Page 5 | AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

ThisTealLeader · 2026-06-30T20:48:59+00:00

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday. She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure. My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through. I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money. Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 07/07/2026 09:56

Oh dear. It’s so predictable. You knew what was going to happen but she wouldn’t listen. Her account will show her spending.
I’d not rush to send money. Say you’ll help her look at what she’s spent but if she’s saying she’s only spent $90 you gave her $150 plus her wages she’s ok for money.
Do you speak to friend/have them on social media or snap chat (they often come up as a friend suggestion if my dc is with a friend)
To be honest I’d consider contacting them and saying have you been lending dd money, and pay them back and a bit more so they can pay for her without being out of pocket.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 07/07/2026 09:36

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:10

Morning all, my daughter messaged last night asking for money and saying she can’t keep relying on her friend! Bear in mind she would have only been there for 48 hours.
She had the €150 for us and then supposedly nearly £200 in her account. I haven’t sent her anymore yet. Am I right to ask where that money has gone and to see evidence of how much she has left before loaning her some more? And this extra will be a loan not a gift.
I know that they are attending events as when she FaceTimed yesterday afternoon she had loads of wrist bands on. I looked up one event and it was £54 just for the entry ticket, drinks not included. I have reminded her she is on a budget and needs to maybe have some beach/pool days with limited spending. I don’t want to be horrible as at the end of the day we sent her off on the holiday with our blessing and does anyone think this is taking the mickey a bit! Or should I just send her more money and not question it?

Edited

Hi @ThisTealLeader

Seems like it's playing out just as you feared!

She's already saying she "can't keep relying on her friend", so how much has she ACTUALLY spent herself and how much from her friend?!

I would send her a small daily amount as a LOAN, eg £30, but no more.
Remind her that this is exactly the situation you feared, and her response was to laugh at you.
There's a chance then that she might learn something from the experience.

If you have contact details for her friend I'd be tempted to message her to say that you won't be repaying any money that they lend her, that will be up to her to repay. Otherwise you might find they expect £100s from you because your DD told them you'd sort it out!

I'm actually shocked at the posters saying you should just give her a load more money - that would be teaching her completely the wrong message.

So she has to spend 5 days by the pool and at the beach, and she can't get drunk every day. Oh dear, how sad, never mind...

MajorProcrastination · 07/07/2026 09:19

ThisTealLeader · 03/07/2026 20:32

Oh ok I had no idea what you were on about 😂

The travel insurance was purchased and £150 in euros handed over this morning plus toiletries she needed which she didn’t expect. So all good! Rules of the holiday drummed into her and hopefully she comes back older and wiser.

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Yay! Great stuff. Hope she has a fabulous time.

Original poster

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 09:12

likelysuspect · 07/07/2026 08:18

If you dont question it, she has no way of engaging any critical thinking, I would want her to go through what she spent at what time and what for to help her think through what she's done

Otherwise you dont give her any learning opportunity

Yes very good point. The last message she sent was she hasn’t spent more than 30 per day. She doesn’t know where it’s gone.
I said by my calculations that’s only 90, so somewhere the math ain’t mathing as they say.

OP posts:

likelysuspect · 07/07/2026 08:18

If you dont question it, she has no way of engaging any critical thinking, I would want her to go through what she spent at what time and what for to help her think through what she's done

Otherwise you dont give her any learning opportunity

IceyBisBack · 07/07/2026 08:15

I have an 18 year old who's off yo Uni in September. He has no LD but has ASD and does struggle with planning etc.
He has had a year out. Yes his rooms is a mess, no He pays no rent (he's 18 and needs a head start in life) have I bought the things he needs for Uni...yes!! I love him & want him to have the best opportunities.

Our boy struggles with friendships, I'd be chuffed that my lad people he could go on holiday with and who have offered to support him!!

I think your hold on to "she's 18" too much. She's a kid who needs to enjoy life before ot all gets too serious.

I'd bung her some money and say enjoy yourself but when you get back...its time to knuckle down.

This is a great opportunity for her, make sure you've got a tracker on her phone.

Tcateh · 07/07/2026 07:57

Deffo send it daily op.
She'll have to make do.
Supermarket now for bread rolls!

fullofsomething · 07/07/2026 07:48

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:39

Exactly that, there’s underestimating the cost of a holiday and there’s blowing 300€ in 2 days and showing no accountability. Yes she’s young etc as people are saying but there’s something about it all that doesn’t sit easily with me.
We will obviously make sure she has enough for food and water etc but I have said that can’t include event tickets, night entry and alcohol. But she is being evasive and not saying not much she has left. She asked last night if I would send 100 to her, I thought bloody hell that won’t last 12 hours at the rate she is spending 😬

Edited

She may have had to outlay a lot at the start of the holiday on tickets for the week, now any further money is just for food and drinks. 🤷‍♀️

Pippa12 · 07/07/2026 07:44

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:39

Exactly that, there’s underestimating the cost of a holiday and there’s blowing 300€ in 2 days and showing no accountability. Yes she’s young etc as people are saying but there’s something about it all that doesn’t sit easily with me.
We will obviously make sure she has enough for food and water etc but I have said that can’t include event tickets, night entry and alcohol. But she is being evasive and not saying not much she has left. She asked last night if I would send 100 to her, I thought bloody hell that won’t last 12 hours at the rate she is spending 😬

Edited

I mean she could just lie really and say she’s none left, you’ve no way to know really.

Original poster

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:39

Exactly that, there’s underestimating the cost of a holiday and there’s blowing 300€ in 2 days and showing no accountability. Yes she’s young etc as people are saying but there’s something about it all that doesn’t sit easily with me.
We will obviously make sure she has enough for food and water etc but I have said that can’t include event tickets, night entry and alcohol. But she is being evasive and not saying not much she has left. She asked last night if I would send 100 to her, I thought bloody hell that won’t last 12 hours at the rate she is spending 😬

OP posts:

Tcateh · 07/07/2026 07:34

Jeez silly girl. I don't know what I'd do, she's put you in a difficult situation im not surprised you started this thread with concerns, she's got no accountability has she.
If she's already relying on friends and has blown 300€ in what 2 days that's a sure indicator of not giving a toss.
At this rate she'll need another 800, if she's run out.

Pippa12 · 07/07/2026 07:34

Lougle · 07/07/2026 07:31

Do you have money if you weren't upset on principle? If so, think back to times when you've underestimated how much something will cost. I sometimes go food shopping and by the time everybody has put in their requests for things I haven't thought of, it's added another £50 to the bill. Holidays always cost more than people expect.

If you have the money, I would give her some. She'll remember your generosity.

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£350 in 48 hours tho, OP will be bankrupt after a week.

At some point kids need to learn that you can’t spend what you’ve not got.

You’ve already been generous giving her €150 and paying for travel insurance. Don’t turn into a cash cow.

Original poster

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:33

Pippa12 · 07/07/2026 07:30

If you do decide to lend her money I’m afraid I’d send it daily rather than a lump sum, she’s proven she cannot budget nor say no to events she simply can’t afford. I’d probably send £30-£40 a day.

Id see it as my duty to keep her watered and fed daily, not to pay £54 to attend an event she knows she can afford.

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Yes this is what we were thinking about doing it daily. Before we do send anymore I have said I need to see exactly how much she has left so we can decide a reasonable amount, £30 a day sounds fair I would say.

OP posts:

Lougle · 07/07/2026 07:31

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:10

Morning all, my daughter messaged last night asking for money and saying she can’t keep relying on her friend! Bear in mind she would have only been there for 48 hours.
She had the €150 for us and then supposedly nearly £200 in her account. I haven’t sent her anymore yet. Am I right to ask where that money has gone and to see evidence of how much she has left before loaning her some more? And this extra will be a loan not a gift.
I know that they are attending events as when she FaceTimed yesterday afternoon she had loads of wrist bands on. I looked up one event and it was £54 just for the entry ticket, drinks not included. I have reminded her she is on a budget and needs to maybe have some beach/pool days with limited spending. I don’t want to be horrible as at the end of the day we sent her off on the holiday with our blessing and does anyone think this is taking the mickey a bit! Or should I just send her more money and not question it?

Edited

Do you have money if you weren't upset on principle? If so, think back to times when you've underestimated how much something will cost. I sometimes go food shopping and by the time everybody has put in their requests for things I haven't thought of, it's added another £50 to the bill. Holidays always cost more than people expect.

If you have the money, I would give her some. She'll remember your generosity.

fullofsomething · 07/07/2026 07:30

@ThisTealLeader more money and not question it.

This will be a learning curve for her. She’ll realise how much holidays actually cost!

Pippa12 · 07/07/2026 07:30

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:10

Morning all, my daughter messaged last night asking for money and saying she can’t keep relying on her friend! Bear in mind she would have only been there for 48 hours.
She had the €150 for us and then supposedly nearly £200 in her account. I haven’t sent her anymore yet. Am I right to ask where that money has gone and to see evidence of how much she has left before loaning her some more? And this extra will be a loan not a gift.
I know that they are attending events as when she FaceTimed yesterday afternoon she had loads of wrist bands on. I looked up one event and it was £54 just for the entry ticket, drinks not included. I have reminded her she is on a budget and needs to maybe have some beach/pool days with limited spending. I don’t want to be horrible as at the end of the day we sent her off on the holiday with our blessing and does anyone think this is taking the mickey a bit! Or should I just send her more money and not question it?

Edited

If you do decide to lend her money I’m afraid I’d send it daily rather than a lump sum, she’s proven she cannot budget nor say no to events she simply can’t afford. I’d probably send £30-£40 a day.

Id see it as my duty to keep her watered and fed daily, not to pay £54 to attend an event she knows she can afford.

BettyJoanPerske · 07/07/2026 07:20

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:10

Morning all, my daughter messaged last night asking for money and saying she can’t keep relying on her friend! Bear in mind she would have only been there for 48 hours.
She had the €150 for us and then supposedly nearly £200 in her account. I haven’t sent her anymore yet. Am I right to ask where that money has gone and to see evidence of how much she has left before loaning her some more? And this extra will be a loan not a gift.
I know that they are attending events as when she FaceTimed yesterday afternoon she had loads of wrist bands on. I looked up one event and it was £54 just for the entry ticket, drinks not included. I have reminded her she is on a budget and needs to maybe have some beach/pool days with limited spending. I don’t want to be horrible as at the end of the day we sent her off on the holiday with our blessing and does anyone think this is taking the mickey a bit! Or should I just send her more money and not question it?

Edited

Give her some more money. Gift, not loan.

Original poster

ThisTealLeader · 07/07/2026 07:10

Morning all, my daughter messaged last night asking for money and saying she can’t keep relying on her friend! Bear in mind she would have only been there for 48 hours.
She had the €150 for us and then supposedly nearly £200 in her account. I haven’t sent her anymore yet. Am I right to ask where that money has gone and to see evidence of how much she has left before loaning her some more? And this extra will be a loan not a gift.
I know that they are attending events as when she FaceTimed yesterday afternoon she had loads of wrist bands on. I looked up one event and it was £54 just for the entry ticket, drinks not included. I have reminded her she is on a budget and needs to maybe have some beach/pool days with limited spending. I don’t want to be horrible as at the end of the day we sent her off on the holiday with our blessing and does anyone think this is taking the mickey a bit! Or should I just send her more money and not question it?

OP posts:

Endorewitch · 05/07/2026 22:15

Crikeyalmighty · 04/07/2026 21:09

That’s the right choice OP -

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You did the right tbing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/07/2026 19:47

I know the feeling. Mine is going on Tuesday and it’s equally worrying with her due to vulnerability!! She also booked it without discussing it with me. I’m not so sure her friends will be in a position to look after her that much. Luckily other people she knows just happen to have booked at the same time. And I think one girl, who is a year older will take care of her if needed.

Original poster

ThisTealLeader · 05/07/2026 10:16

Hi all, she arrived last night and called when she arrived. Just reminded her to keep her passport and money safe. I also have a photo of her passport.
She has Snapchat so can see location on that and on Apple Maps location.
I am working all week so will keep myself busy. I’m at a friends at the moment as stayed here last night. It will be a looooong week!

OP posts:

Wagyue · 05/07/2026 00:18

OP, make sure you have a screenshot of her passport. Just so you have the number etc.
It makes life so much easier if lost.
Tell her to have a screenshot of it herself on her phone too.

My daughter is off on holidays tomorrow after exams.
Her first time too.
She's sensible but I am nervous too.
All mums are.
I really hope it goes well for yours.

Just remind her how precious she is to you and to mind herself.
Mind yourself too.
It is a very stressful and exhausting position to be in.
You sound great.

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 04/07/2026 22:59

I think you’ve done the right thing op. Try and stay busy.
Does she have you on snap chat? I find my dd similar age will respond to a message on there quicker than anywhere else.

Hankunamatata · 04/07/2026 22:11

Nerve racking op. Hopefully it goes smoothly.

ERthree · 04/07/2026 21:44

OP, please let us know how your daughter is, i am worried about your daughter being away, i think there will be a fair few MNetters checking in every day to know how you both are💐