To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

Oh dear, you nearly sounded reasonable there but had to lower yourself to calling a normal query about boundary crossing prudish.

Shame.

Pretty sure I also showed my sister’s kids (which I know are blood relations before you point that out). Doesn’t bother me. Kids are curious and it’s just how the human body works, nothing to get excited about. Others may be more prudish - each to their own!

Well, you know my child has seen our cat lick her own bum but I hated it when he walked in on me doing the same. I did say to him “welcome to mammaldom” but I don’t think that helped.

I reckon humans are fairly different from cows and there are some things we don’t do in front of our nieces and nephews. Milking ourselves being one of them.

Squirt at a 4 year old? Is that what happened? Or did she just let some into her hand or something?

FWIW, my mum did - let milk into the palm of her hand, and even let us taste it (cue squeals of horror on thread). Educational ... though I'd have a few qualms about the tasting, if not your own child or with prior permission.

Let's hope the kid doesn't get taken on a trip to the farm to see the cows getting milked eh @dodomin - I suppose you'd see that as akin to bestiality. Welcome to mammaldom!

It wouldn't be great, and there is always a bigger element of risk with men for obvious reasons, but yes it's a reasonable comparison. It's either a simple biological function or it's not, can't have it both ways.

OK, maybe I'm going out on a limb here but I don't think that's terrible either. She's walked in on an uncle in the middle of a pee. Awkward - but if she asks what he's doing, she clearly hasn't yet learned that men/boys have penises and pee out of them. So it would be appropriate to explain.

Inappropriate to make a big deal out of it, but neither scenario portrays a big deal. No need to do the "Look ..." thing because she can already see what's happening. He should then inform her it's private and ask her to leave the room.

I think it's quite useful for a kid to see what comes out of a lactating nipple. Apart from anything else, leaks happen and the child who knows about it won't be freaked out.

Fortunately, those pointing out it is a boundary crossing issue have not gone bonkers at all.

Some are utterly fixated on the idea of it being sexual, but they are the ones screaming abuse at anyone factually and calmly pointing out that squirting milk from your nipple at a 4 year old child when his parents aren't present crossed a boundary.

One of them is so titillated (their own projection) about the notion and desperate to introduce a sexual element they tried abusively gaslighting me.

Hope this helps.

I do think those going bonkers on the thread shouting about how it’s natural and not sexual are the ones with an issue. I absolutely agree it’s natural, wonderful, not sexual. How that follows on to unlatching baby for your nephew to watch you squeeze milk out… I don’t get it.

I think most people (a Mumsnet vote on AIBU is so incredibly unrepresentative of reality, it’s meaningless) would know instantly that this is something you simply don’t do. A very easy thought experiment to help decide if it’s normal and acceptable to do what SIL has done, consider: have you ever, in your whole life, seen someone do the same?

I remember many occasions of little children asking me what I was doing when I was breastfeeding. I replied “I’m feeding my baby, this is how he gets his milk”. And that was the end of it. Further questions were for their parents. I’ve seen other children including my child at 3 and 4 asking the same question of breastfeeding friends. They all
answered similarly. Not once did anyone take their baby off to demonstrate.

I am with you too OP. Weird to squirt milk out at a 4 year old.

He was curious about what SIL was doing and now he knows how breastfeeding works because she expressed a little milk. What's the big deal?

Right. Anyone saying it was boundary crossing is having strange comments about sex shouted at them. It's such a bizarre over reaction and honestly disturbing.

So OP, yes it was boundary crossing, obviously.

Look out for her crossing other boundaries and of course you're in the right to think it was too much.

That has to be the most stupid comparison I’ve ever heard !.
You’re making way too big a deal about this .
She’s all loved up with her new baby , leave her alone .
She showed your son where, & how the baby gets the milk , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️ , he’s 4 ,not a teenager where she gave him feelings of embarrassment.

Creepy projection. What a weird, repellent and unacceptable post.

Reported.

I’m a huge BF advocate, but thinking about doing that with my 4 yo nephew? Nah. Not unless I’d discussed with his parents and they were ok with it. What a discussion though!
Happy for him to see me BF and see my breasts as I latch baby on and off as part of the process, but not actively demonstrate.

She sounds like an odd duck OP. I imagine this is only one example of many with her

Given he walked in on her, it sounds like she wanted to make sure he understood what was happening. There's no rulebook on what to say when kids see things or ask questions, and if you're not comfortable with her being in proximity to him as you've suggested, why was he there and in a situation where he is on his own with her? To be frank if she's a new mum there's plenty of things he could have walked in on that could have been a bit awkward! What if she'd been changing a nappy and he'd started asking questions about body parts?

For me it’s nothing to do with sex. That doesn’t enter my mind at all. I openly breastfed my child and have no issues with it whatsoever. I do think OP’s SIL was very odd indeed to unlatch her baby and squeeze her nipple for OP’s son to watch.

That was completely unnecessary. I would simply ignore the voicenote if I were you. Or send her a thumbs up in response. Honestly I think she is hoping for you to react so she can get into a "omg it is a perfectly natural function what are you like" conversation with you. Don't respond.

Wow, that’s awful for you to go through. Times definitely have changed. I was very much a “whip the boobs out whenever” kind of mum (child is now 5) and never had anyone so much as bat an eyelid at me when I was feeding my son anywhere and everywhere. I never tried to hide it.

I still agree with OP that her SIL overstepped a boundary. Is it the end of the world? No. But it’s not appropriate. All she needed to say was that she was breastfeeding her baby, and baby gets milk this way. Unlatching baby to squeeze milk out of her nipple for the child to watch is not appropriate.

The arguing on this thread about cucumbers being sexual, and comments like the OP’s son with think the baby is “feeding on her flesh” if SIL hadn’t squeezed her nipple for him are absolutely batshit. Mumsnet at its finest. It’s a completely rational thing to think SIL overstepped a boundary and did something many would consider odd, even those of us who very openly breastfeed and have no problems with it.

I see your point to an extent but honestly I think it’s fine at 4. Clearly not at 14, but for a small child curious with no sexual feelings, I think it’s fine.in fact good for them to know.

you need to remember you see breasts as sexual as you’re a grown up, 4 year olds don’t see this, what they see is no different to seeing a cow getting milked.

Totally unnecessary. You have every right to feel pissed off .

You’re not being at all ridiculous. I have years of breastfeeding experience. I obviously fed younger siblings around the older ones. It
would never have occurred to me to give a close up nipple squeeze demo to my own child let alone someone else’s. I am no prude. It’s crossing a boundary and not her place to do so. She knows that hence the voice note. Not okay. Too intimate. Ick. If, for example, your child’s nursery teacher did that for “educational purposes” it would be a massive safe-guarding concern. Not okay.

SIL is out of order