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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p**** off he didn't tell me

37 replies

IfYouSuckAtPlayingTheTrumpet · 30/06/2026 19:24

Please help me gain some perspective.

Our mortgage deal may fall through because of a broker's error.

I'm really upset because my husband did not tell me about this on Friday when he found out.
He says he was going to tell me today after a family event this weekend, to avoid ruining the fun for me...
I feel very differently about it. He has a history of being dishonest about financial decisions and so I felt this was another betrayal of trust, withholding information from me when we are both adults, able to make decisions and entitled to know the truth about our financial situation. In case relevant: we both work full time and pay into the mortgage equally.

So please tell me:
AIBU to be so upset with him?
Or was he just trying to be nice & save me a headache and let me enjoy the weekend when "there is nothing we can do about the situation"?

OP posts:
writingsonthewall · 30/06/2026 19:53

I think it partially depends on your reaction or expected reaction to the news. If you have a habit of overreacting/catastrophising (as I do) and it would therefore put a dampener on an important occasion then I can prob see his pov if it’s true that nothing can be done.

if you’re pragmatic and unruffled then less so.

Happy2623 · 30/06/2026 19:42

Broker here , are you mortgaging with the same lender ?

Halifax for example will waive any ERC’s if you stay with them on the new mortgage

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 30/06/2026 19:42

I would find out all the details myself from the mortgage provider. I usually recommend honesty but I wouldn't bother broadcasting to your husband your going unless it comes up

Happy2623 · 30/06/2026 19:40

Hi ,your offer expires in August ?

Original poster
IfYouSuckAtPlayingTheTrumpet · 30/06/2026 19:39

Krevlornswath · 30/06/2026 19:35

I would speak to the broker myself, to be certain of the apparent issues and what truth there is to the "nothing can be done" attitude. Especially so given you know your DH has form for dishonesty.

Dressing it up as a kindness doesn't automatically make it one, I wouldn't be overly comfortable with my partner controlling the timeline of events for me and deciding when and how I receive information that I should be equally privy to.I am perfectly capable of receiving challenging news and would prefer we approached things equitably.

Equally I would not have left it to my DP/DH to deal with the broker in the first place so would never have been in the dark so to speak.

Do you trust him? It sounds like quite a draining relationship to be in if not.

I agree with everything you say. We have a joint email address to deal with mortgage stuff. But my husband says the conveyancers called him directly on Friday and that he has a private whatsapp chat with the broker. None if this info shows up in our email chain.

OP posts:
KateSixer · 30/06/2026 19:38

No I don't like the fact that he didn't tell you. It implies he doesn't seem you as an equal partner. Sorry.

If this was a one off it's forgivable. If not less so.

Original poster
IfYouSuckAtPlayingTheTrumpet · 30/06/2026 19:36

The broker thought the end date of our early repayment period was July 1st. Turns out it's October 1st, but meanwhile our mortgage deal expires in August.
So we either face a new deal with much higher rates. Or very significant early repayment fees.

but this is not relevant to my feelings (much as I hate the situation). What I am upset about is the withholding of information.

OP posts:
Random321 · 30/06/2026 19:36

"He has a history of being dishonest about financual decisions".....but you accept his word that this is a broker error? 🤔

What's the error?
Have you spoken directly to the broker?

Krevlornswath · 30/06/2026 19:35

I would speak to the broker myself, to be certain of the apparent issues and what truth there is to the "nothing can be done" attitude. Especially so given you know your DH has form for dishonesty.

Dressing it up as a kindness doesn't automatically make it one, I wouldn't be overly comfortable with my partner controlling the timeline of events for me and deciding when and how I receive information that I should be equally privy to.I am perfectly capable of receiving challenging news and would prefer we approached things equitably.

Equally I would not have left it to my DP/DH to deal with the broker in the first place so would never have been in the dark so to speak.

Do you trust him? It sounds like quite a draining relationship to be in if not.

Larrythecatforpm · 30/06/2026 19:28

What was the error?

MaggieBsBoat · 30/06/2026 19:28

I can see both sides but if he has form for being dishonest, which you say he has, then it’s no surprise that you feel let down and lied to.

Velumental · 30/06/2026 19:26

I'd say it's actually a problem with him.not a brokers error. I'd look for proof