Is this mum’s message the right way to go about things?

I like @WonderingWanda response
"I've spoken to dd and I'm so disappointed and saddened to hear that she was part of this. She will be apologising to your ds and receiving a sanction from me, and will hsve to live with the fact that she may have lost herself a friend. Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention. This is not the sort of behaviour we expect her to join in with. Dd did say that there were other instigators, I hope you have spoken with tge class teacher so they can deal with all of the children involved. I hope.your ds is ok."

What a shame your daughter was upset because her behaviour was found out. What about this poor little guy - bullied picked on and physically abused, it seems, on a daily basis- no doubt he goes home upset most school nights. My heart goes out to him and I hope you and the other parents deal appropriately with your entitled nasty little brats. I have a feeling this won't be the case though.

This. I can’t understand all the posters saying don’t get involved. Teach the child what to do when they mess up. That poor little boy.

You apologise and empathise. You make your daughter do the same and then you think of an appropriate punishment/consequence for her. It doesn't matter about the other children, you need to deal with your daughter. She joined in the bullying, and it probably felt worse because he thought she was a friend. Don't ignore it as other posters have said. Perhaps if more parents tackled their children's bullying behaviour instead of making excuses, school wouldn't be hell for so many children.

The mum doesn't sound batshit. She's just upset her dc is being bullied and hit.

You would completely ignore the fact that your child was involved in the bullying? Ok. Glad OP is taking a more responsible stance.

I feel so sorry for this little boy, I can;t believe nothing has been done about it before now. I will never understand why some children are so cruel to others.

In my experience schools do very little when children are bullied, I pulled my child out as the parents of the child who bullied my child probably would have hit me if I’d approached them but if I could have had a sensible conversation with a sensible parent then this would have been preferable. Her raising it with you is helpful as you know more about your child now and hopefully you can help her strengthen her kindness and loyalty.

I like this approach.

I would apologise to the other mum and tell her that I will have a word with my child. But I would also speak to the class teacher and tell her what happened. Looks like a lot of children have ganged up and been mean to this boy and that is just not on. All the kids need to apologise to this child and your child can lead the way.

The boy's mother reached out directly because your DD and her son are friends. I would be furious if my child bullied an already picked-on boy, and so ashamed that she treated her friend this way. OP, don't make excuses for her just because she owned up to it; what she did to her friend is abhorrent. I would insist that she apologize and, next time he is bullied, stand up for him. If you don't nip this in the bud now, she will grow into a mean girl as a teenager.

Our school they're only allowed to use the small field once a week because there's no-one to supervise them.

I’m going to sound very old but “in my time” teachers used to supervise the playground and it worked perfectly.

My daughter’s primary school had plenty of teaching assistants but they couldn’t supervise everyone - “too many kids” I was told. Given the playground was a zoo as a result, my daughter never got to run around, preferring to go to arts club instead. I’m so glad these days are behind us.

When something similar happened in our house (not physical) the school dealt with it.

There was lots of tattling about other children being part of ‘it’ and the victim bringing on themselves etc etc.

I just had a stern warning to my child to apologise and keep clear. The other parent was scary but it worked.

They've had to lay off the playground assistants cameras are cheaper.

No, OP's DD shouldn't get the blame for everyone's behaviour. She should be harsly reprimanded for her own bullying behaviour.
She needs to know that's 100% unacceptable.

If it were me, I would email the school with what she had told me so that they have information which could help them to (hopefully) support this boy.
I would ask her how she thinks she can make this better. I think it would be really nice for instance if she has the idea to write him a card saying sorry and telling him that she will not do it again & will tell a teacher if she sees it happening (I’d probably also say that if I hear that she has been doing this she will get some sort of reward!).
I would also talk to her about how she would feel if other children were doing this to her (I’m sure you’re already doing this). I’d also probably talk to her about any times I’d been hurt by another child and what it was like if/when another child looked out for me. It certainly sounds like he is being targeted by a number of children at school; that’s really sad. Could be a really good learning experience for your DD : ) in terms of the mum, I’d probably text saying that I’m sad this is happening to her son and that I am addressing it seriously with my DD. I know from experience it is AWFUL to hear about our babies being hurt by numerous other kids in the playground : (

I think it’s often a group dynamic where one child starts and the others join in. I wouldn’t have messaged you. I would have gone straight to the school but it’s personal choice. It’s not fair on the boy who is being hurt by others. I would have replied and said I’ll speak to dd. I wouldn’t let dd get the blame for the whole situation as that isn’t fair but I would speak to her teacher about the group as a whole.

I think you’re right. School needs to be fully informed, so they can deal appropriately with what sounds like a nasty situation for the lad. I think the mum’s tone was regrettable but we cannot know what she’s experienced prior to this incident.
I’d be inclined to be severe with my child, withdraw privileges, and insist upon remedy with an apology and by helping teachers investigate. A bit of small group discussion with the children concerned wil be necessary, but that’s down to teachers.

Aren’t you an absolute delight! Really?!? Your response is unbelievable. Your advice is to avoid victim?!?!?

Poor little boy being ganged up on by a pack of bullies.
I would be so disappointed with my child and far more concerned about that, rather than the poor mother trying to navigate her very upset and hurt child.
A small bit of compassion for her wouldn't go amiss.
I would contact the school tomorrow and let them know what your daughter has told you and been a part of.
Bullying ruins lives.

You thank the mum for letting you know and assure her that you'll speak to daughter. You ask daughter to think of a way that she can make it up to this lad and help her do it and you discuss (and even roleplay if you want) ways that she can stick up for people if she finds anything like this happening again. Then you speak to the school and let them know what your daughter has admitted so that they can hopefully have a true and clear picture of what's going on and help all the kids involved become better, safer and happier people. Punishing is fine but it won't really help your dd develop empathy or learn strategies for managing situations like this when they inevitably arise again.

There is undoubtedly a class/year group chat. I would use ‘herd mentality’ for good, not for avoiding and continuing the situation. I’d post in the group chat (with the other Mums permission) Saying something like ‘I’m embarrassed to say that my dd was involved in picking on a child today, on further discussion it seems there were multiple children involved and that this poor child is hit/picked on daily. I’m sure you’re all as mortified/upset as me to hear about this. I don’t want to name the other children/child involved so please could everyone speak to their children tonight about bullying in general ? Sounds like there’s some herd mentality going on, they are only 7 so hopefully we can nip this in the bud before it gets worse. My daughter is really remorseful and will be apologising tomorrow and will 100% not be involved any further. I’ll be speaking to the school about her involvement/the full story and hopefully they can hold a class discussion too. I’d then follow up with the school doing exactly what I’ve said.

They aren’t friends. OP says they only spoken to each other a few times.

Wow! You have another mother who is concerned that her child is being bullied and you would just ignore it - why?

That poor boy. I’d be mortified and so so angry if my daughter did this