Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

@LostandFounded You sound like my dh when nursery told us our child was different and that it would be good if we got him evaluated by a professional. Dh, just like you, was in complete denial. Obviously our son was late with his speech because he's bilingual (very possible if that had been the only problem), he didn't listen when his name was called and didn't join in group activities if he was occupied with something because he was strong willed and independant 😅. And yes he was very sociable but there was a clear lack of reciprocity which is also typical for autism.

Luckily I wasn't in denial as my dh. I was open and listened to their concerns and got my ds a referral for autism screening. I will ask you, as I asked my dh; What are you afraid of? Either you're right and your son is not autistic- great- you ruled that ont. Or- he is- and in that case early intervention is key. You do not want to lose precious time because the one who will suffer from this is your ds. Look at it as nurse telling you that she has observed signs of cancer in your child. What would you do? Find arguments for that not being true or call your GP to find out and eventually get your son treatment.

True, there is no "cure" for autism. But the earlier interventions are started (speech, motricity, social skills) the better outcome for your ds.

We had the 'we think your child may need assessing' conversation in nursery for very similar reasons. He would play alone or alongside others but not really joining in, he wouldn't sit for circle time he would be off doing his own thing. His speech was excellent and had an advanced vocabulary for his age but that 'hid' his receptive language difficulties.

I was like you, "no, he's ok" no need to refer until he moved into reception and it was pointed out to me how many 5 year olds can tell you the day you were born, in seconds from your date of birth.

He was referred that day, that led to two years of SALT and OT intervention before he was assessed as having high functioning Autism, and high Anxiety. Nursery are seeing your child in a different setting to you, they are noticing their difficulties compared to their peer group. The sooner you know the sooner the right help can be implemented.

My eldest is now 17, in 6th form and because he had the help and support he needed he is thriving not surviving, he has a lovely friend group and is generally happy. This took years of help and support and without that, from early on he would, I'm sure, have struggled more.

Contrast this to my youngest son. I was asking for years in Primary school if they noticed anything, they said no, he is now in year 7 and struggling, he 'masks' so much better than his brother, he is a quiet, well behaved child and has 'flown under the radar' so a lot was missed. We're currently struggling with school based anxiety and burnout. Luckily we have been able to have him assessed quickly under right to choose so that we can now get more support from school but I wonder if having more support in Primary school would have helped him cope better with the transition to secondary school where lots of undiagnosed children begin to really struggle.

Listen to the Nursery staff, its better to know now than later on.

But it's good that you followed their advice even if it ruled out autism.

Why do you need to do this? Why can't you take the advice of nursery staff and all but 2 of the posters on this thread and get some professional help. What could possibly be the downside of this?

I have known parents who refused this kind of support in Early Years but by Year 2 were complaining their child had had no help from school. Please accept the support now.

Op you asked about testing for autism. It would be worth looking at the MCHAT screening tool. Mine was showing signs on this but I persuaded myself he wasn’t at the time. He pointed, waved etc and is a very happy and successful autistic teen now

That was a expensive bit of fencing. 😂 Two hours! Yeah spent an hour last weekend letting him open and close a gate. The week before he spent 40 minutes stacking and lining up traffic cones in the school carpark. 😬

😆 this was a penny drop moment for us - feeding giraffes at the zoo? Nah, this piece of fence is waaaay more interesting!

(Two hours playing with the fence for the record....)

What harm would there be in getting your little child checked out? People who seem to know a lot about the condition are suggesting you should. Even if you don’t believe the nursery I think you should follow the advice given here.

I will give you an example of a child I have worked with, a few early years workers voiced concerns about this one child, garbled speech, no eye contact, couldn’t follow instruction welll, this child was 3, keyworker voiced concerns to mum who didn’t seem to concerned but worked with us, we managed to get speech and a language involved who suggested a hearing test , hearing test came back showing a problem. This meant the child got the extra help they needed quite quickly and solved the problem of garbled speech and not following instruction. No autism but hearing loss wasn’t helping the rest of the concerns we had too. Also means speech and language were able to work with this child to help with the speech too.

@LostandFounded by age 3, peer pressure should have kicked in. So everyone else is on the carpet... They sit on the carpet.

Someone says their name, they look around at them.... It doesn't mean they'll necessarily stop their fun and move, but they will notice and want to see why their name was called.

Key indicators for me that DD2 was autistic (not diagnosed until 11 because nobody would believe me):

• Every picture I had of her in preschool was on her own
• No desire to connect with other children
• Copying teacher's examples exactly

In fact the list goes on and on.

My autistic children point and did at an early age. One of them was potty trained at age 2 the other age 3 and they both have friends.

I wish we had taken my daughter’s nursery more seriously when they flagged similar.
At the time (12 years ago) I’d not heard of autism and it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to go to the doctors, but now if I got the same feedback I’d definitely go.
She was different in primary school and this might have helped her. She’s broadly doing ok now as a teenager but with blips.

Why not work with the nursery staff who are more than like trained and educated in this? By the sound of your posts it seems you have one idea of what autism is and I can tell you categorically there are no two people that autism presents the same so it may be worth working with the professionals who know this stuff. Doesn’t mean your child 100% has autism but at least if it’s explored professionally then the support is there

Not really I’m afraid, because some traits alone don’t equal a diagnosis, it’s about building a picture of multiple things, across settings and like I said, children are likely to do much better with their parents.

I guess in terms of what we are looking at in assessment- difficulties with social communication, social interaction and something called RRBI’s, which relates to some sensory preferences (maybe dislikes loud noise, specific food preferences, seeking sensations through movements like spinning, flapping arms, jumping, contorting fingers) and repetitive behaviours- this may include repeating the same play sequences or not really playing with toys , reduced imaginary play. in terms of social communication we’re looking at how motivated someone is to communicate with others for social purposes- so not just to get their needs met, instead for a relationship, having interest in others and wanting to join with them (I don’t think you at home would have a fair overview of this). Social communication is more lined to eye contact, response to name, listening, being self-directed, using gesture to communicate (nodding/shaking head) and other gestures to help describe things to others. Those are some examples. I honestly think you’re best to just get an opinion from someone else if nursery have given you examples already.

Please don’t worry, with your understanding if your child does have autism he best thing you can do for them is to know sooner and put the right support in place. You and they won’t change, they’ll still be the same and things ebb and flow, they will learn new skills and you’ll be able to look back and know that you did all the right things in good time. All of the children I see flourish with the right support and a parent to advocate for them (which comes from understanding them and what they need).

A parent cannot test for autism at home.

Sticking your head in the sand won't make it go away. Yeah it isn't nice that your child would rather play with a gate than play in the park but you come to accept it (talking about my son).

OP I feel like you are really struggling with this, please try not to.
Even if he is autistic, he can and will go on to have a great life x

Have you had their hearing tested?

Thing is even if not autistic, strategies for autism might help your DC with some of the things they have picked up

I was told 12 years ago, when my son was 3, that he was the 'most autistic child they had ever seen' by the nursery he was at. He's now 15 and not a trace of autism or anything at all. We did follow their advice at the time and there were no concerns from specialists. He was just a late developer. Thats all we can put it down to.

Autistic traits are easy to spot when you know what to look for and to childcare professionals at 3 it’d be blatantly obvious.

Hi there.

I'm sorry, this has obviously come as a shock to you.

My younger daughter was diagnosed aged 7 but her elder sister wasn't diagnosed until she was 15. I thought autism looked a particular way, based on what I knew and my experience with our younger daughter, and we all missed it completely in our elder daughter.

The thing is, the autistic spectrum is huge and some children are more obviously impacted by it than others.

My younger daughter came across as really sociable in nursery. Great eye contact. Good playing skills. Popular with other children. But it was all coping strategies, which fell apart as she got older and the demands increased.

Most people simply would not believe she was autistic. Even teachers, even though I gave them the CAMHS diagnosis.

I have no idea if your son is on the spectrum or not. All I would say is to keep an open mind. Autism is not a "bad" label. My daughter is an adult now, lives with her boyfriend, has a job. She did benefit from having the diagnosis.

Speech and language is often a euphemism for autism btw. You could ask to be referred and see what they say.

Good luck

It is very obvious when a child has autistic traits at 3yo - I’ve worked in early years nearly 15 years and I can pretty much give an autistic diagnosis (if I was allowed to!) to children from about 18mths up within a few hours of meeting them. My point being experienced nursery workers are professionals in normal development and will be able to spot children who are outside expected behaviour for their ages.

Most children at 3 will come and join in circle time in a group with varying levels of engagement but children who have need of support will find this very difficult and many dislike having their own agenda interrupted. NT will find it ok to leave what they are doing to engage in an adult focused activity for a short time. Children who end up with a diagnosis of some kind of SEN find it very difficult to leave this own agenda to join in.

You would be wise to engage with your child’s key workers to see if they need additional support and if this will continue into school. Nursery workers can get the ball rolling with SALT, OT, and EHCPs if required.

Hi OP,

I work in this area and have previously worked in a Paediatric team for diagnosis for children under 5.3 is a relatively normal age for an assessment and diagnosis, we can assess from roughly 18 months.

The feedback from nursery looks fairly typical for what we might see in a referral. In nursery we would be looking at response to name, listening, joining with the other youngsters or being on own agenda (eg. Not following and sitting with the group at carpet time). I think those things from nursery are enough for them to suggest a referral for further assessment. I don’t think they are suggesting your child has autism, just that there is a pattern of observations that may be indicative or may not, but that it’s enough to suggest a professional should look over things. We often see speech delay in ND children, but again that could be a different possible explanation for what nursery have noticed, which we can tease apart as professionals. Nobody else should be making comments about which direction they think an assessment will go.

Generally nurseries do have some good experience with lots of youngsters so do notice if things are a bit different to how they observe the other children. You’re right that all children are this way, but I suppose maybe in nursery it is becoming apparent that for your little one it is happening more often or is more pervasive? The sorts of things we would assess in clinic would be response to name etc. We tend to see little ones do better at home with their safe people so it’s possible your little one is struggling a bit more than you are able to observe. A really big thing I would be thinking for a three year old is how much interest they are showing in others at nursery - whether they are still playing alongside or nearby other children (which we would’ve expected them to have grown out of by 3) or whether they are more integrated and involved in play- plus whether they are very directive or hoping to lead play when they are playing with others. In terms of communication speech is important to consider but we’re also looking at how they communicate their needs to other people including with non- verbal communication such as gesture, asking for help.