To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

Children cannot enthusiastically consent. A child asking to see or touch an adults, or child's privates (including breasts) is not consent. Children ARE curious and inquisitive. It is adults jobs to teach boundaries. Not rely on children to consent to things they don't yet understand.

You should be grateful that she explained it to him so simply and in a down to earth manner

No that's weird. YANBU were very open with DS, he's just turned 5, we breed animals, he's seen births and mating, he's seen multiple animals fed from their mother, and has seen me breastfeed his little brother many times. But we also teach about your privates and an auntie should not be showing you her nipple or squeezing her tits in front of a child. That is not teaching safe or healthy boundaries.

Breastfeeding is fine, absolutely fine, her behaviour was over the line of normal. I would never show someone else's kid my nipple. You just explain it comes out the same as in a baby bottle.

He is four so he'll be fine.

It was an over step if it offends you, Op.

I do advise that you look for a working dairy farm to visit. Watch the cows or goats being milked and watch young sheep suckling.
Normalise the fact that lactation produces milk.

That could be fun.
Take the whole family, especially if you have teenagers.

I think it’s fine, shows him a healthy side of what breasts are and what they are for.

Did you breatfeed? It's not the same as peeing.

I know people who were still breastfeeding their 4 yr olds.

My nephews were around that age and fascinated and my soul who bottle fed was pinched limped and prudish about me.feeding in her house. The kids though were fascinated. I wouldn't have showed them milk coming out but they were wandering around while I pumped

I always chose to show my children things when they were younger than the point of which they became sexualised
So my kids would turn up in the bathroom as toddlers always do When I was changing a tampon or pad and I wouldn’t hide it. when they would inevitably asked me when I was doing, I would explain in age-appropriate language what menstruation was

They were young enough to be honest the blood probably would’ve freaked them out if they didn’t know it was a normal thing and they listened. They took it on board and moved on and didn’t really think anything else of it but it meant that they grew up understanding menstruation and that it was not shameful. It was normal like going to the toilet was normal.

And I had the same sort of conversation conversations about breastfeeding or childbirth or anything else that happened to come along in life much as the breastfeeding situation did

And because it was just introduced in a manner like your sister-in-law where it was just part of normal life and an age where your son was so young it wasn’t sexualised. It just became a normal accepted aspect of life which is exactly what it should be.

So we didn’t ever have a point where it was ever any awkwardness or the point which we had to discuss something or educate them because they were introduced to things in an age appropriate way before these things became an issue.

And breastfeeding is a very natural nonsexual act of feeding a baby

I think what she did was brilliant and I hope you’ll be able to see how this is the sort of way children grow up with normal things being normalised

Are you still live in communities and large extended families where children would grow up seeing breastfeeding very openly and they didn’t grow up with this weird hyper sexualised view? What breasts were?

Actually, there is no contradiction between considering breasts a private part and showing a child a breast while feeding a baby. We teach children that some parts of our body are private. We also teach them that it is only ok to show or touch any part of the body of a person with the other person's enthusiastic consent. The OP's SIL voluntarily showed OP's DS her breast in a physiological function when he asked about it with genuine curiosity (it would have been very different if any adult had shown her DS a private part unprompted, and in a sexual way, but that was not the case here).

The most important thing here is to respect OP's feelings as the mother of this child. She is uncomfortable not only because of the nature of what happened, but also because this situation happened after repeated breaching of boundaries, so she is right to feel this situation was not handled appropriately by her SIL.

At the same time, this gives the OP a great tool to deal with the situation in a positive, educational way with her DS. She can now, if she chooses, bring up the conversation with her DS, praising him for asking for permission and respecting a breastfeeding mother. This is indeed, excellent behaviour from a 4 year-old, which deserves praise and respect. She can also offer to answer more questions he may have about it, and in this way she can choose what information she gives to her DS and guide him about how to act about this in the future.

She sounds like a typical they/them !

Ffs

I breastfed both my dd’s so completely open about breastfeeding but I still think it’s a bit odd. You can tell a 4 year old what’s happening, it’s not necessary to see it in real time.

Snap @SatsumaDog

Op I extended bf both my dc to age 3 and I wouldn’t have done this and didn’t with my own 3-6 year old in the 3 years when I was bf the younger sibling. I would not have done this with another dc in the family either.

It sounds like something that happened in the moment, maybe due to tiredness and lack of sleep on the part of SIL and probably no harm done. I agree it was a slightly odd thing to do though.

You asked AIBU. Most people think YABU.

Nothing at all wrong with seeing someone breast feed and explaining this to a child. It’s the squeezing of the nipple and asking the child if he wants to see that’s a bit much. A four year old could probably grasp the concept of the baby drinking milk without a close up of a squirting nipple, this is the part that doesn’t sit right.

This. So well expressed.

Oh noooo. Hardly anybody took the breastfeeding rage bait, so you upped the ante with some gender politics. That didn't work so you've broken the glass and pressed the emergency 'party etiquette' button.

Next you'll be telling us she's on weight loss injections and likes Meghan Markle.

I would be furious op! At best its just plain weird to do that to someone else’s child!

I find her showing the milk coming out little strange. It’s enough just to explain, especially when it’s someone else’s child. I’m very pro breastfeeding and fed both my children until they were 3 (and I got my fair share of comments on that!), but even I think showing someone else’s child the milk coming out of your breast a bit odd.

The two situations are not comparable, you are being ridiculous

Interesting to see such a comparison between those who think of breasts as sexual and those who don't.

Personally I would like to think that this is fine, but it does present a contradiction in that in general societal terms we do still view breasts as sexual - and generally expect them to be covered.

For example, a boy in school would be in a lot more trouble for touching a girl's breast rather than her arm/belly. There is a inherent position of them as a sexual thing in most of our expectations/conduct.

So for me, I think you just want consistency. Either they are a sexual and private part - in which case, yes it is not appropriate to show another person's kid. Or they are a natural and normal body part that doesn't need to be covered or treated differently, in which case no problem.

I wouldn’t like it either @dodomin. Overstepping a boundary there,

Because I don't think cultural fetishization and hyper-sexualisation of breasts is beneficial to women

Look - you both dont like her (or they/them), thats ok - this just broke the camels back. Just cut her out of your lives - then youll be happier you dont have to worry right? Its your husbands sister so really, if he doesnt give a shit... you really shouldnt either.

Over reacting. He is 4.