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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think "half your age plus seven" is a massive pile of nonsense?

370 replies

TransportNerd · 01/07/2026 08:07

Mumsnet seems to take a very dim view of age gap relationships, far more so than I think the general population does. I've seen plenty of age gap relationships work just fine.

Every single time they're discussed here, though, someone wheels out the "rule" that you shouldn't date someone younger than half your age plus seven years.

People treat it like it's absolutely set in stone, and that breaking this "rule" is some sort of disgusting taboo. I've even seen someone argue it should be enshrined in law, with penalties for those who break it.

Personally, I've always thought it was complete nonsense. It was simply something in a French novel in the early 1900s. It doesn't really take anything important into account, and ignores the principle that consenting adults can do what they like.

Quite apart from anything else, why is it plus seven? Why not five, eight or ten? I'm sure it's only seven because that's a number that's had mystic significance since ancient times. Not a good basis for making laws!

Anyway:

YABU - yes, it's a rule and shouldn't be broken
YANBU - it's a big pile of nonsense and doesn't mean anything

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 01/07/2026 08:22

I tend to ignore age gaps. If it was my adult children I would rather there was a 20 year age gap and they were happy and being treated with respect than with someone their own age who was abusive or a drug addict etc.

pastadish · 01/07/2026 08:21

I’ve not heard of this ‘rule’ before but I thinks it’s just personal preference, however I’m 50 and I don’t want to date someone who is 32 I couldn’t think of what I would have in common with a person that young, someone of that age is more for my daughter of 26

TransportNerd · 01/07/2026 08:21

Ohcrap082024 · 01/07/2026 08:18

As the mother of teens, I think it’s a pretty good rule of thumb. So when my dd was telling me about a 16 year old dating a 13 year old, we used the rule to explain why that’s not appropriate.

16 and 15 is fine. 16 and 13 is not.

Edited

But there's already a law for age of consent, that's well reasoned and sensibly applied. Why use some made up nonsense instead of what's actually properly in place?

OP posts:
SparklesWithSynergy · 01/07/2026 08:21

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 01/07/2026 08:18

Are you the creepy 40 year old who has brainwashed my 19 year old niece? It sounds like something he would say (and she would parrot).

Some age gaps might be legal but some are utterly disgraceful on the part of the older individual and an abuse of power and influence.

But even if they were that person, if the older is 40 the minimum age with half plus 7 is 27 not 19.

We've had this for years where I live. Its not a hard and fast rule, but I think it's good for a rough idea

BirdLandedonmyHead · 01/07/2026 08:20

I have a few older relatives who were happy with guys 10+ years older when they were in their 30s-50s...struggling now thy are 60s/early 70s with partners who are slowing down just as they are starting to enjoy retirement. Age gaps matter differently at different ages.

DisappearingGirl · 01/07/2026 08:20

I mean it's not a precise rule or anything but I think it works pretty well

Screamingabdabz · 01/07/2026 08:20

Never heard that expression but I certainly would get into a froth about it if I thought my relationship didn’t fit the formula but was right for me. Age gap relationships are a bit weird though.

TransportNerd · 01/07/2026 08:19

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 01/07/2026 08:18

Are you the creepy 40 year old who has brainwashed my 19 year old niece? It sounds like something he would say (and she would parrot).

Some age gaps might be legal but some are utterly disgraceful on the part of the older individual and an abuse of power and influence.

No, I've been married to someone my own age for nearly 30 years.

OP posts:
Ohcrap082024 · 01/07/2026 08:18

As the mother of teens, I think it’s a pretty good rule of thumb. So when my dd was telling me about a 16 year old dating a 13 year old, we used the rule to explain why that’s not appropriate.

16 and 15 is fine. 16 and 13 is not.

TransportNerd · 01/07/2026 08:18

DarkForces · 01/07/2026 08:18

I think most mumsnet rules are safely ignored. Life would be very dull and toilet brush manufacturers would be broke if we all followed them

😂

Won't somebody PLEASE think of the toilet brush makers?

OP posts:
DandelionClockSeeds · 01/07/2026 08:18

There is an age gap relationship at work that "fails" the half your age plus 7 suggestion. And, yes, its a bit ick.
He has kids older than her....

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 01/07/2026 08:18

Are you the creepy 40 year old who has brainwashed my 19 year old niece? It sounds like something he would say (and she would parrot).

Some age gaps might be legal but some are utterly disgraceful on the part of the older individual and an abuse of power and influence.

WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain · 01/07/2026 08:18

TransportNerd · 01/07/2026 08:17

I think that's quite patronising to the many sorted and mature twenty-somethings out there.

You're entitled to think what you like.

As am I.

DarkForces · 01/07/2026 08:18

I think most mumsnet rules are safely ignored. Life would be very dull and toilet brush manufacturers would be broke if we all followed them

TransportNerd · 01/07/2026 08:17

WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain · 01/07/2026 08:16

Age gaps when one is under the age of 30 and one is over is very different from both being over 30 imo.

I think that's quite patronising to the many sorted and mature twenty-somethings out there.

OP posts:
WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain · 01/07/2026 08:16

Age gaps when one is under the age of 30 and one is over is very different from both being over 30 imo.

TransportNerd · 01/07/2026 08:15

Moros · 01/07/2026 08:14

It's neither an unbreakable rule nor a big pile of nonsense. It's a rough guide. While age gap relationships can work, more often there's an underlying power/control imbalance that is troubling. This goes double where it's a woman under 25 and a man substantially older.

But there's been a recent thread on here with an older woman and younger man, and people hated that as well.

OP posts:
Dizzydrizzy · 01/07/2026 08:15

Never heard that before and I’ve been on here over 20 years. Date who you like.

Moros · 01/07/2026 08:14

It's neither an unbreakable rule nor a big pile of nonsense. It's a rough guide. While age gap relationships can work, more often there's an underlying power/control imbalance that is troubling. This goes double where it's a woman under 25 and a man substantially older.

Didimum · 01/07/2026 08:13

I only ever heard people refer to it casually, and never heard it taken seriously. And of course we’re aware there are no hard and fast rules in it.

I have to say though, the maths has always aligned with how I tend to feel internally about age gaps. Though gets less palatable the older you go – 60 and 37 begins to sound a bit off.

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