what was he paying her so much money?

JoaNiic · 01/07/2026 14:32

ohh · 01/07/2026 14:30

That’s what I said . Think it’s worst being emotionally invested affair . I don’t think just because they may not of slept together it’s still classed as an affair

It’s classed as an emotional affair with a gullibility factor and financial weirdness.

PenelopeJoanSterling · 01/07/2026 14:31

its either an invested friendship or at least emotional affair

Original poster
ohh · 01/07/2026 14:30

That’s what I said . Think it’s worst being emotionally invested affair . I don’t think just because they may not of slept together it’s still classed as an affair

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outerspacepotato · 01/07/2026 14:23

He's a sugar daddy to a woman that's not his wife.

Skybluepinky · 01/07/2026 14:18

Your sister needs to kick him to the kerb.

JoaNiic · 01/07/2026 14:17

What’s the question, here? Is he having an affair.. is that the question?

on a sliding scale of ‘ she’s a person I’ve met’ being 0, to ‘ she’s my obsession, I need to bang her daily’ being 10, it sounds as though he’s at a 7. Hth.

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