To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

I don’t think it was outrageously bizarre, but I think she should have had the sense to realize that not every parent would be okay with that, and not done it.

She sounds like a pain in the arse .

The only one making this a big deal is you maybe your the weird one there's nothing wrong with what she did sounds like you just want a reason to start a argument 😂😂😂😂

@dodomin, after reading the whole thread I see that you have had conflict with your SIL in many areas, so I understand this is just the last straw for you and your DH.

I just wanted to reassure you, as a midwife, that this interaction is not going to affect your DS negatively in any way. In fact it may be very positive if, in the future, he chooses to have children. When I talk about breastfeeding with couples, especially firest-time mums, I explain that one of the reasons we now struggle so much with breastfeeding is that we don't grow up seeing women openly breastfeed anymore. As children we're not allowed to look and ask questions, because it is considered "rude". I recommend couples to let their children, both boys and girls, see women breastfeed (as long as the woman is ok with it, of course), stare, point and ask questions, and this helps fixate in their mind how a newborn baby is fed. In humans, breastfeeding is not instinctive, but a learned social skill. A person who has watched it in infancy/childhood will find breatfeeding, or supporting a woman to breastfeed, much easier and more natural than someone who has never seen it, or feels uncomfortable thinking of a feeding breast.

This is no way intends to undermine your feelings of discomfort, which come from the right place.

He asked SIL a question, she answered, all matter of fact. He’s 4 years old and probably moved on to other things. You are the one who is weirded out, not him. Time to move on, too.

Honestly, sounds like the best solution. She's barely in your life, hardly knows your son, has already overstepped this and other boundaries, I'd just quietly shelve her and have as little to do with her as possible.

I can guarantee your 4yr old won’t be thinking as much about this as you are and he also is not likely to even remember it when he’s older anyway! I wonder if you’d feel differently if it was a daughter and not a son? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh, are you being sarcastic? Hard to tell with MN 🤔

SIL knows a boundary has been crossed, which is why she messaged. Explaining the mammal function of feeding an infant to a young child is one thing. I know many an adult who would feel an intimacy boundary had been crossed by a one-to-one demo, and we can be all nonchalant about it but it’s a step too far to demonstrate to a very young child not in her own immediate family unit.

Well no harm done and I'm sure DS was fascinated but she definitely shouldn't have done it. I would send that exact message OP.

Why don't you consider it a healthy taboo?

Cows don’t have a concept of boundaries and what is and isn’t appropriate, so I don’t tend to take my standards from them. If my sister squeezed milk out of her breast for my child to watch, my first thought wouldn’t be “well, humans milk cows so…” Where is that thought meant to lead? The cows aren’t milking themselves. Hang on sis, let me
milk you for my son to watch so it’s less weird.

Very odd to justify OP’s SIL’s choice to do this by saying her son might see cows milked on a farm. Cows don’t feature in my weighing up whether or not it’s odd behaviour. It’s odd behaviour by human standards.

I don't think its a healthy societal boundary/taboo, but it one, so I do think she was presumptuous in crossing it without parental approval.

She should have stopped at telling your DS this is how I feed my baby. Absolutely no need to then squeeze her nipple to make milk come out.

I'd just leave it, considering the absolute batshit and barmy responses on here shouting about sex, bestiality and more from those who want to pretend it wasn't boundary crossing..

Obviously, OP is right, the sister in law crossed a boundary, as she has barely any relationship with her and the woman barely knows her child, I'd just avoid her as much as possible in future. Far easier than trying to have an adult conversation, given some of the responses on this thread.

Fabulous post. 😂😂😂

this response is killing me 🤭

@Shutthedoorbehindyou that sounds like a good yoga teacher you have. Do you shut your own door when practising these risqué licking moves?

@LeopardPants No, you responded with the attempted shut down "prudish". I am afraid that invalidates your response.

It's fine to have questions as the OP did and it's fine for her to want to make it a boundary that a woman who has barely any relationship with her child doesn't squirt milk from her nipple at her child or in any way try to insert herself into teaching him about the facts of life, sex, breastfeeding etc.

As OP said, quite fairly that he "walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me" she is not prudish and it is wrong and a poor tactic to try to classify her or others who have also agreed it is boundary crossing as such.

If it was ok kids would watch woman squirt out milk on a PowerPoint at school. It’s good to normalize breastfeeding but kids watch lambs feeding and understand the situation without needing a demonstration.

Yes an explanation is fine. Would you be okay if he showed her the urine dripping from his penis or in full flow?
I don’t find OP’s scenario sexual just weird as fuck. Next Aunt will be explaining periods and popping in a tampon, sure it’s normal. 🙄

@dodomin that is an incredibly far fetched attempt at a comparison, a male weeing v baby getting fed. It’s people like you who say you don’t have an issue with the natural way to feed a baby yet get prickly when it happens.

Originally you said that your DS responded yes when asked after his own curiosity as to whether he wanted to see how the baby was fed. Latterly you said your SIL shoved a nipple in his face, two very different scenarios. Which was it and what do you anticipate the potential risk to DS is?

Maybe she didn’t need to go as far as to show him her nipple but he asked a question and she answered honestly and factually. He absolutely understands it now though. He probably hasn’t even been bothered about it since as he completely understands it now. He’s her nephew and very young I wouldn’t worry.

It’s a scale, like most things in life. What I consider to be acceptable (or normal) behaviour, others may not. I might think of them as being more prudish than me. It doesn’t have to be absolute.

And going back to the OP, my kids watched me express milk now I think about it. Don’t see an issue with that either but of course others may think that’s best done behind closed doors 🤷🏻‍♀️

So yeah, she did overstep a boundary, and as she barely knows your child and you have not much of a relationship with her I wouldn't bother trying to explain it to her, just avoid her.

As you can see from this thread she will probably immediately start shouting about sexual things otherwise.