Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

Listen OP.

Please.

Unfortunately there are so many people here who have seen how difficult it is to get a diagnosis/support or have seen the effects of denial.

My son has ADHD (and I suspect potentially autistic). He's one of the top of the class so this presented issues in its own right. He's mature and well behaved. BUT...

This is only after we pointed out his verbal and his written performance were massively different. He was struggling massively and we expect he will have issues at high school in a couple of years time. He gets very anxious about things too.

A diagnosis is not limiting.

It's a doorway to help if and when you need it.

Autism is NOT a label Its a diagnosis of a neurodevelopmental disorder. They haven't made their minds up, they're informing you of their observations during nursery time, a different setting and environment to your home. They are comparing your child to his peers that are at the same stage/age/development and looking for expected milestones and development at that stage. They have noticed that your child is having difficulties and have highlighted that to you. What you choose to do with that knowledge will potentially impact upon your child for the rest of their life. No parent ever wants to hear that their child is struggling and I know I felt so scared and worried for my child and the battle ahead to get the support he needed, but I listened, I acted upon what they said and my child's life is much better for it.

Okay ignore it then, why even post here? Just delete the thread and don’t ever moan in the future when your child is struggling at school because you refused to get him early intervention help

Speech is a symptom. Doesn’t mean it’s autism but slow speech can be a symptom of autism.

@LostandFounded so are you just going to ignore them. So what are you going to do about your child ignoring you until you raise your voice?

Very good post @TheCatSitterDM

I think they have a fair point here. My eldest NT child was a late talker, but isn't autistic (although probable dyspraxia). My youngest said a few words earlier but regressed a bit and then went NV, but had all the traits you describe there. He is now profoundly autistic with SLD. It was a gradual slide for us towards losing skills. It wasn't really obvious until later. Is your child sensory seeker? Not all kids fit the profile of being extremely introverted and disliking of intense sensory input. My child has always interacted well with adults, but not at all with other kids and is sensory seeking.

OP I feel for you, I understand how devastating it is to hear there is something 'wrong' with your child 💐 It's clearly gotten your back up and upset you.

Nursery aren't telling you DS2 might be autistic because they're naughty or because they hate them. They're telling you because they have a lot of experience with neurotypical and neurodiverse children and your DC2 is leaning more towards neurodiverse.

You say DC2 is nuerotypical, nursery say otherwise. One of you is wrong. Ask yourself this, what will you regret more?

A. You accept early intervention at Nursery, DC2 gets more one on one attention with games and tasks tailored to them. They sit on the ASD waiting list for 2+ years and by the time you get to the top of the list, they have grown out of all their traits and are thriving in primary school so the assessment finds they aren't autistic and nothing is lost.

B. You refuse to engage in services. DC2 doesn't get any additional help and starts primary school unable to engage in learning that isn't on their terms. The room has gone from having 10 other kids to having 29 other kids so the help they recieve goes down drastically. They don't have services involved so no personalised plans have been made to help them stay engaged with additional adult support. They start to fall behind their peers and have missed years of early intervention that would have offered them coping strategies to catch up.

One of you is wrong. You need to plan ahead in case it is you. You have very little to lose by accepting additional help and getting on the waiting list so I would do that, even if you 100% you are right

OP I agree 100% with PP's who are telling you to grab this support with both hands, even if you're convinced your DC doesn't have Autism !

You are not an expert. Your experience is limited to your own 2 children.

The nursery are being proactive and supportive in finding out if your child does indeed have ASD, or whether they simply have a speech delay and concentration issues.

The very fact that a 3yr old isn't interested in joining in with group activities is a possible sign. It's not about them being 'more independant', it's about them not wanting to join their friends/peers at this age.

Autism has a multitude of 'symptoms/signs', most of which won't apply to your DC. But nursery are highlighting some that DO?

Getting a diagnosis or support in education is an uphill struggle, and any child who is anywhere on the spectrum will struggle and suffer in nursery/school/secondary, but what they struggle with will be individual. It's not simply the profoundly affected, but the children on the lighter end of the spectrum will actually be worst affected because everyone expects them to act 'normally' when they can't?

Things like understanding social cues, facial expressions, rules of play, turn taking, how to join in with peers etc as well as struggling with how to understand conversation tones/inflections/eye contact cues etc.

What harm do you think will become your DC by being assessed exactly? That they'll be 'labelled'? They won't be labelled if they're NOT autistic, and if they are, you'll be able to access help for them, so it's a win/win?

Apologies if my terminology offends you. I have a friend who has an adult son with autism who can't wipe his own bottom but I know other people who have had a diagnosis as adults having passed exams and been successful at work. If there is another way of describing that I'll be happy to use it. I have also worked with children in between those points some of whom were diagnosed in Early Years others not until later.

There are no ends, and 'severity' changes with situation. DD2 is significantly affected by her ASD, now 3 years 'behind' in education because she's needed extensive specialist education. She's just going to give college a try in September, but will need 1:1 support available at all times despite being academically able. She's just been assessed as having Limited Capability for Work and Work Related Activity. She's just been excused from jury service after I described her profile.

This is the same child who I was constantly told didn't have any SEN, was just a bit anxious, etc. Her secondary SENCO point blank refused to assist me in applying for an EHCP. Then I applied and the LA put her straight into a special school.

Trust me, if the nursery are saying there's a problem, grab that support opportunity with both hands, because the new SEND regulations are going to be a car crash.

NOW is the time to get help. If he exceeds all expectations, they will say 'job done, support no longer needed'.

Ps my son won every race at sports day , he very much can walk

(the problem however was trying to explain when it was no longer his turn to race!)

Bloody hell, you can walk and be autistic! My husband is autistic and is a senior doctor in ITU! My father in law is autistic and had a fantastic career as an engineer. Please research autism, you have very rigid and fixed (!) preconceptions of what autism looks like

It can be but this shouldn't put the OP off finding out more. It doesn't sound like OP's child is at this end of the spectrum anyhow.

Depends on the level of severity as it can be a big deal.

OP, you seem to have a very fixed idea of what an autistic child would do - manybof us are trying to explain that the autistic spectrum is huge and individual children vary enormously in how they present.

You cannot point to one thing and then decide he can't be autistic.

My younger daughter had what we all thought was superior creative play, but it was repetitive, she had to be in charge, and involved copying adult behaviour. Other children liked her setting up the game - for a while - but then they got bored and drifted off and eventually ignored her, then the troble started.

Tbh a lot of settings only start to do anything once trouble is brewing. If an autistic child is causing no problems, they can often be left to their own devices. So it is great that nursery is actively addressing this.

The issue though is quite often at nursery they don't all behave differently for some things. When you have, say, 15 three year olds and 14 of them can sit and do circle time, nursery have to wonder what else is going on with the one child that can't (which is what happened with my eldest who has ASD).

You shouldn’t have to raise your voice to get your child’s attention (unless hearing issues) on a regular basis.

Why are you so against getting help for your DC @LostandFounded

If they had trouble walking would you ignore that?

Don’t know if you have answered it but are you getting help for their speech issues?

You shouldn't have to make a determined effort to get his attention. That's the whole point. He should be responding to his name in a whisper. The fact that you're having to say in what circumstances you can get a reaction is an issue itself.

DD1 has ASD, probable ADHD, learning disability and a brain malformation. She will never live independently. She was potty trained at 2 years old in just 3 days. It means nothing.

one of my children has ADHD - i was told buy a nursery worker they had it - i didnt believe it, thought they just found them a bit mischevious, left eventually, now is 9, diagnosed with adhd last april.

It does sound like autism. I’m not an expert but have a 5 yo with autism and he had those very same signs at 2/3. It was first mentioned at nursery when he was 2 actually and I thought they were crazy because I’d seriously never noticed anything amiss aside from delayed speech but my eldest also didn’t speak till 3 so I wasn’t overly concerned. He didn’t have great eye contact, wouldn’t reliably respond to his name and 100% has always and still remains to be on his own agenda. If something isn’t serving him, he will walk away which I actually respect to be honest…

It isn’t a big deal, just something extra to live with. Eye contact and speech are improving as he gets older and he responds reliably now. Don’t stress about it too much, it isn’t worthwhile.

Also, OP I have three DC with ASD. I thought two of them were likely ASD by the time they were 7. DD 3 I would have sworn up and down was not ASD. AT ALL. She had some difficulties but was so different from her sibs that I was certain it couldn't be. Maybe dyslexia, maybe ADHD, maybe dyspraxia but DEFINITELY NOT ASD.

When she was assessed at 16 she has none of those other things (was assessed for ADHD first) but every professional said "ASD, not even borderline." She is social, outgoing, makes eye contact, has good speech etc and masks like crazy. The first thing that "showed" was inability to watch movies, and then massive fatigue after a day in school.

It seems like you are in denial to me. Your description of your child sounds like my son at 3 years old, and he is autistic. Talk to your GP, tell them what the school said. If your child is autistic you will need to get a diagnosis, in order to get help for them through their school years. If your child is not autistic they won’t be diagnosed. But it’s not worth the gamble if they are because waiting lists are so long.